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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off by this?

544 replies

DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:39

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable! I met this really really lovely guy today and I was hoping he'd ask me out because we hit it off instantly! When I came home he did and I was absolutely delighted, we decided on the cinema and he texted saying "I'll book the tickets, can you look after the grub?"
I can't help but be really put off by him now, I'm disgusted with myself Blush
I haven't been on a date in about six years as I was with my ex and he wasn't working for the majority of our relationship so I'm super scared of ending up with a stinge (this guy is working by the way)

Am I being horrible? It's really put me off him!

OP posts:
Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 21:24

My sincerest apologies ;)

OP posts:
brdgrl · 16/03/2014 21:26

I just don't get the impression that the lighthearted jest would be along the lines of "can you believe, honey, I actually almost wrote you off because I was so shallow?!"
Rather, it sounded like you meant something along the lines of "Remember when we were planning our first date and you came across like such a tightwad? Oh, you!"
If you meant the former, I withdraw my post...

daisychain01 · 16/03/2014 21:33

Have a great first date and the best of Shamrock. You've been a good sport, yes this is MN and AIBU!

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 21:36

In that case your post still stands brdgrl Grin

Anyway, thanks so much all!! Will update after the date eek!

Thanks Daisy!x

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 16/03/2014 22:11

Glad it's all looking well. The only thing that sprung to my mind was that he just wanted to text you and that's the only valid thing he could think to text you about - trying to be humorous even. Probably nothing to do with money or food, he just wanted to get in touch

Susyb30 · 16/03/2014 22:33

Still don't think he should be asking you to pay for his "popcorn combo" it would definitely have burst my bubble a bit! But who knows you might just have a wonderful time and be so glad you went. Hope you have a fab date and can look back on this and laugh :-)

maddening · 16/03/2014 22:44

maybe your ex was worried you were a freeloader taking taxis when you knew you had no money.

seriously just pay your way and expect to go halves. You are not a princess.

LittleMissSunshine89 · 16/03/2014 22:53

Yes you are being unreasonable IMO. Why shouldnt you contribute to the date? As pp said your not a princess.

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 23:19

Maybe ex did think I was a freeloader Shock the years that followed sure showed him Grin

Don't worry ladies, 19 pages in and any princess notions have been set straight. Gown removed and tiara reluctantly encased.

OP posts:
Electryone · 16/03/2014 23:36

I have no issue with the word grub, none! I have no issue paying my way as I have said numerous times now.

Then I really don't get what your problem is!

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 23:42

Electryone Sad
Again, it's the fact that within two minutes of asking me on the date, he's working out who pays for what. I can't help finding it off putting, not enough not to go but enough to have spent most of my day on here talking to you lot!

OP posts:
pippy1958 · 16/03/2014 23:47

Oh please go and then let us know what he really meant by "grub"! I'd have thought he meant snacks in the cinema but you could just ask him to clarify... Good luck and make sure you give us all the gossip later x

PigletJohn · 16/03/2014 23:48

is he Australian?

SnotandBothered · 16/03/2014 23:51

OP I get it.

You were feeling all floaty and buzzing about meeting someone who gave you 'the feeling' and then he went a spoilt it (a bit) by talking about the practicalities of sharing a cost that hadn't even happened yet.

Nothing to do with the money and everything to do with where his head is at.

BUT it sounds like there is chemistry there and if you do go the distance, I am sure you will be able to call him on it one day in the future.

Have fun.

Cerisier · 16/03/2014 23:56

I understand exactly where you are coming from OP. It is just so calculated. It doesn't give you the chance to say "you got the tickets, I'll get the drinks and snacks". It is assuming you might try to get out if paying anything. Very depressing.

I thought he was asking you to book a restaurant. I can't believe he was pre-planning who would pay for his popcorn. Classy.

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 23:57

snot Cake Wine Thanks exactly!!

I was literally, in my room, wardrobe open and trying on dresses and outfits, feeling a bit twirly and excited and if you knew me and how I generally react to come ons etc you'd understand it's unusual for me to get excited! We definitely had chemistry and I came away from meeting him thinking, yes he's a good'un!!
It just brought me down to reality with a bit of a plonk that's all, but so did all the people on here who said he should run a mile from me Grin so I'm well and truly grounded!

OP posts:
Qix · 17/03/2014 00:02

Good luck!

pinkr · 17/03/2014 08:11

I love mums net.
If you don't dress your boys in pink you're reinforcing negative stereotypes
if the husband expects his stay at home wife to keep the house a bit tidy it's met with cries of leave the bugger and it's abuse
if a man expects a modern date (ie.the way mumsnet wants the world to run.. equal rights for genders etc)
suddenly everyone wants old fashioned male and female roles
it cracks me upGrin

hope you enjoy your date op... relax and don't look too much into things!

Electryone · 17/03/2014 08:21

Sorry you feel less than excited now but I really don't get why this is off putting, its just an arrangement. Just relax and don't over think things!

fascicle · 17/03/2014 08:37

DomesticDisgrace - I agree with a previous poster that you have taken the feedback on this thread really well. From what you've said, there are some promising signs (you both seem to like each other). I hope you have a great time on your date.

FunkyBoldRibena · 17/03/2014 09:01

Again, it's the fact that within two minutes of asking me on the date, he's working out who pays for what

I think that's bloody marvelous. Thinking about how you are both equal partners and not expecting either of you to sub the other...it's a good sign.

brdgrl · 17/03/2014 11:01

Domestic, you've been a good sport here and taken the 'BU's well.

Seriously - best of luck on your date and try not to get hung up on things that are no indication of whether you and he could be really happy together. :)

TiggyCBE · 17/03/2014 14:07

So what nosh are you getting?

littledrummergirl · 17/03/2014 14:25

Maybe he wanted to talk/ communicate with you and it was a conversation starter.
Enjoy your date.

VoyageDeVerity · 17/03/2014 16:22

Not everyone thought yabu OP!

I don't anticipate it will go well but I hope you have fun anyway ...

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