to ask you how you split your money in your marriage/partnership?

[Objection]

I always thought Oh and my arrangement was pretty normal - we calculate our shared costs (mortgage, bills, food etc) and split them in two. We then both put that about plus about 5% or so into a joint account. The rest of our money is for ourselves and treat each other as we see fit.
But after some previous advice here and from reading other threads it seems this method is largely viewed as selfish or weird...
We don't have children but I imagine when we do we'll just roughly calculate the extra costs and split them too.

How do other people manage theirs?

We earn about 3% on our current account with Santander 123 on that amount bear it's more than my ISA interest!

I think that was the lowest amount it's dropped to, but there's no significance to the figure. It's just that DH will check statements when they come in every month and if the balance is much more than that then he won't bother transferring anything.

We go for the same disposable income model. Joint account for bills etc
For the most part it works, although we have in the past differed on what constitutes 'joint' vs 'personal' expenses (I posted about it on here in fact) because we have very different expenses in order to work (I'm in a smart office, he in a high tech industry with very casual office so could rock up with his arse hanging out his jeans to be honest , but OTOH he runs the 'family' car and I have a wee runabout I keep threatening to replace.

I earn something from 25-40% more than DP gross, depending on bonuses.

Originally we didn't pool because we had very different personal accounting practices. He would put everything on a credit card and pay it off in full whereas I mix and match so we would have found it difficult to know how much money was actually available. We also both had work expenses to fund regularly which again muddied the waters.

It's not perfect but that's mainly because we come from very different backgrounds in the way money was handled.

I made it clear to DP early doors that I didn't expect a two tier relationship where the high earner has Gucci shoes and the lower earner darns their socks, or where the lower earner has a fantastic lifestyle as long as the higher approves the spend (e.g. rocks up with the credit card in Harvey Nichols). I said this as the lower earner knowing full well I'd pass him by in due course, so in a sense I was asking him to pay it forward.

I thoroughly disapprove of some of DP's spending right enough (gadget boy), so maybe should've stuck with the 50/50 model and make him make business cases / raise purchase orders for things he wants me to pay for

When we got our first place together we put enough money into the joint account to cover rent, bills and food in proportion to how much we earned after tax so I put in about a third and DP put in two thirds. I'm not working at the moment so DP puts all of the money into the joint account and gives me £300 a month to cover my personal expenses. Any money I get for the odd bit of work goes straight into the joint account.

I'm told my way is very strange and I'm not sure how I feel about it myself. I'd say DP earns 5/6k more than me. Both full time and one DD.

We have separate accounts and each have bills that come out for different things that totals about the same. We alternate meals and days out. The rest is ours to spend. A lot of people say as he earns more he should pay more but he made it so he has more money so he should get the benefit really. As long as I'm doing ok obviously. if I was going without food because my money had ran out it'd be different

evees Can I ask is that 5-6k more per year or per month and net / gross. If it's per year he's not exactly making out like a bandit but if per month well...

Of course it depends on what you both make and what's comfortable for you.

Ha if only it was per month. No per year and all before tax. Our pay slips are very similar (think less than 100) as he's had to pay back his student loan(not sure why I hAvent but it's a bullet I like to dodge) and has a pension but every third or fourth month he gets a bonus dependant on how hard he's worked. Think that is 2-300 extra on those months.

DP and I have our own personal accounts. When I moved into his house, we sat down and worked out what the outgoings of the household come to; it was important for me to contribute fairly. As he was paying for most of the outgoings out of his account, we left it that way but made the arrangement for me to transfer my share (1/3 of my salary as his share is 1/3 of his (higher) salary).

The rest is for us to spend how we see fit. We have a small business on the side which produces very variable income so we put that towards holidays and big purchases. Although if there isn't enough in the pot for a holiday, DP will top it up from his income as his disposable income is higher than mine.

I am SAHP. DH works. Separate accounts, credit cards, everything. DH gives me some money each month. Up until very recently he viewed all money as 'his' money (I still suspect this is how he sees it TBH). There was a memorable conversation once when, when I wanted to start selling some stuff on Ebay, he told me that I should give all profits I made to him on the grounds that it should offset the money he gave me each month, so really it was his money. Funnily enough, I expected him to say something like that and had tried to keep the whole Ebay thing quiet.

We've got what others would probably think is an unusual set-up but it works for us.

We have a joint account into which my salary is paid and all the outgoings (mortgage, bills, my credit card, nursery fees etc) are paid out from it. Any surplus at the end of the month is put into savings.

DH's salary goes into his own account - however he spends very little - he uses it pay for travel costs, presents, the odd shop etc - so the bulk goes into savings every month ( when I remember to nag him to transfer it ).

Although we have the two accounts it is very much seen as "our" money rather than mine and his separately.

Our money is pretty much pooled. We've had times where one of us has been the main earner, and the other has not brought in anything at all. All salaries are paid into a single account and bills etc are paid out of that.

We take out the same amount each every month into our own accounts to spend as we like. So regardless of who is earning what, we still get the same.

We have a high interest online savings account that I am in charge of. We've saved £30k in the last year alone into that. DH knows how much we have, but doesn't know how to access it (he likes to spend more than I do).

We do similar to you OP and it works just fine.

I was the higher earner so would put in slightly more in the joint than DH (about 20%), whatever I have left is my business. We have changed it slightly though as DH is now the higher earner so he puts more in the joint. We like to have the freedom of what we want to do with our earnings but still put fair amounts in the joint.

All bills bar personal mobile, mortgage and food shopping comes from the joint account.

I think ours probably needs to change. At the moment I transfer enough into the joint account to cover all the fixed costs (bills, mortgage) and we have a joint credit card that I pay off each month (food shopping, joint treats, whatever he likes I don't look at the bill). DH is a freelance artist and his business basically supports itself but no more.

However we're about to have a child so he'll be a SAHP and so I feel I should transfer some extra money each month so he's got some money he can do what he likes with. I think he'll be funny about it though. I'm not sure how much and what's normal? At the moment I have loads more disposable income than him but then it's been his choice to never really have a job. And I facilitate that by paying all our living expenses. It's difficult!

What's his is mine and what's mine is mine

We get paid into our own accounts and transfer money into the joint account. So we do each have our own money.

But after nearly 18 years, joint/own accounts/savings, etc are all a bit irrelevant - all money is for the family.

All goes into the joint account.

We're not big spenders and ask each other if we want to make a big purchase.

Lived with XP who was a total spend thrift and we used to argue money all the time. I think it helps if you are on the same page...

Same as you, OP. We have DC but earn roughly the same. We know we can ask for more money from the other if needed, but our 'free' money is technically ours. Though I think we put more extra into the ja than you say you do.

We have our own accounts that we get paid into and put various amounts into the joint account, but being honest, our money is really joint money, we just keep our own accounts because a) we're lazy about swapping over DDs and b) it's easier to keep track of spending for our budget.

We both have hobbies that require lots of small spends often, along with pet rats who have a lot spent on them, so the separate accounts is easier for when we do our annual weekly budget write up as we vaguely remember what each spend was.

I also have separate accounts for ad-hoc/self employed work, an account for keeping taxes aside, etc. So if you were to look at my accounts I'd have a significant amount in my various 'savings' accounts compared to DP, but it's all kept spearate so that we don't spend it!

I'm not sure how it'll work when we have children though. I think it'll mean that DP realises just how much I spend on knitting/sewing/the rats...

evesmummy - me and DH are a bit like you. After tax he comes out with about £400 more a month than me. However, we still pay 50/50 into the joint account.

Like you said, I still manage fine financially so it doesn't bother me.

Separate accounts, I work part time and DH works full time. DH pays all the bills, holidays, home improvements.

I pay for my car and buy clothes for DC, and buy some of the food

Works for us

I feel quite odd now with us keeping our money separate. We go out for coffee a lot and take turns to pay. We very much have our own money. I wouldn't want to pool all of it.
Financially we are really like flat mates.

I currently work 70% of FT (after summer will be 80% FT) and pay in 80% of what DH does to a joint account. He earns, after bonuses, around double what I do. However, he has the car to pay for and mainly pays for the food from his own account. I buy DS's clothes and most of the presents etc. When we get our joint account into a better position then the food, DS expenses and so on will come out of that too.

I worked out recently that every month DH has at least £200 more than me in completely disposable income. I think it's fair enough though, he works more than me, it was my decision to work PT when DS came along.

Finally set up a joint acct after 10 yrs. we each put 1500 into it and all bills, mortgage, groceries and kids stuff come out if it. What's left in our personal accounts we use to pay off personal credit cards, clothes, etc. works well. I also track every spend on YNAB so we know how much we collectively spend each month.

I worked out recently that every month DH has at least £200 more than me in completely disposable income. I think it's fair enough though, he works more than me, it was my decision to work PT when DS came along.

It's interesting you say this wanksock as currently I don't mind that DH has more personal money than me as 2 years ago I changed jobs and chose to go to a lower paid one and work less hours. It was my choice to do that so I take responsibility for my lower income.

However, our first baby is due in 10 days and when I return to work we have decided that I will reduce my hours by a further 7.5 hours, In this scenario though I fully expect him to subsidise what will be another drop in my income because I'm taking the hit to look after our child, not for my own personal reasons.

salaries go into our own accounts, I buy food, DH deals with bills, whatever is left goes in joint account and all spends come from that for us and kids. we have £150 'allowance' each which we keep in our own account. works for us although I may spend more

We have separate accounts. He pays for the monthly bills (electric, mortgage and water) and I deal with the week to week stuff (food, gas meter, petrol, tv licence and our phone bills) it evens it's self out and we call it "our money." DP even jokes about me giving him pocket money to float him through the last few weeks of the month hahahah. We spoke about getting a joint account but I feel like it would cause more arguments than anything.