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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

opinions please on Dubai holiday with 2 week old and 3.5yr old

83 replies

ksrwr · 10/03/2014 12:58

hi all,

I need an outside opinion or two.

I'm coming up for 12 weeks pregnant, EDD 26th September.

My mother in law has booked and paid for a family holiday departing UK on 24th October. so that will involved her, her 3 children (one of which is my DH), and all their respective partners and children, 12 people in total.

i am asking my DH to cancel us going on this family holiday for the following reasons:

my DD was 2 weeks late.
i'm expecting this baby to be 2 weeks late.
which will give me 2 weeks to register birth, get passport, get my head back together, and go on holiday.
i had extreme anxiety after DD was born, and relied heavily on Health Visitors.
the baby fog lifted approx 2 months after birth last time.
the holiday is in dubai.
my DH has melanoma, so i'm paranoid about my DD inheriting this by being out in the sun too much, so i'm pretty anti Dubai holiday anyway.
we used to go to Dubai a lot pre-malanoma, but i feel very differently about sunshine now

my DH is saying no, he's saying we should go, he will take DD to the water park, play with her in the pool all day, and if i'm going to be stuck inside with a newborn, i may as well do so in 5 star luxury.

i am worrying if i'm being ungrateful about this holiday.
i am worrying that i will feel like this is a huge pressure hanging over me when i'm getting to the end of pregnancy/first days of having newborn.
am i making a fuss over nothing?
i'm sure the anxiety won't be the same this time around, i wont have the chance, i'll have a 3.5 yr old to look after as well as a newborn.

what are your thoughts please mumsnet jury?
should we go? or cancel?

OP posts:
SimplyRedHead · 10/03/2014 13:04

DO. NOT. GO.

What a ridiculous thing to imagine a brand new mother of two would like to do.

What about your husband taking your eldest and you staying at home with the baby (if you want to?).

Original poster
ksrwr · 10/03/2014 13:06

yeah, he has suggested that... its an option... but i would miss my DD a LOT in that week...
am very chuffed that you agree with me ;-)

OP posts:
Pooka · 10/03/2014 13:06

No!

How likely does he think it is that you will get an appointment to register the birth THEN a passport in a 2 week window after having the baby?

formerbabe · 10/03/2014 13:07

If your baby is late and born in October...I can't see how you would have enough time to register the baby and get the passport. I had to wait quite a while for an appointment with the registry office...it wasn't instant.

I wouldn't go...I think its quite ridiculous.

Original poster
ksrwr · 10/03/2014 13:09

i hadn't thought of that... you do have to wait for an appointment to register the birth dont you, i think it was a 2 week wait with DD now you remind me!
excellent!!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 10/03/2014 13:09

I think it would be a shame if he went without you. The first few weeks are important for all of you as a family.

You have no idea what the birth will be like, or your recovery. I really think that none of you should go.

And can you really take a very new baby on a long flight?

Nicknacky · 10/03/2014 13:10

I'm all for getting back to a state of normality after a baby but that's ridiculous. I got over my section quick, no depression/ill health etc and no way would I consider that.

Original poster
ksrwr · 10/03/2014 13:10

good point, hadn't even factored in possible birth complications.
my case is getting stronger by the minute.
thank you all.

OP posts:
Pooka · 10/03/2014 13:11

It took about 7 days for an appointment with dd, 2 weeks with ds1 and three with ds2!

schokolade · 10/03/2014 13:12

I have a six week old. Cancel, definitely!! There is no way I would have made it to Dubai (or anywhere else) when the baby was 2-4 weeks old. No way in hell. Even if it IS possible to get a passport in 2 weeks (doubtful), you won't be taking photographs etc for the application when you're bleeding heavily.

I would just TELL DH no way on Earth would it be happening. Is your DD his, and does he remember what the early days were like?!

In case you need any more excuses:

  • Won't the baby need vaccinations for Dubai?
  • I wouldn't take a newborn on a plane unless absolutely necessary. People get sick a lot on planes and I wouldn't have my newborn exposed to that.
  • What if you/the baby gets sick or has a birth complication? Your medical care is not in Dubai. Or you could have a CS and not be able to fly, or complications that require blood thinners and not be able to fly, etc.

What would you gain from going? Absolutely nothing. What would you gain staying at home? Safety, peace of mind and bonding with your baby.

Petal02 · 10/03/2014 13:12

Even though I've never had a baby, the thought of going on holiday 2 weeks after giving birth sounds really scary. (Even if it were possible re passports).

Dannygirl · 10/03/2014 13:12

No way would I consider going abroad until at least after the first set of immunisations (8 weeks). Good luck!

natwebb79 · 10/03/2014 13:12

No! Just no!

Emubaby · 10/03/2014 13:13

Can you even fly with a baby that young?
There is no way I would even consider it.

Pooka · 10/03/2014 13:13

While I could have done a flight when dd was that age physically, mentally I was all over the place. With ds1 I was on fine form mentally but had bad tear and piles. Could not have sat on a 7 hr flight. With ds2 mind and body were at one and I could have managed it.

But with none of them would I have been able to get passport in time!

Dannygirl · 10/03/2014 13:14

PS I have a newborn DS (he is 4 weeks today) and the idea of having flown over to Dubai in this last month gives me palpitations!

schokolade · 10/03/2014 13:14

And I would be VERY unimpressed if he went without me too.

Once your MIL knows your expecting, is she likely to be an ally in pointing out to your DH that this is ridiculous?!

SimplyRedHead · 10/03/2014 13:16

The more I think about this the more COMPLETELY LUDICROUS I think it is!

What if baby is two weeks late and then takes 3 days to arrive or you have an unplanned CS?

You will still be bleeding so can't swim or prance about in a bikini.
You'll be leaking milk and your boobs will be enormous / or you'll be having to sterilise bottles and boil water all night. You'll barely know which way is up so certainly won't want to be in unfamiliar surroundings.
Your body will be getting over pregnancy so you may well be constantly boiling (like I was) or freezing (like my friend).
You'll want friends and family round for support / visiting and then GOING HOME - not staying with them 24/7.

The list is endless.

Take comfort from the fact that you won't be able to do it anyway - there's no way you can guarantee getting a passport / birth certificate in that timeframe. I couldn't register my son until he was about a month old!

Also, just say you won't know your child's name until after they are born so they can't be booked on the plane anyway!

Did your MIL know you were pregnant when she booked?

formerbabe · 10/03/2014 13:16

You are also under the care of the midwives first and then the HV until 6 weeks post birth aren't you? That would mean you would be out of the country before your 6 week post birth check up, so what would you do if you were having any problems/complications?

schokolade · 10/03/2014 13:16

When I was 2 weeks post birth my DH drove me, him and the baby to the local supermarket. He parked underneath the supermarket, helped me and the baby to the cafe and he went shopping while I sat in the cafe feeling mentally and physically exhausted. We then went home and I slept for the rest of the day.

I doubt I could have managed to pack a suitcase, let alone get any nearer to Dubai.

Qix · 10/03/2014 13:16

I think it's quite funny he thinks you could go.

Blu · 10/03/2014 13:17

Well, in MIL-mind-land you could have the baby a week early, get a swift appt for registering, then a v swift turnaround for the passport...and off you go.

OR

You could be 2 weeks late, have a C Section or some other complication for you or baby, have to stay in hospital for 5 days and then wait 2 weeks to register the birth. Then there could be a passport delay..and a tremendous lot of money would have been wasted.

I would hate to be in a place with 40' heat with a newborn, and I'd hate to be cooped up in a hotel, too.

And no way would I be happy for DH to disappear on hol leaving me at home with a newborn.

Of course, if you cancel (as you should, IMO), it wil be scenario 1 and MIL and DH will be all 'told you so' and resentful.

He had no right to put you in such a no-win situation, really. It is a ridiculous proposition. Unless you know yourself to be totally gung ho about travelling with a tiny baby. But the passport issue would still be VERY touch and go.

BeaWheesht · 10/03/2014 13:17

Your dh is being a twat, there's no way I'd be agreeing to that and in fact would be incredulous he even considered it

blueberryboybait · 10/03/2014 13:17

Your baby will need to be at least 14 days before they can fly although some airlines won't fly them until they are 4 weeks.

He is being a bit selfish if he thinks this will be fun for you.

Fresh01 · 10/03/2014 13:20

DH is being very unrealistic.

Get out old baby photos of DC1 from their newborns days and talk about them. Remind him of the unpredictibility of feeding, the crying episode just cos they are a newborn and how even a short trips to the shops need the planning and stamina of an epic expedition.