To be so upset at nursery for this

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DS is 4 and attends a nursery and yesterday when I went to pick him up, I was told he'd called one of the staff members 'stinky Sarah'.

When I was told, I admit I found it funny and I turned my head to the left so my son couldn't see me and laughed. It wasn't a belly laugh, it was a small laugh and my child didn't see.

Today, when I've gone to pick DS up, I've been taken upstairs by a member of staff to talk about it. Apparently the staff are concerned about my DS because of what he said and that he laughed when he was told off (I wasn't made aware of that) and that I laughed.

When I've challenged them back on what exactly I'm being spoken to about its that I laughed. My response is that I don't get why the staff member didn't just say to me that they're taking it seriously or that it upset the member of staff rather than going behind my back like that.

He only has 5 months left before school but I just feel like the trust has gone completely from the nursery and that I want to move him.

I need some honest advice please.

As a victim of bullying from the age of about 7 by children my own age (including being called names that seemed to rhyme or sound silly), I find these excuses for bullying "It's funny" or "It's only a joke" or "Haven't you got a sense of humour?" or "That's my sense of humour" to be spectacularly unfunny and unimpressive.

balroymum

Totally agree its ridiculous.

I was bullied terribly from the age of 8 to 16

But I can see the difference between a daft comment made by a small child and calculated actual bullying.

I was also bullied terribly from the age of 12-16. A four-year-old saying "Stinky Sarah" is not bullying imho.

Infact someone trying to make out that this is bullying is trivialising actual bullying imo

This is how bullies are made, what a fucking ridiculous comment.

Well asking them to give you full information is blaming them and p-a to me. Anyway, glad it's sorted, this really isn't a big deal.

It's not bullying. But I think the point the pp was trying to make is that is important to teach children from an early age that it's not on to call other people names.

It's not bullying. But I think the point the pp was trying to make is that is important to teach children from an early age that it's not on to call other people names

Agreed.

I wasn't calling the OP's child a bully. I was making a more general comment about some people (and some posters on this thread) about the excuses that people make which communicate a message that calling people names is OK. And I do think that adults who laugh or smirk at calling people names, or saying "well that's my sense of humour" create the atmosphere in which bullying could develop.

The number of times, as a young child, when I was teased or called horrible names, and protested and was told"Oh can't you take a joke?" That is the cowardly bully's excuse.

Agreed Upthechimney.

As someone who was verbally, sexually and physically bullied from the age of 8 to 16 name calling can have a serious effect. Including making an 8 year old attempt suicide.

Bullying is not a joke and as a society we need to stop the idea that name calling is an 'ok' form of bullying because it's not physical. If he's had positive affirmation by the op smirking, how long before he's calling other kids to get a smirk from his friends? All it takes is for people to ignore this stuff for the cycle to continue.

I was bullied by kids who called me smelly as a teenager, doesn't stop me finding a 4 yr old innocently using a rude word a bit funny. Perfectly normal for 4 yr olds to get socialising wrong and need stuff explaining.

Bullying is in the person's intentions not just in the words. I was called a particular name by a friend for years, that wasn't bullying - but when someone else adopted the same name as a term of derision then it became bullying.

Perhaps I'm projecting innocence from my own kids and OP's DS is going round being rude all week and trying to upset his carers but it didn't sound like that from her posts.

DS called me a poo-poo head once, I almost certainly smirked, explained that that was not an acceptable way to talk, he's not done it since. If similar happened at nursery I'd expect them to deal with it in a similar way and wouldn't really expect to hear about it. Probably without the smirk as they're probably more used to 3 yr old blunders and better at keeping a straight face. Though I have to say DS's reception teacher did have a bit of a smile telling me about some minor misdeed he and his friend had been up to, so even teachers aren't immune to finding kids funny.

So your son was rude and you laughed ? Way to go op. Teach him that it's ok to be rude to others as mummy will find it all terribly funny.

The child is 4 and stinky isn't exactly a horrifying insult. Yes I would have probably giggled as well. I mean so what

It's nothing like bullying, not because of what he said - ofc insults like that can be part of bullying - but because he is a 4 year old child and the target was an adult. You can't compare a child saying something to an adult with them saying it to another child of their own age, or even worse a younger child.

Actually I'd be concerned because he felt it okay to say about an adult. If he can say it about an adult what would he say about his peers?

Oh for fucks sake.