To be so upset at nursery for this

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DS is 4 and attends a nursery and yesterday when I went to pick him up, I was told he'd called one of the staff members 'stinky Sarah'.

When I was told, I admit I found it funny and I turned my head to the left so my son couldn't see me and laughed. It wasn't a belly laugh, it was a small laugh and my child didn't see.

Today, when I've gone to pick DS up, I've been taken upstairs by a member of staff to talk about it. Apparently the staff are concerned about my DS because of what he said and that he laughed when he was told off (I wasn't made aware of that) and that I laughed.

When I've challenged them back on what exactly I'm being spoken to about its that I laughed. My response is that I don't get why the staff member didn't just say to me that they're taking it seriously or that it upset the member of staff rather than going behind my back like that.

He only has 5 months left before school but I just feel like the trust has gone completely from the nursery and that I want to move him.

I need some honest advice please.

It's still extremely rude.

I just think it's a big reaction over the word stinky. If it had been dickheads or a swear word etc then I would get it. I get it's rude but it's not the end of world.

I don't mean to be defensive and I take the feedback on board.

I honestly think it's about personal values and perceptions. I would never dream of laughing if my son had broken someone's work or pushed someone etc but I guess I just think stinky isn't that bad. Yes, it's rude but if that's the worst I have to deal with then I think I'm very lucky. I'm sure some of you won't agree and I respect that.

The staff member doesn't actually smell for those that are asking.

How incredibly sad, isthatwhatdemonsdo. Do you think his mum finds it amusing too?

Yeah OP. That's right. Sticks and stones eh? Being rude or calling someone names can never harm them can it? Pah! What a fuss over nothing eh?

I await your post in 10 years time when your DS is being verbally bullied to see if you smirk then eh?

Being kind, not being rude. These are persoal values which I value but you clearly don't.

I think the important thing is showing a united front with nurseries and schools. The moment you react like that you are not showing support. The nursery should not have to tell you that it upset a member of staff. Common sense alone should make you realise that if they raised it as an issue then you should be backing them up. Don't ever assume your child has apologised, take the moment to firmly tell them off and apologise again as this reinforces to your child that you support the nursery. You've come across as rude and childish, the nursery has done nothing wrong.

bitoutlfpractice - I think you're being very quick to judge.

I've said that I'm not going to laugh going forward even though my thoughts will still be that it's funny. That won't change.

I've still told my son it's not the right thing to do and I've tackled that.

I don't want my son to make people sad and I don't want to intentionally upset people but I do want my child to be able to express himself and I can help him with the boundaries.

I acknowledge my actions could have been better but given that there are children that constantly bite others at nursery etc, it seems trivial in comparison.

We shall have to agree to disagree. I'm happy with my values and those of my child to so that's all that matters to me.

Their overreaction, if you persist in seeing it that way, was in response to your reaction on being told of your sons behaviour, not just the behaviour itself, op.
If you'd reacted appropriately I doubt you'd have been taken in for questioning.
As things are now, they'll probably be watching very very closely...

I can't believe that they are making such a fuss over a preschooler saying something silly.

I can't believe that they are making such a fuss over a preschooler saying something silly.

Oops.

For me though because I reinforced it at home and said there and then when he was putting his shoes on that he wasn't getting a sticker, I thought id done that. I get that I could have done more but had this not been raised I would have always done what I've always done iyswim?

Nursery can watch me closely, I'm not sure what they will achieve by it though.

Beertrickspotter - they have some coals out back that they haul kids and parents over for really bad behaviour!

I managed to read your message and post this whilst laughing inside but not externally. That's growth right?!

Maybe that's how people get those lovely fish pouts beertrickspotter, from turning smirks into disapproving looks but thinking it's sexy.

Too bloody right I'm judging!

You smirked when you were told about your son misbehaving.

He did the same when he was reprimanded.

He is modelling your behaviour!

Then when you are pulled up on the smirking you get all defensive and offended. I expect your son will feel just as outraged when he is next told off, modelling you.

Do you not see that the reaction (from you and your son!) is what has hacked the nursery off. Not his name calling?

But hey, you are happy with your values and it's all OK if your son is able to express himself freely.

So answer this: your DS does something naughty. You tell him off. He smirks at you. How does that make you feel?

My guess would be "Pretty fucking irritated!"

Oh big deal! I wouldn't have laughed but some people do react like that. Nursery are overreacting and they're not the only ones reading some of the ridiculous posts on this thread. Verbal abuse in 10 years time? That's some crystal ball you've got there.

I would have a chat about saying mean things and hurting people's feelings and leave it at that.

Oh for god's sake, I'd have chuckled too. Really, are the nursery staff so sensitive that this even has to be mentioned, if so, then they're in the wrong job.

OP IMO the nursery have grossly overreacted.

Gosh, that'd make me smile, stinky is such a 4 yr old word to use. For me that's a hide a smile, explain why it's not appropriate, forget about it. I'd really expect nursery to deal with that sort of incident on their own unless it's part of a bigger picture. It's just a 4 yr old copying a word he's heard. And heard from other kids at nursery I'd hazard a guess, OP doesn't seem the sort to throw nursery insults around.
TBH I think nursery making such a big deal of it is more likely to make him do it again as he'll know it gets a reaction.

I think the OP is getting a hard time here. She's taken on board that she was being U and shouldn't have smiled. She by no means sounds like a terrible mother.

OP - I might have mis judged this situation the first time. If this is a pattern or habit of name calling then a 4 year old must be told - but I can see you know that.

Some posters are being a bit harsh! I used to laugh due to nerves as a child, if I got told off I'd either laugh or piss myself with fear or laugh then burst into tears. I have much more control as an adult but do sometimes laugh in inappropriate situations due to nerves/ embarrassment.
I don't see why nursery would be "concerned", surely lots of kids have nervous laughs when being told off? Seems to me like nursery have made a mountain out of a mole hill.
That being said, it was rude and he does need to understand he can't say things like that.