to feel a bit sad I'll never be a mum

[childlesspeaceandquiet]

I'd have loved my own family but am 40 this year and am making my peace with a child-free life. More money and spoilt cats

But when I see cute world book day costumes (sob!) and at other times, I do feel so sad for the babies I won't hold.

I'm not being U, am I?

I totally agree with scottishmummy too

sorry

Op has been open and pleasant.many others on here pursue some v dubious views
Let's be clear one can have an ache but not necessarily need to adopt,get knocked up,or Ivf
It's a dreadful cliche that childless women are husks who desperately pine

YANBU - I love being a Mum.

What about adoption or fostering?

It's a lovely thing to do and you have all the love in the world to give to a child who may have struggled in life so far.

You tried, Scottish: you tried!

^^ This, a million times.

Let's be clear one can have an ache but not necessarily need to adopt,get knocked up,or Ivf
It's a dreadful cliche that childless women are husks who desperately pine

Hell yes.

Sorry, didn't read the rest of tft.

I would consider fostering maybe at a later date though. I know someone who started fostering at 50; perhaps you could do that when you start to work part time?

It's difficult though. I really hope you find someone soon. My aunt had her last at 41, so it's not unheard of.

Oldest mother I know was 47 - oldest without help was 44, so it's definitely not out of the question.

You could meet someone in the next 6 months and a year later decide to try for a family.

My sister was worried about that as everyone seems to say at 35 you are just too old but that's not the case at all. She's 33 now, nearly 34 and has a 4 month old baby now so she's glad she didn't wait much longer but in a year or two is planning for number 2!

Just RTFT. It's not difficult.

OP you sound lovely and I really hope that you find some kind of acceptance (IYSWIM). Having children is lovely but it's not all there is too life.

Op has repeatedly said doesn't want to adopt,foster.not all childless women want to
Fostering/adoption Let's be clear,local authorities vet rigorously,it's emotionally draining
People just bandy adopt/foster about like it's immediately achievable

I will probably make myself immediately identifiable now, but my role at work is with children with severe emotional and behavioural difficulties.

Many children in care need a great deal of TLC - my role demands long hours, anti social shifts (sometimes) and takes a lot out of me, too.

I like my job but I have no desire at all to foster. Ever! It would be like taking work home with me. I am tremendously grateful for people who do and I admire them but frankly, I am too knackered to do it myself, my house is not remotely child-friendly and it would, once again, mean everything fell on my shoulders.

I would NEVER be able to: go out with friends, exercise, go to the theatre or cinema or pub. I don't have family to help and friends have their own young DCs.

Children do not fit into my life and I do not want to foster.

OP where are you based? Roughly? You are welcome tobe an aunty to my DC's as they only have one and would love another, especially one as lovely as you sound.

I agree with Scottishmummy too. You are not at all reasonable to feel sad about not being a mum, but very reasonable in your thoughts and deliberations. I'm sorry you lost your parents so young too.

I think if you can make peace with it, you can have a fabulous life. Lots of holidays, money, freedom.

I also think that making peace with it might increase your chances of meeting the one. Nothing worse than a desperate female. Maybe then it will happen, maybe not, but you might gain a life partner.

40 is not that old for babies anyhow, plus things move fast when your not twenty. I met,married and produced DC1 in about 18m it can happen.

Yanbu. I think a lot of us grow up thinking/ assuming that one day we'll have a family of our own but of course it doesn't become reality for everyone. I think it's perfectly reasonable to feel sad about that. And I also think you sound very realistic and grounded - better to start accepting it and trying to come to terms with it. Hopefully the sadness will ease with time.

I haven't read all of this thread...but have a look at gateway-women.com
It's helped someone close to me come to terms that she won't be a mother and helped to cope with her society defines women by the sole status of motherhood

I hope you're kidding dimsum,a nice platitude
No responsible adult us going to want to hook up to be pretend aunty
Do be careful online dimsum,you can't tell who's lovely or not

childlesspeaceandquiet , I'm so sorry you are feeling sad, I don't think you are at all BU.

Be kind to yourself and I hope the future brings you much happiness.

Can I just politely say I'm really not desperate - if I was, I'm sure I could have found some man, probably totally unsuitable, but some man.

I haven't - I'm not desperate and its insulting to be told I am, to be honest.

Dimsum thank you: I do appreciate the offer and the sentiments but to be totally honest here and probably a bit blunt, I want my own children - not someone else's.

After my second miscarriage, my dim BIL said "do you want to borrow some of mine ?"

Fuckwit

Im infertile and offered ivf, i couldnt think of anything worse.

I hate the assumption ii will die without kids.
SM is right, you can pine but not have to foster etc.

None of it is for me.

Have you thought about fostering? It's a big step but if you've a spare room and a kind heart they'll consider you.

Ah sorry, just caught up with your other post. Do you find working with children rewarding?