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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say DH is a prick and ds2 is a brat!

284 replies

Skivvywoman · 11/03/2014 21:26

I'm so so angry I can't even look at them or speak to them!

I'm fed up cooking meals and ds2 not being here to eat them so I put them aside for him to eat when he comes in but they end up in the bin!

He comes home from school today gets changed and is about to go out, I tell him he can go out after his tea, he tells me he's going to town with his GF I tell him he's not he's having his tea first! I go into the kitchen and all I hear is see ya go through and he's gone so I shout out the window to get back in he says he will be back for 6pm I tell him if he goes he's grounded, all along DH is just sitting there saying nothing!!

He comes in at 6.10pm all happy happy so I tell him he's grounded, he said so I'm grounded cause I wasn't here to eat your shite tea! I told him no it's because he went out when I said no,

One thing lead to another and he told me I always cause arguments in the house,I've gave him a shit childhood and it's always DH who has provided for him!!
I was so angry as DH sat and never said a thing just had a smirk on his face!
I got upset that he said I've gave him a shit childhood and his dads provided everything,
I said to DH you better get him to his room before I punch him (I wouldn't) DH said I think you should go to your room you said some hurtful things!!
I had tears in my eyes DH told me I was harsh by saying he couldn't go out and he only said it to get out (wrong way to fucking go)

He's been in his room all night then DH said later on think you were harsh it was trivial, so I've told him he can deal with him from now on I'm not interested anymore!

I always feel I'm fighting a losing battle as DH never ever sticks up for me or backs me up!

OP posts:
bigkidsdidit · 12/03/2014 13:02

But you do already buy him separate stuff, if he never eats what you plate up? And you buy pot noodles and things, which are expensive?

cory · 12/03/2014 13:04

But you still haven't explained why you can't eat it the next day. I didn't throw yesterday's bolognese away because dd came home too tired to eat: I am still licking my chops. And if I hadn't eaten it for lunch I would have had it for supper.

You also haven't explained why you simply can't plan for smaller meals in the first place and let him eat wheetabix.

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/03/2014 13:05

It could be eaten as a meal but not as a lunch,

I'll have words with him later not today I'm still to peed off with him and I'll get him to write down when he will be in for tea or if he tells me the day before!

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 12/03/2014 13:06

What an excellent, insightful post, MiscellaneousAssortment. I hope Skivvywoman reads it. Really reads it, rather than just dismissing it, because it's not agreeing with how she does things.

I think it must be really stressful to live in Skivvywoman''s home and there's no need for it. Sad for all concerned.

MamaPain · 12/03/2014 13:06

What do you all have for lunch?

Why can't you do it that if there are leftovers because someone isn't present for tea (surely your 18year old isn't always around at 5pm), and they don't want to eat it later, someone can take those leftovers as a lunch the next day? If it was gong to be reheated a few hours later it can wait until the following lunchtime.

Then the money you save on those lunches you can use to buy 1 or 2 large loaves a week and a few tins of beans, and those who miss or don't want dinner can have beans on toast.

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/03/2014 13:06

No pot noodles are for ds1 packed lunch but he eats them!

OP posts:
steff13 · 12/03/2014 13:06

I made chicken in the crockpot yesterday (from frozen), shredded it for tacos, and put half in the fridge. This morning, I put the remaining in the crockpot with some other stuff for chicken tortilla soup. I do that sort of thing all the time. I'm doing something similar with porkchops tomorrow night, too.

Just eat what you want with the rest of the family, put the leftovers in the fridge, and if he doesn't want it when he gets home, you can have it the next day. Or, can your husband take it to work for lunch? Mine does that all the time.

Gruntfuttock · 12/03/2014 13:07

I meant to say, there's no way I'd want to eat a meal at 5pm. That's hours too early for me and my family.

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/03/2014 13:08

No one is in at lunch time, DH and ds1 can't take it they have nowhere to reheat it as they work outside
Dd takes a packed lunch and so does ds1

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 12/03/2014 13:09

SO don't throw it away either have it for lunch/dinner yourself and DD or give it to either dh or ds for tea the next day.

If it was me I would cook for myself and dd for 5pm then, your husband and son can fend for themselves. I also wouldn't be doing anything for either of them.

Until they learn that you are not their slave.

cory · 12/03/2014 13:09

So he can never be allowed to say yes to a sudden invite to a friend's house or a sudden change of plans re school revision- because he has to tell you the day before?

And you are still too upset to even speak to him today over something that happened yesterday. Do you often brood that long over things?

I know teens can be awkward and need firm management- but this really doesn't sound like a happy way of running a household.

MamaPain · 12/03/2014 13:09

Ok seems I am too slow at posting, cory has beat me to it (my ocado delivery did come at the same time so thats my excuse).

What on earth are you cooking that cannot be eaten for lunch, only for tea?

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 12/03/2014 13:10

But if you can afford pot noodles, you can afford to get a loaf of bread and some cheese and beans in, or some jacket potatoes that can be frozen and heated as and when.

You're saying you can't afford to keep throwing food away, but YOU'RE the one making too much and therefore you're effectively chucking your own money down the pan. Leftovers can easily be stuck in the fridge and reheated a day or so later, it's not a problem.

If you didn't have pizza, pot noodles and supernoodles in the house, you may find he will eat the leftovers, but if there are other, more "teen-friendly" options, of course he's going to pick those!

Clutterbugsmum · 12/03/2014 13:10

If he eats all the pot noodles before the end of the week then he have to wait until you go shopping.

MamaPain · 12/03/2014 13:10

Why can't you eat it for lunch, your in a 2pm?

Also why can't you reuse it as part of a packed lunch?

What are your typical meals?

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/03/2014 13:11

I always thought 5pm was normal tea time!
I honestly couldn't be bothered cooking at 7pm I'm ready for my bed by that time

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 12/03/2014 13:11

You're an enabler and don't know how to stop being a martyr by the sounds of it. Just listen to yourself saying you aren't going to do XYZ for him any more. I can almost hear you adding "that'll show him!"

Negotiate. Develop a more flexible approach to meals. Cook for whoever and buy in bread/sandwich stuff/pasta etc for quick meals he can make himself.

I don't think you're even listening to the advice. You sound as though you're addicted to being needed and it must be frustrating for your family. You're storing up a whole load of future unhappiness for yourself too.

MamaPain · 12/03/2014 13:12

Another question is how do your kids have friends round if its all so precise? You must have some flexibility, what do you do if there is another mouth to feed?

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/03/2014 13:13

Time i come home I've already had a sandwhich inbetween jobs!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 12/03/2014 13:14

I doubt if most people eat at 5pm and are ready for bed at 7pm. I'm usually still at work at 7pm. I thought only old fashioned seaside landladies served up 5pm evening meals.

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/03/2014 13:15

I'll bung in a pizza or share our tea out if they have friends unexpectedly depending on what were having,

OP posts:
LovelyJubblies · 12/03/2014 13:15

Kick your unsupportive prick of a oh out.
Stop doing everything for your son.
My eldest ds is nearly 15, I cook tea during the day (I work evenings) then he reheats it when he wants it.
If he doesn't want what I've cooked (very very rare because the rule is you eat what your given) he'll make himself something simple.
You honestly sound like your hearts in the right place but as they grow up you need to undo the apron strings a little..its horrible but needs to happen.

Just to repeat your oh is a prick, theres no way in hell I would accept that from my dh.
Good luck

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/03/2014 13:16

But then I've been up since 4.15am so I'm knackerd by then

OP posts:
chocoluvva · 12/03/2014 13:16

skivvy - you don't have to justify your meal choices or times to anyone on MN. (FWIW eating at 5 sounds like a very sensible arrangement to me given your circumstances).

'
But try not to take your DS' comments to heart. Easier said than done of course - once I kicked DD out of the car on the way to the supermarket just to get stuff for her when she claimed that I "don't really do anything for her"! Most 15YOs are horrible like this. I was too, though I ended up with a fantastic relationship with my mum as an adult. When he's a bit older your DS will be grateful for your efforts.

I don't know what to suggest Re your DH. Obviously it would be ideal if you could discuss the significance of his behaviour with him and he would understand (and preferably apologise). However, as you are the one who organises the meals the best you can do is to tell your DS that you get the final say on mealtimes.

Come on to the 'Teenagers' section - lots of sympathetic advice and understanding there usually.

MamaPain · 12/03/2014 13:16

It's really not. To be honest I don't think it matters when people eat if it suits there family and for the most part it does seem to suit your family because of the activities you mentioned.

However I'm sure if you started a thread in chat about what time people eat their evening meal you would find the majority eat later and those who eat at 5pm are ones with young children.