To be so upset at nursery for this

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DS is 4 and attends a nursery and yesterday when I went to pick him up, I was told he'd called one of the staff members 'stinky Sarah'.

When I was told, I admit I found it funny and I turned my head to the left so my son couldn't see me and laughed. It wasn't a belly laugh, it was a small laugh and my child didn't see.

Today, when I've gone to pick DS up, I've been taken upstairs by a member of staff to talk about it. Apparently the staff are concerned about my DS because of what he said and that he laughed when he was told off (I wasn't made aware of that) and that I laughed.

When I've challenged them back on what exactly I'm being spoken to about its that I laughed. My response is that I don't get why the staff member didn't just say to me that they're taking it seriously or that it upset the member of staff rather than going behind my back like that.

He only has 5 months left before school but I just feel like the trust has gone completely from the nursery and that I want to move him.

I need some honest advice please.

What a lot of fuss. As a manager of a nursery many parents chuckle when told their child has been misbehaving, often its embarrassment, shock or sometimes it is funny. OP reinforced with telling the child no sticker.

Unless their is a huge back story its OTT. I have called a parent in, but only when they witnessed their child hitting a staff member and said nothing to back up staff then asked the child to stop crying and produced a bag of sweets for the child.

My DS always smiles when he's getting told off - as a nervous thing - it's been a big problem for us at school - if you can stop your DS doing that you'll save yourself a lot of problems

If it's any consolation Op my Ds did similar at nursery. I was taken to one side and told that upon being given his cottage pie lunch, my then 3 year old had declared " what is this crap? Take it away!" Complete with flamboyant hand gesture. I admit I did smirk. Sometimes small children say rude things, sometimes it's funny but I agree we can't let them know that as it only encourages them.

I certainly wouldn't move your child OP it will all be forgotten in a few days I bet.

This is such an odd thread. What's not to understand?

OP I'm guessing I'm just way off with nursery etiquette

No, you're just way off with etiquette.

For those wondering how the nursery deal with swearing, I suspect that isn't a problem because they nip rude words in the bud.

What a big fuss over nothing. The nursery have completely over reacted. Surely they have worse than this to deal with. Granted you shouldn't have laughed but I don't think it justifies the further reaction.

As for the posters having a go at the op for being rude. Oh the irony.

I would put it behind you op. As you say he will be gone soon.

That made me piratejelly*

Stinky Sarah... you should have been mortified not laughed?

Ps I was being ironic...it does seem a bit OTT

Frankly you were rude to laugh. You should have backed the staff and told your son off there and then, not Later at home.

You should learn your lesson and not do that when your ds goes to school, you will royally piss off the staff.

What a storm in a teacup!
Forget it, Stinky Sarah needs to get over it.
Honestly adults in this role should be professional and ignore such petty events.

I would've laughed.

I must be one of those annoying types of parents, but I would've found it quite funny and wouldn't have expected the nursery to take it seriously. Maybe told him that we don't call people names or something.

"You will royally piss off the staff"

Hope you're shivering with terror OP!

Has no one laughed at their childs bad behaviour before then?

I think Im screwed!

Ok so she shouldnt have laughed when they told her, but its not the crime of the century.

OP I dont think it was a huge crime to laugh, equally I dont think it was a huge crime to pull you up on it. They were pissed off, you were pissed off. Everyone was a bit too pissed off if you think about it.

Just say you'll have words with him and thats that. Whether you choose to or not, well thats up to you.

As a teacher this is one of my most hated reactions to telling a parent about their child's behaviour. No wonder the children in question behave the way they do when the parent condones the behave through their own responses.

You should have taken the member of staff's side and made your child apologise.

I just did a double take thinking I started this thread without knowing it! We have almost identical MN names.

Oh StinkySarah Im suuuuuuuure he didnt mean it.

I think it was a huge over reaction on the nursery's part..yes your son was rude and you were wrong to laugh, but he's only 4! They are still learning and its completely normal for them to giggle inappropriately! They can also be led on very easily at nursery by other children. .the nursery should be aware of that. My ds is also 4 and only last week said to his keyworker "you stink of poo poos" at the moment (like a lot of little boys that age) he is going through a phase where anything to do with poos, farts, bottoms, and stinkey smells is hilarious. I think the nursery were wrong to pull you up and "tell you off" so to speak. I wouldn't get bothered about it.

I definitely would have found it difficult not to have smirked just because of the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. As long as he didn't call her a slut then it's hardly the end of the world. If you feel you dealt with it appropriately when you got home then it sounds as though nursery were a little heavy handed.

Even teachers sometimes feel the need to go and tidy a cupboard to laugh It takes a lot of practice to not laugh when your child has done something naughty but funny. Some people laugh when they are nervous.

I think nursery staff were quite right to talk to you about your sons original comment, I also don't think they were over-reacting when they talked to you the next day about your response.
I don't think that small children calling adults 'stinky' or swearing is ever cute or acceptable. They need to be told that this is not a nice thing to do, and parents need to back that up too.
Not only did you not back that up when staff told you, you smirked. Whether or not your son saw that, the nursery staff did and quite rightly got teed off about it.
I'm assuming staff at the nursery know your son well enough to know if his laughing when he was told off was through nerves or not. It doesn't sound like it was.

I think I would have had a twitchy-mouthed response to this revelation too, OP. And if the nursery workers hadn't then I'd question their intelligence, quite frankly. HOWEVER, this is one of those 'adult' situations where you have to suck it up and model good behaviour/proper manners for your child and demonstrate an alliance with the nursery staff by making him apologize and giving him a lecture. .

Did the staff say whether this was a one off OP and he is usually a polite boy at nursery, or did they raise it because he has been getting quite rude and cheeky at nursery and they wanted to put a stop to it?