to ask you how you split your money in your marriage/partnership?

[Objection]

I always thought Oh and my arrangement was pretty normal - we calculate our shared costs (mortgage, bills, food etc) and split them in two. We then both put that about plus about 5% or so into a joint account. The rest of our money is for ourselves and treat each other as we see fit.
But after some previous advice here and from reading other threads it seems this method is largely viewed as selfish or weird...
We don't have children but I imagine when we do we'll just roughly calculate the extra costs and split them too.

How do other people manage theirs?

we can't have a joint account as I will spank the money.

Fuck me, I beginning to think I'm living in a parallel universe on this thread- how on earth is that an acceptable way for a marriage to exist?

We have never had a joint account. We have been together for 25 years, married for 23.

When we first met I was the higher earner and the home owner and DH had a rented flat. We did not live together. Once we were married I still earned more but our outgoings were low and dh used to write me a cheque for half of all the expenses and we tended to go halves on most things.

Then DH's earning caught up a bit and we stretched ourselve to buy a big family house. We still had separate accounts and used to keep a tally every month and work out what was fair - DH's income was not the same every month because he is self-employed.

Then I had a baby and gave up work. At that point DH started to pay all the bills. I paid for all the day to day things like groceries and things for the children and general bits and pieces and used to put the receipts in a box and he gave me a cheque at the end of the month.

That went on until I went back to work at which point DH started to give me money for groceries every month to pay into my account.

DH pays all the bills. I buy all the children's clothes, phone contracts, allowances, sports subs and clubs and music tuition, pay for Christmas, school trips, dental bills, pay the cleaner, my petrol, etc. I also tend to pay if the cooker needs repairing, etc.

I earn about one tenth of DH's earnings. We have never had a row about money.

I don't see pooling money as old fashioned. And discussing big purchases isn't asking permission, it's about respect. I am responsible for the spending/saving in our house. I will say what we can afford to spend on a holiday for example and look for things within budget.I Will always ask my dh what he thinks though. If he wants to buy something small he just does it but has to tell me so I can update the records. If it's a big purchase he asks if we can afford it.

Is acceptable for us BearBehind, we are very happy.

My DH would never discuss what he buys with me and I don't have answer to him either perfectlypurple. We both need it that way but we have moderate tastes and a very similar attitude to money. But if I want a bottle of perfume or my highlights done then I spend my money on it and answer to nobody. If DH wants to buy himself three new shirts and a pair of shoes he does. He doesn't need to discuss it with me. I don't think either of us could stand that. But we don't have secrets. If he does buy something he always wants to show me.

Bearbehind what fundamental flaw would that be? We are completely financially independent and both earn very significantly more than the average full time male wage. There's no need for a joint pot and no need for either of us to have to get permission from the other on what we spend .

caitlin your example is probably not typical as you both are high earners but I still can't begin to get my head around not actually knowing what my husband earns.

I also can't comprehend the fact that your first port of call to find out what your husband earns is looking it up on Compnies a House rather than just asking him

If might not affect anything but it just seems like a massive omission in any relationship to not actually know.

Seperate accounts.

I earn 2 x what my wife does.

I pay all bills and probably half the food. She buys half the food and clothes for her and daughter.

She has around £700 to herself each month and spends it easily!

I save a bit as if I didn't no one would.

I have never and would never have a joint account and nothing else.

My DH is self-employed so we never know what he earns until the end of the tax year. I don't need to know precisely what he earns - I roughly know.

If we were on a very tight budget it would be essential to know what was coming in every month to make sure what went out didn't exceed it but I think there comes a tipping point - if spending is sensible - where that doesn't need to happy any more.

When Ex-DH and I got together, I earned quite a bit more and also owned my own home. We just kept our own bank accounts, all direct debits came out of my account and he transferred a percentage of his salary to my account each month.

I am so glad we did it this way, as I found out (in time) that Ex-DH has a terrible gambling habit and if we'd have had a joint account, he would have spent the mortgage and bill money each month at the Bookies.

Over time, he contributed less and less and when I finally threw him out, I kept the house and everything in it, as I had paid for 90% of it.

I was very lucky to come away from it, with my house and financial independence.

I think it was my parents experience that made me wise enough to keep my own account and stay financially independant. My Mum was a SAHM and when her and my Dad divorced, after 20 years of marriage, she didn't have a clue. Had never written a cheque, didn't have a bank account and really struggled for the first few years. I decided I was never going to end up in that position.

If I ever married again, I would still keep my own account and financial independence - it would work for me, but that doesn't mean that joint accounts and money don't work for some couples. It's each to their own and whatever works for individuals.

What does she spend £700 on maleview70.

Splitting everything 50/50 only really works if two people in a partnership earn about the same and doesn't account for up and downs like maternity leave, part time working to look after children, redundancy, unemployment.

We have a joint account and personal accounts but basically it's all shared. DH earns quite a bit more than I do, so pays a big chunk into the joint account which covers the mortgage and bills. Shopping, petrol, other variables will come out of whatever account depending on whoever is doing the shopping, and where the money is. If I end up filling the car up several times, doing some shopping and spending all my money, and then want to buy something, or need to pay for a haircut or something, I'll get DH to transfer me some, and vice versa.

Because it doesn't matter whose account it's in or who technically earned it in the first place, it's all our money, and we're a team.

We have a joint account that all money gets paid into. I manage all the finances, bills etc. Mr Bird takes $60 per week pocket money which he puts into a separate account and saves up for bike bits and gadgets. I buy all clothes etc including his, otherwise he would never buy any and live in rags. The reason he takes pocket money is so there are no surprises when he decides he needs a new gadget, and I always know how much we've got and how much we can spend. So I guess if anyone is financially abused in our set up, it's probably him, as I just spend what I like. He likes it that way though, cos he never has to think.

One account

Both salaries in

All expenses out

What ever is left over we save / spend.

Savings accounts in joint and individual names (our isas) we both know how much savings we have between us as they're still joint regardless of names.

This works for us and pay hasn't been equal for many years but I caught DP up in salary terms very recently and will likely over take him in the next 5 years too.

We split it slightly differently than most. My DH puts the money in our account and I take the money out. . It works very well as far as I am concerned.

We've shared money from day 1.

Atm we have 3 bank accounts, 2 joint and my old single. All the bills come out of my account because it was the only account either of us had when we started living together... It was just easier to keep all the money coming out of one account once we had other accounts. My wages go into that account as my wages generally cover the bills so it saves transferring around. Child benefit and all other income goes into our joint account.

We always pool money though, it's never my money or his money it's just household income to be distributed where needed.

God knows Windy. Usual spent 2 weeks into the month too!

I don't work and DH has a high salary. We don't have a joint account but we don't make any divisions in how household money is spent. DH has an account for bills and major purchases and any activities while we're together. I have my own account with a small income of my own and he ensures it never drops below 4k (usually it's more). I just pay for food, my own socialising and personal spends, DS's costs and smaller items for the house. I never have to ask him to top it up, DH just keeps an eye on the balance and transfers it over. We never discuss purchases with each other unless it's something major for the house, in which case it's more deciding on colour options etc rather than questioning the cost.

Oh heavens, I had no idea my system was so complicated.
I earn twice what DH does. I pay the mortgage, the car and the food. He pays everything else.

This means that after all bills are paid we are left with the same amount of money each. That way neither of us feels poorer than the other. We both have the same disposable income.

Purplewrapper It's like a different world!!

My husband earns 3 times what I earn but all money is joint. In fact, he has absolutely no idea about what money we have, as I deal with it all each month - as soon as we get paid I put enough into the joint account to cover bills, as much as possible into the savings accurate and then put "spends" into each of our own accounts. If either of us need more then we take it out if savings - we don't need to discuss individual spends with each other. He's screwed if I die though - we do all banking online and he wouldn't know his log on details if his life depended on it!

purplewrapper what's the significance of your account not dropping below £4k? Surely there are better places to put four grand than in a current account, never to be touched.

Does it sound like Purple and her DH are bothered about losing out on a bit of interest?

No, I'm just intrigued as to why £4k is the threshold?

We just pool everything and spend what we need together. We're married, so it's all in the same pot anyway. He works FT, I work PT, and bring in around half what he does.

It's not his money, or my money, it's ours.