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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be put off by this?

544 replies

DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:39

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable! I met this really really lovely guy today and I was hoping he'd ask me out because we hit it off instantly! When I came home he did and I was absolutely delighted, we decided on the cinema and he texted saying "I'll book the tickets, can you look after the grub?"
I can't help but be really put off by him now, I'm disgusted with myself Blush
I haven't been on a date in about six years as I was with my ex and he wasn't working for the majority of our relationship so I'm super scared of ending up with a stinge (this guy is working by the way)

Am I being horrible? It's really put me off him!

OP posts:
Bumbershoot · 16/03/2014 17:51

I would have absolutely no problem! I know in this case he asked you out so in theory his treat,but it's silly how so many women expect to be paid for.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 17:56

Not if one of you is a recovering alcoholic and trying to avoid alcohol squoosh. I would think the other person lacked imagination if they suggested the pub.

I once had a date with someone in a wine bar which I found out he frequented as his local several times a week. Turned out all his mates were in there during our date. And he told me. Cringe. Going there and watching DVDs was all he did, apart from going to work. How bloody boring. I contemplated climbing out of the loo window, but decided just tell him he wasn't my cup of tea.

SometimesLonely · 16/03/2014 17:58

I can't see how it's hard to decide what to contribute. If Dateman had invited the OP, after the cinema, to a meal at his ... erm ... home for a meal for the first date, she would have just contributed a bottle of something and a box of biscuits / chocolates so would have spent money..

Why is it different if the date is in an impartial venue? Popcorn - dear me. A no no. Eating noisily with others trying to enjoy the film ... A proper meal even if it were a takeaway to eat in its packaging (fish and chips in newspaper, anyone?) would be a desirable food acquisition to take to a desirable venue afterwards....

PigletJohn · 16/03/2014 18:10

I'm contemplating OP saying in her profile "may be willing to go on dates provided you don't expect me to put my hand in my pocket"

that should have them flocking in.

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2014 18:12

But do you think that, PigletJohn, despite everything she's said? And she didn't meet him online.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 18:17

That is going to be weird, with him sat next to you munching away and you not eating.

If he suggests anything after, take a raincheck. It's going to be going Dutch like a pair of mates.

JessieMcJessie · 16/03/2014 18:22

I agree with two other posters who suggested this: OP insisted on buying the coffee last time they met. Dateman therefore has it in his head that she doesn't like men paying for things. He'd like to be traditional and pay so he decides to bear the large part of the expense i.e. the tickets. He thinks that by saying she can buy the popcorn he is being sensitive to her independence/pride and she'll feel more comfortable making a contribution.

OP I am sure you'll have a lovely time and that he's not a tightwad. Report back!Grin

LessMissAbs · 16/03/2014 18:27

CorusKate You poor thing, LessMiss. Have you no non-sexist male friends at all?

I have no sexist male friends CorusKate. They wouldn't be my friends if they were sexist. What sort of dates do you go on?

Even the (lovely) but much younger, really shy guy I went on a cinema date with managed to quietly pay for the cinema tickets, coke and popcorn himself.

Most men try to impress you, don't they? Dateman hasn't started off too well. Lets hope he redeems himself on the actual date.

JessieMcJessie · 16/03/2014 18:27

oh and the reason it's all being discussed in advance is (a) he wants to be sure you het good seats/ film isn't sold out and (b) by saying he'll book he's telling you that he's serious and won't cry off at the last minute.

VoyageDeVerity · 16/03/2014 19:09

I'll bet the OP isn't enamoured with this guy in the flesh... Just a feeling.

bluebeanie · 16/03/2014 19:09

I hate the word 'grub' but each to their own. I'd go on the date. If he gets a mountain of overpriced cinema 'grub' I'd be put off.

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 19:24

He just rang me again there, really really nice and lots of laughter and craic between us Smile

Voyage I actually was really enamoured by him in the flesh believe it or not. Surprisingly so, it's unheard of me to start ringing pals gushing but I did.

That one teeny weeny text was the only thing that put me off and it seems less important now the more I chat to him and he seems good humoured enough for me to be able to take the piss out of it eventually!

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 16/03/2014 19:26

maybe he's had the same experience as you and his ex bled him dry.

LessMissAbs · 16/03/2014 19:30

When are you going on the actual date OP?

(I'm just wondering why he is phoning you so much in advance)!

Sleepyfergus · 16/03/2014 19:34

So glad the text seems less important now as the ridiculous it was completely ridiculous

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 19:34

On Tuesday, yeah it's a bit more than I'd expect but I really don't want to rip every aspect of him to shreds!

OP posts:
Taffeta · 16/03/2014 19:38

I think it's fine! Esp as he is paying for tickets, maybe he doesn't want you to feel awkward about this. It's normal, to me. He sounds great.

Sleepyfergus · 16/03/2014 19:39

I'm glad the text seems less important now as the angst, judginess and over analysing was completely ridiculous. You get on well with him, he seems to like you.....yet there was a possibility that you had mentally written him off over 2 little ambiguous lines of text. So silly.

Sleepyfergus · 16/03/2014 19:43

Just when I think the OP is starting to be a bit more sensible about the whole thing....this - "But I really don't want to rip every aspect of him to shreds"

How kind of you Hmm

Poor, poor guy.

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 19:54

Feck sake sleepy I just mean that two calls and a couple of texts is a bit more than I'd expect after everything had been arranged.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 16/03/2014 20:20

which cinema are you going to OP, can we all come Grin

FWIW I think this is all out of proportion. This is 2014, why should the man, or inviter, pay for the whole date? Maybe Dateman has in the past dated IndignantWoman, who would not let him pay for her. Maybe he is dead keen and trying his best to get it right. How is he meant to second guess whether OP is the old fashioned sort who wants to be paid for, or the independent type who thinks you should split the costs.

I also think the text means, i'll buy the tickets, you get the drinks and popcorn. They did not talk about going for a meal as well.

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 20:28

I'd love you all to come!! You all saved me from my ridiculous self today!

OP posts:
brdgrl · 16/03/2014 21:03

he seems good humoured enough for me to be able to take the piss out of it eventually!
Why would you want to do that? Shock
I'm sorry...but that sounds so, so bitchy.
I cannot believe there are still so many women who think this way.

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 21:09

I mean if things ever actually took off and I was comfortable enough with him. Surely people disclose things like that to their partners down the road in lighthearted jest?

OP posts:
squoosh · 16/03/2014 21:11

Lighthearted jest?

This is Mumsnet OP Wink