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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

opinions please on Dubai holiday with 2 week old and 3.5yr old

83 replies

ksrwr · 10/03/2014 12:58

hi all,

I need an outside opinion or two.

I'm coming up for 12 weeks pregnant, EDD 26th September.

My mother in law has booked and paid for a family holiday departing UK on 24th October. so that will involved her, her 3 children (one of which is my DH), and all their respective partners and children, 12 people in total.

i am asking my DH to cancel us going on this family holiday for the following reasons:

my DD was 2 weeks late.
i'm expecting this baby to be 2 weeks late.
which will give me 2 weeks to register birth, get passport, get my head back together, and go on holiday.
i had extreme anxiety after DD was born, and relied heavily on Health Visitors.
the baby fog lifted approx 2 months after birth last time.
the holiday is in dubai.
my DH has melanoma, so i'm paranoid about my DD inheriting this by being out in the sun too much, so i'm pretty anti Dubai holiday anyway.
we used to go to Dubai a lot pre-malanoma, but i feel very differently about sunshine now

my DH is saying no, he's saying we should go, he will take DD to the water park, play with her in the pool all day, and if i'm going to be stuck inside with a newborn, i may as well do so in 5 star luxury.

i am worrying if i'm being ungrateful about this holiday.
i am worrying that i will feel like this is a huge pressure hanging over me when i'm getting to the end of pregnancy/first days of having newborn.
am i making a fuss over nothing?
i'm sure the anxiety won't be the same this time around, i wont have the chance, i'll have a 3.5 yr old to look after as well as a newborn.

what are your thoughts please mumsnet jury?
should we go? or cancel?

OP posts:
Blu · 10/03/2014 13:21

We went on hol in the UK when my pfb was 2 and a half weeks old - to a seaside hotel, me driving - and then we went to Greece at 9 weeks, which was completely fine. I wouldn't be going so far away with such a tiny baby, though.

BeaWheesht · 10/03/2014 13:21

Oh and fwiw I have the same age gap - and actually very similar circumstances all round, 2 weeks after I had my youngest we went to the shops, I stood up and blood poured all down my legs and out overflowing my shoes, it was gross and scary and caused my overdoing it. By overdoing it I mean shopping, nursery runs, play dates etc not bloody Dubai!

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 10/03/2014 13:23

OMG NOOOOOOO!

What exactly are you going to be doing in Dubai, because I guarantee you won't be feeling like getting your bikini on and jumping in the pool with a brand new baby!

Your MIL is a plonker for even suggesting this. Why on earth couldn't the holiday be booked later? Is there any reason it has to be this date? Also, why would she pay for it already without getting a definite yes from you.

She must have a bloody bad memory about having children if she thinks any of the above is acceptable.

ThornOfCamorr · 10/03/2014 13:23

I could just about manage a walk to the local co-op after dd3 let alone Dubai!! It's very lovely of your MIL to do such a great thing but too much for you to handle so soon after giving birth- not that I know you at all! We took our then 10 month old to a very far flung place for DH's work and our older dd it wasn't easy but at least I was physically ok. I can't imagine taking a tiny baby and having to deal with getting back to normal after the birth,there are physical things to think about which need to heal for you. It is a lot of upheaval for the baby and so hot over there. I can imagine you would just like to be able to look forward to coming home to your own house and settling in for the first few weeks not packing and planning etc.

CrohnicallyFarting · 10/03/2014 13:23

I had a c section and would not have been allowed to fly 2 weeks after- it's to do with the air pressure on the plane being different and any gas inside will expand. Also risk of DVT- I think I was still on anti clotting injections at that point. Not to mention I was a hormonal mess, bleeding heavily, like a PP I was constantly hot (in England, never mind dubai!)

PrimalLass · 10/03/2014 13:24

No he is being RIDICULOUS. I had a weeping c section would until DD was 9 weeks old. Not sure the airline would be very please with the risk either.

weaselish · 10/03/2014 13:24

Don't go! I have a 12 week old and a 3.5 year old and I wouldn't contemplate it even now!
What if you have a c section? I had one this time around and had a few complications and had to be re-admitted - no way was I even thinking about registering birth, getting passport (need a photo too!).
Then there is all the packing and thinking about what needs buying beforehand (summer clothes for toddler) - it makes me feel ill just thinking about it.
Also wouldn't really want DH and DD to go alone - you may well need alot of help and support, depending on how the birth goes, which you just cannot predict.
It's hard to say no, but I think in this case, you really must try.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 10/03/2014 13:24

I travelled short haul with DS1 and DS2 when they were both 10 weeks but no way in a million years would I go on a longish haul holiday with a two week baby.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2014 13:25

Why has MIL done this? It seems very strange.

RNJ3007 · 10/03/2014 13:25

Don't go. My goodness, do not go. He's being an idiot to even entertain the idea...

Calloh · 10/03/2014 13:27

Health insurance - would you and the baby even be covered?

There is absolutely no way anyone should go to a foreign country without health cover and I would have thought it would be difficult to find any companies who will definitely cover you both.

Why can't DM move the holiday three months either way?

PostmanPatAlwaysRingsTwice · 10/03/2014 13:28

How ridiculous. I'd be pretty angry with DH for even giving the possibility a thought.

Petal02 · 10/03/2014 13:28

Good point raise by previous poster - travel insurance ....... I bet you'd never get cover.

NellysKnickers · 10/03/2014 13:29

Your dh is being selfish. Theres no way I would do it, although I would certainly consider letting dh and dd go, leaving you and newborn at home.

specialsubject · 10/03/2014 13:29

I am also thinking that you may not be allowed to fly just after delivering. If you have a complex delivery you'll also have fun getting travel insurance - which BTW should have been bought already.

and I note that your husband is not offering to do the 'stuck inside with a newborn' bit.

you can protect against melanoma by covering up (rash vests, sunsuits etc) and never deliberately sunbathing (which is a daft thing to do anyway, especially at those latitudes)

but it is the unhelpful attitude of your husband that concerns me most. And that is an issue whether it is Dubai or Dungeness.

AgaPanthers · 10/03/2014 13:30

Dear God, no.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 10/03/2014 13:32

Good God. Just no. I've never heard anything so crazy. And I also couldn't think of a worse way to spend the first couple of weeks with a newborn packing, travelling, stuck in an unfamiliar hotel 24/7 in the heat, surrounded by strangers and the inlaws, trying to sleep and get breastfeeding going...

And that's assuming the birth goes well, baby is early (would have to be to have any chance of a passport) and you're fine with taking a non-immunised baby on a long haul flight to the ME!!

formerbabe · 10/03/2014 13:32

I actually think the idea of letting your dh and dc1 go without you is not necessarily a bad one.

When my dc2 was born, I would have loved it if my dh took my eldest on holiday. I would have had a lovely, quiet time with just my newborn to look after...but I had an easy delivery and this idea wouldn't suit everyone.

Flexiblefriend · 10/03/2014 13:33

I'm all for being flexible, and travelling with babies, but this is insane for all the reasons that other posters have already mentioned. What is your DH thinking? There is no way you should even be asked to contemplate this, it sounds like a nightmare, even if you were able to get everything sorted in time so you could go. I think you and your DH need to be having a serious discussion about his attitude to this asap!

ExcuseTypos · 10/03/2014 13:34

Is your H Simon Cowell by any chance?

JamNan · 10/03/2014 13:35

Cancel! A tiny baby is going to be subjected to all sorts of viruses/germs, air conditioning and air pressure changes (which hurts their ears) on a long haul flight not to mention the intense heat when you get there.

This from a quick Google search: In October the average temperature is 36 °C (97 °F), with very high heat and humidity.

Ask yourself are you going to have the strength? Do you want the stress? Will you be able to obtain the necessary medical insurance?

Please don't even think about going. I think you would be mad to go. Cancel!

GilmoursPillow · 10/03/2014 13:36

The temperature will still be mid-30's at that time of year. It will be uncomfortable for both you and the baby.

MrsMillions · 10/03/2014 13:37

Don't do it!

We're just back from 5 nights in Dubai with DD. Had a lovely time enjoying the pool and sunshine, and letting her explore the food in the breakfast buffet. She had nice naps poolside in her buggy with a UV blackout shade. But that was in February and DD was 7 months old. We've been before in September. It is ROASTING. Your sunglasses steam
up the second you leave the air conditioned hotel to go outside because the change in temperature is that big. DD and I found the great British heat wave last summer tough enough 2 weeks in and that was at least 10 degrees C lower than Dubai in our autumn. No way could I have managed a 7-8 hour flight at that stage either.

Health wise for you and the baby, and logistically in terms of registration and passport, it's just a recipe for disaster. Any chance they could reschedule to early next year?

Nicknacky · 10/03/2014 13:38

I was sweating like a pig in my house. In December. If I was in Dubai I would have melted away to a skeleton and dropped the baby as my hands would be so wet.

I think I'm doing well taking a 14 week old to alton towers in two weeks!!

MatryoshkaDoll · 10/03/2014 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.