opinions please on Dubai holiday with 2 week old and 3.5yr old

[ksrwr]

hi all,

I need an outside opinion or two.

I'm coming up for 12 weeks pregnant, EDD 26th September.

My mother in law has booked and paid for a family holiday departing UK on 24th October. so that will involved her, her 3 children (one of which is my DH), and all their respective partners and children, 12 people in total.

i am asking my DH to cancel us going on this family holiday for the following reasons:

my DD was 2 weeks late.
i'm expecting this baby to be 2 weeks late.
which will give me 2 weeks to register birth, get passport, get my head back together, and go on holiday.
i had extreme anxiety after DD was born, and relied heavily on Health Visitors.
the baby fog lifted approx 2 months after birth last time.
the holiday is in dubai.
my DH has melanoma, so i'm paranoid about my DD inheriting this by being out in the sun too much, so i'm pretty anti Dubai holiday anyway.
we used to go to Dubai a lot pre-malanoma, but i feel very differently about sunshine now

my DH is saying no, he's saying we should go, he will take DD to the water park, play with her in the pool all day, and if i'm going to be stuck inside with a newborn, i may as well do so in 5 star luxury.

i am worrying if i'm being ungrateful about this holiday.
i am worrying that i will feel like this is a huge pressure hanging over me when i'm getting to the end of pregnancy/first days of having newborn.
am i making a fuss over nothing?
i'm sure the anxiety won't be the same this time around, i wont have the chance, i'll have a 3.5 yr old to look after as well as a newborn.

what are your thoughts please mumsnet jury?
should we go? or cancel?

For all the above reasons I think it is a mad idea. Of course we all wish you well and all goes well but what if you need extra care for any reason? Just too soon after birth.

Madness! I didnt leave the house for 3 weeks after DD2 because she was slightly prem and didn't feed well. Midwives came to visit every 4 hours as she wasn't feeding properly. I had to express every 4 hours day and night and feed her through an injection thing. By week 4 at my mothers suggestion I finally left the house and went to the local high street to get my hair cut and considered myself very brave and dashing.

If anyone had suggested Dubai during that time I would have laughed in their face!

You'd be crazy to go. Think of the effects of the air pressure on those tiny little ears. Of course he shouldn't go without you either. He should be at home supporting you and your gorgeous new baby. I don't know if you intend to breast feed but do you really want to be trying to get established squished into a plane seat?

Giving birth is hard. You will need to rest and enjoy lots of newborn cuddles.

By the way, I gave birth recently too and it was hard on DD1. She has been very clingy and has needed a lot of reassurance and mummy time. I'm not sure your daughter would be happy leaving you.

dd1 was 23 months when dd2 was born. When dd2 was 6 weeks we travelled to a wedding three hours away and stayed in a hotel. It was AWFUL.

Cannot imagine going to Dubai! In that heat! The flight!

Your dh is being a twonk. You cannot (as a family) go to this in order to keep PILS happy!

Unless your dh is Simon Cowell.... do not go.

I took my DS to USA when he was 4 weeks old (holiday booked before I became pregnant). I was very worried but with 2 bonus DSs very excited about the holiday I didn't want to cancel.

however, we went and it was fantastic - me and my DS did a lot of sleeping during the day while my DH took his two boys out. Then we went out for dinner, ate in - whatever I felt like. It was nice because I didn't have anything to do (no cleaning etc) and I was very chilled.

So, worked out well - but I understand your concern - you would need to be sure of support from your DH (and the rest of the family!).

It's offensive and crackpot to even suggest it, IMO. Your MIL is an idiot if she did this while knowing about the pg and your DH isn't thinking straight at all.

No.

Babys ears are not fully developed at birth, my gp recommended that I did not take dc on any flight until they were at least 6 weeks old.

Not sure how you will manage to registered birth and get a passport. Not sure how you would want to be on a plane for so many hours with a newborn.

I agree of course for all the reasons above that you shouldn't go. Plus, as further ammunition for your argument, who (your MIL?) would want to be in the room next door to a nocturnal newborn?

Ps we were advised not to travel long haul before baby was 6-7 weeks, what about the potential in flight germs?

First of all I would wait until nearer to the time to decide. A lot of things could happen between now and then, you are early in your pregnancy and have little idea how things will go from now. Equally a +2 week first time does not mean the same second time.

Personally I would have no problem going on holiday 2-4 weeks after a full term birth, I much prefer travelling when they are tiny - so much easier than when they toddle for example. But I have not suffered anxiety or any problems with births and go stir crazy after a day at home, never mind a week. Although I have had dc with feeding problems including syringe feeding and expressing etc and have never been signed off MW earlier than 28 days, so I suspect hey wouldn't be happy - if I wanted to go that wouldn't bother me and I would go, but if I didn't want to go anyway like it sounds like you don't, it would feel like hassle.

No one can tell you what you want though, I would wait much longer before laying down any plan (you never know you might be glad of the break) but if the time comes and you don't want to go, don't go - you don't need backup as to why, you can just say no.

Dear God no! The flight will exhaust you and then there is the heat; you will end up in the hotel room wishing you were at home. Personally, I would be ok for dh to take other children, as long as birth went ok and you were both well. You could have some time with baby and maybe your mum? I wouldn't subject myself or baby to that holiday, and I speak as one who emigrated to Africa with 3 month old twins...

No way Jose

I was 2 weeks late with my first and then 8 days late with my second. Was told at the time that this is quite a common pattern.

Reasons not to go:

1. Passport/ Birth certificate timing
2. No baby immunisations
3. Baby ears on aeroplane
4. You may need on going medical / midwifr care
5. You may not get insurance to fly
6. Risks to your own health so soon after delivery
7. Feeding routine unlikely to be fully established

Reasons to go:

1. Your husband and his family want to go.

Decision made. Don't go but do explore if your husband can take DD if you have a decent support network. Having a couple of weeks where you can focus just on bonding with new baby might be worth thinking about.

Make the decision now as a couple. Tell MIL but present as a final decision, not up for discussion. Stick to it.

the holiday was booked quite a few months ago, before i even got pregnant, i think back in october last year. its meant to be a lovely kind (expensive!!) gesture from my MIL to her children and her families.
DH just feels like DD would be missing out on having a week with her cousins mucking around in the pool and the water park. i do see his point. but i am going to insist its a no. for all of the many wonderful valid reasons you've all kindly listed. thank you all. the sad thing is she'll lose the money. if we had paid, our travel insurance would probably cover the cost of cancelling, but as she paid, i'm not sure her insurance will cover it, but we'll definitely see! thanks all.

Disagree with your DH taking DD - from her perspective it will feel like new baby arrives and she's shipped off. Also, a good support network is fine, but if you have a C section they're not going to be around all the time, lifting the baby in and out if the cot etc.

I'm sure he's disappointed not to go, but it's completely unrealistic and unfair on everyone

Hermione. That's a good point about the dd's feelings.

Ksrwr you sound like you've made up your mind. Well done. Lose a holiday, gain a child. Congratulations

I live in Dubai and love it. Eveni would say do not come!

In October it will still be 45 degrees every day, dropping to 35 at night and filthy humid.

I am glad you have made up you mind, but I do implore you not to cancel it yet. Say no by all means but do just wait a while before filling in the actual paperwork and losing money. October is a good while away.

crikey, i just checked Virgin's policy on flying with infants, and they have to be 48 HOURS old - can you believe it!!
i was hoping their policy would be on my side... so i just won't mention this when i tell them its a no go.

Hope your MIL is sensible and sympathetic and will tell your DH he's being an utter knob.

Do you think your MiL may let you change the holiday to a year later if that is possible if you pay the admin charges. I went to a five star hotel in Dubai with a waterpark (best hotel ever) this Feb half term and there were lots of young toddlers there having a lovely time.

If he and mil are still being twattish unreasonable about it, could you not get either midwife, doctor or hv on board? Fucking nuts in my opinion. I had moderately easy time with my lot and could barely get to end of the road at two weeks.

creamy, i wonder if we're talking about the same hotel, the one we're off to has a waterpark attached too.
that is a cracking idea ohwhat, i will bring it up at my next midwife appointment

I agree you absolutely shouldn't go, but I do think your DH and DD should go. I think she might blame the baby for the fact that she didn't go on holiday with everyone else.