AIBU to ask my MIL to do up her trousers?

[JayoftheRed]

Hi all, I'm new here but wondering if I'm being a bit unreasonable about my MIL's trousers.

I have one son, he's 14 months and about 4 months ago I went back to work. Thankfully, my mum and MIL stepped up and offered to help with childcare as there's no way I could afford to send him to a nursery.

My MIL has him a day and a half a week, and everything is fine, we get on OK (although not great - I don't see her outside of dropping DS off if I can manage it). The thing I think I might be unreasonable about is that quite often when I drop him off, she answers the door in a pair of trousers with the zip undone. She doesn't wear long tops to cover it, so it's perfectly obvious to anyone, and you can see her knickers. I don't like it, I think it's totally unnecessary - she has other trousers.

I have mentioned it a few times "Oh, MIL, your trousers are undone" type thing, like anyone might. But she just smiles and says "yes, these trousers don't fit, I wear them to remind myself to lose weight."

She hasn't ever lost any weight, not to the point where these trousers will do up anyway, and besides, she's not a big woman by any means, (maybe a size 12?) so doesn't really need to worry about it, IMO.

I've mentioned it once or twice recently, but she really doesn't seem interested. I'm really not comfortable with her having DS with her pants on display; she takes him out to playgroup and to the park and library etc, with her pants on show for all to see.

Am I being unreasonable that I really don't want my son out with her like this? I don't think it's suitable for an older lady who isn't his mother (however much she'd like to be) to be showing her underwear. I also feel that it's hypocritical - when I wear little strappy tops where you can see my bra straps, she tuts and says it's inappropriate.

Sorry for the length, but I'm wondering, should I insist that she wear trousers that fit when she's looking after DS or should I just leave it?

Cigarettesandsmirnoff: yes. I do now. It helps that we live far away from her and also that DH will stand for none of her shit.

The mil isn't offering childcare to help the OP - she's offering it because she wants to look after the baby. Therefore I don't see why the OP has to be endlessly grateful.

OP the best thing you could do is yo stop the weekend visits. You don't have to negotiate - you work all week and you are entitled to this time with your dh and baby.

I understand that it's tough to break the established routine. I used to have this with my mil and in the end I had to say to her that dh and I needed our weekends to ourselves because we just weren't getting any time together. She didn't like it, but we stuck with it and things are so much better now.

if it's a choice in life between you being happy and your mil being happy, then it might as well be you! Put yourself first - your mil is definitely putting herself first.

I guess as long as she makes sure your DS has his trousers done up when she takes him out then all might be well
HEY! why don't you buy her a belt for her birthday?

OP, this is your DS. You must take action if you are unhappy. If anyone, including my own DM or DMIL made me feel like I couldn't hold my baby, then they'd have very short shrift from me.

Your MIL clearly loves your DS and that relationship can be nurtured and respected, but you are the parent and it must be clear to her that you call the shots. So if you want to spend the weekends with you, your dp and ds go for it. You don't need to negotiate your time with your MIL.

As for the pants thing, that it weird and if anyone says it's not, I dare then to go out shopping or do the school run tomorrow with their too tight trousers on, and knickers showing, and see whether they get odd looks.

Skipped to the end, so sorry if I'm repeating, but why not buy her some trousers as a gift? Yoga pants or something with an elasticated waist that she can't leave to gape open. You can say it's a thank you gift in exchange for her help, then guilt trip her if she goes back to the too small ones. 'Oh, didn't you like the ones I got you then?'

You could get her a trouser extender like pregnant women use

www.amazon.co.uk/Grobag-401-Multi-One-Size-Belly-Belt/dp/B0010X4F02