to ask you how you split your money in your marriage/partnership?

[Objection]

I always thought Oh and my arrangement was pretty normal - we calculate our shared costs (mortgage, bills, food etc) and split them in two. We then both put that about plus about 5% or so into a joint account. The rest of our money is for ourselves and treat each other as we see fit.
But after some previous advice here and from reading other threads it seems this method is largely viewed as selfish or weird...
We don't have children but I imagine when we do we'll just roughly calculate the extra costs and split them too.

How do other people manage theirs?

Is it only me that finds it weird when couples don't know how much the other earns?

I have no issue with either the OP's set up or pooled finances but think it's very strange that a married couple wouldn't tell each other how much they earned.

Since we got engaged we've just bunged all our money in the same account and worked from there. I used to earn a lot more than DH, so it would have stopped us doing stuff like going on holiday if we hadn't shared money. Now I'm pt and DH is ft and he brings in slightly more than me, but we're so skint that it's all in one pot. We've never once argued about money so it seems to work. Neither of us care very much what the other is spending on, as long as we can afford it.

Brabra - there is nothing 1950s ish about pooling money within a partnership, I can assure you.

I think it's strange when married people owe money to each other

Having equality and parity is not a 1950s concept! One being beholden to another is though.

We just have "the money", in a joint account. We both are s/employed in the same business, but did the same when we worked seperatly. Small stuff, we just buy, bigger stuff we talk about. I do all the money stuff, pay bills etc, so will say how much we have spare at any time. We are married, we work as a team and love d trust each other. Couldn't be doing with all this his and hers.

We opened a joint account just after we got engaged and we've shared all our money ever since :)

But having to seek 'permission' or 'discuss' certain purchases is. I was always brought up to be independent.

Wages paid into separate accounts. Both pay a proportion into joint account to cover bills etc. we are both left with the same amount of spending money to use as we please.
(I work PT so earn considerably less than DH)

Joint account for all bills which DH Pays in to, savings which DH pays into. The rest is his to do whatever he wants. My salary goes into my account and I spend it as I wish with a monthly contribution to the joint credit card as I tend to put quite a lot in it to get the airmiles. He earns over 10x what I do so wouldn't really work any other way. We like having our own accounts for our own spending and it helps us keep track of spending which we couldn't do if everything came out of 1 account.

Me and DH have a joint account which we use for mortgage/food/bills and currently we each contribute a set amount into this from our salary. The rest of our monthly pay is then our own to do as we please with.

However, this will soon be changing as baby is on the way. When baby arrives everything will go into one point, there'll be no 'his and mine'

We have seperate accounts for our own wages. Each has own saving account. We split bills 50/50 and pay that into a joint account and have a joint savings which we put any "spare" from joint account into. I earn more so i pay for car, holidays and all daughters classes / groups etc. We have worked it this way since we moved in over 10 yrs ago and continued it when dd born.
Whatever works for your family is fine surely?

Lagardia I first joined Mumsnet for the childcare board as I'm a Nanny. Lots of people on MN don't have kids

Personally I think it's more 1950's for people in a relationshop to keep finances private.

We've always pooled our earnings regardless of what they were, paid everything out of that and spent what we like from what's left.
Then again neither of us begrudge the other anything and neither take advantage.

It works for us and there's never been any stress about money in our relationship.

We have had a joint account where we pooled the lot right from the beginning when we bought our first home.
We were 19 then and now 28, still works very well for us.

DH has always earnt a lot more than me but never moans if I want to treat myself or him.

I don't find anything odd in owing or being owed money by him. I take on responsibility for everything at Christmas for example and he pays me back his share.

So far as not knowing the exact amount we each earn I really don't see the relevance. We're in the same profession, in firms in very similar market position. I've always worked full time so career wise we're on the same track/at the same stage so it'll be much the same.

Actually if we cared we could look each other's firm's results up on Companies House - the partners' takes are public .

Brabra - that's different though, isn't it?

I love having my own money which is just for me. DH would never quibble what I spend but it's really important to me to have money which I can spend entirely as I wish without ever having to justify. I never question what DH buys even though I think that lots of his purchases are frivolous and he never questions my shopping habits. As I said above, he earns a LOT more than I do but I could never be a SAHM because that financial independence is really important to me. I went to get my car serviced last week and the guy asked if I could ask hubby (his words not mine) to settle the bill when he had a moment. I was genuinely horrified and asked him if it was really that rare that a woman paid for her own car service and settled the full amount out of my own account. I also find it hard to relate to friends who tell me that their husbands have questioned their spending or told them to cut back. That simply doesn't ever happen with our arrangement.

At the moment I work two jobs; office mon-fri, nanny sat&sun - partly to keep me sane and partly so I can raise money to fund a business venture.
I literally work twice as much as OH - some people seem to be suggesting that he is entitled to half of my wages (and me half of his) simply because we are living together?

I agree that whatever works etc but I am curious nosy to hear about others

I pay for everything. Might get the odd bit of cash thrown my way if I beg. I am overdrawn and have had to take out loans. Oh I work part-time. He works full time (self employed so not always certain of income). His family overseas have been supported financially by him for years whilst I struggle. It is a constant bone of contention. But at least the house is in my name only.

We juggle, his wage in one hand, mine in the other with tax credits as a third contender, we juggle and when bills come hurtling toward us, we bat them away with whatever is available at the time.

It's a crazy life but has been working so far!

Put money into joint account. Then, each month, we take out the same amount of money as each other and put them into our personal accounts. Any bills or child related stuff comes from the joint account.

Actually if we cared we could look each other's firm's results up on Companies House - the partners' takes are public .

Or you could just ask each other??

Haven't you ever had to apply for a mortgage or something where you needs to disclose your incomes caitlin?

Joint account that both our wages go into however we have separate credit cards and pay the balance of both each month by direct debit. We've each got a similar amount of savings in ISA's and also have joint savings. The Family Allowance gets paid into a separate account that's only in my name. Can't remember why we decided to keep that separate but it seemed like a good idea 15 years ago.

Me and my DP dont live together yet but when we do its planned that my wage goes on the bills as its would cover it perfectly and my DP who earns about half his wages are for fun.