to feel a bit sad I'll never be a mum

[childlesspeaceandquiet]

I'd have loved my own family but am 40 this year and am making my peace with a child-free life. More money and spoilt cats

But when I see cute world book day costumes (sob!) and at other times, I do feel so sad for the babies I won't hold.

I'm not being U, am I?

If that's the case, why don't you try fostering?
My cousin does it and you can tell it's so rewarding! You would be using your single life to an advantage, I think it would be easier to foster without having your own children, yet you'd be giving them something really worthwhile like any biological parent
P.S. Having your own kids isn't all fun and games! I often hide in the bathroom to give myself two minutes of peace but even then it doesn't always work!!!

Of course you're not being Unreasonable but as Ken has pointed out there are some clear benefits to living a child-free existence. And besides, everyone knows that cats love dressing up for World Book Day...not mad at all. I have three biological (human) children and an adopted Spaniel. In this house all family members participate in occasions that require fancy dress.

YANBU OP.

I agree with scottishmummy that IVF and adoption are bandied about as if they're easy options. They are not, which is why DH and I are doing neither.

childless I do understand - you have to decide if the urge to raise your own child is greater than your discomfort at becoming a single mother (through whatever means).

Even if you decide that you don't want it enough to go it alone that still doesn't mean you are being unreasonable to wish it were different.

I never think the grass is always greener! Even fleeting or longer difficult times don;t make me wish I was now childless again and I'm surprised so many on this thread apparently do.

I adopted at 40 after failed fertility treatment and it has been hard as a totally lone parent but I don't ever wish to be childless again, not even fleetingly, not even in the middle of the night when we're both ill and I'm bone tired.

It doesn't mean that I would not have gone on to have a happy and fulfilled life without children, it just wouldn't have been my first choice.

Amen to that scottishmummy. IVF alone is expensive, physically and emotionally draining and soul destroying doing it alone. Adoption is emotionally and mentally draining and can at times be challenging in teh extreme and lonely on your own.

To make one of those choices as a singleton in my experience you have to be as hard as nails to get there in the end.

I wouldn't trade one thing on Ken's list for DS. I wouldn't trade DS for all the things on Ken's list.

If you want a child, have a child...

You don't need to have a man to do this.

Please don't miss out just because you're single! It sounds like you really want one...

Hi
I've had a round of ivf which unfortunately failed but it wasn't all that bad.
You might be able to have iui anyway which is much much much cheaper and hardly any drugs. You would obviously need donor sperm but that is what I would do if I was single and was ovulating ok.

As it is I have crap eggs and dh has shit sperm so we're screwed really.

No I'm don't agree,having a child isn't a yo just go for it thing at all
This notion of hey,Ivf,adopt or just get up nelly.no man required it's whimsy
For whatever reason op no kids.now isn't time to act on go for it advice

A baby is great,portable,depend on you,no chat back.you and them
Years progress you need money,they attend school,needs expand
It's simply not enough to want a baby,and I dint agree with if you want a baby,have a baby

Yanbu of course, but can I just say that you could foster.

There are so many children out there that really, really need loving homes, some just for a few days or weeks, some until they reach adulthood.

It can bring you all the rewards and challenges that raising a biological child can.

Is it realistic for somepne without experience of raising children to foster? (I'm asking more for myself than OP, sorry!) I'd have thought children who've had a hard start need someone who knows what they're doing?

Our DS (who we adopted) was born when I was 44. I wouldn't trade him for anything either, and we are going for a second.

It is hard to do alone, I'm sure, I can't imagine what it would have been like without DH. But that doesn't mean it's impossible.

Well only in the same way that adopting a child who's had a difficult start.

You are provided with plenty of resources, support and training.

I appreciate the comments but my sadness stems from not being a mother and this is something fostering wouldn't give me. Besides, I'm not remotely suitable - as a woman without children or a partner, I obviously work full time!

I did once consider, two years ago, the possibility of going it alone through IUI or IVF but after counselling realised it wasn't for me, because I lost both parents young (4 when mum died, 16 when I lost my dad) and I realised I wanted a child to replace what I'd lost which isn't fair, of course.

That's another reason why I'm reluctant to go for it alone: if I died, my DC would be alone in the world. I appreciate the thoughts but adoption, fostering and their equivalents are not for me at this time.

Again,fostering is emotionally draining.its not substitute for being mum
Good,nurturing,stable adults are needed to foster,and are assessed and must meet criteria
I see it in mn all time.no children?adopt!ivfoster, bandied about.glibly

a single friend of mine adopted at 45. shes very happy as is her child.

its never too late op.

thesecows It's more common to adopt if you are childless and foster after having children already. But lots of people do it the other way round.

OP, I know several single people who are older than you that have fostered and adopted,

and a very dear friend gave birth last year having decided to be a single mum, she was older than you.

If you want to be a mum, go for it there are so many ways,

and there are so many children out there that are wondering if they will ever have a mum.

Think you scottishmummy.

I see fostering as a worthwhile thing to do, but I'm afraid I don't see it as the equivalent of adopting or having your own children. Furthermore, I am unsuited to it and to be totally honest have no real desire to do it or interest in it. That doesn't mean I don't value other people's work in this area, but have no desire to do it myself!

and there are so many children out there that are wondering if they will ever have a mum.

that's so true. so true.

Well with respect, I don't think there are many ways.

There is the conventional route of having a child with a man, and I am single.

Then there is having a child without a man, and while I fully support anyone doing this, it is not for me.

I'm not resilient enough for adoption and besides, doubt I would get through their specific criteria.

I don't want to foster.

So I won't be a mum. I recognise that it is natural to provide solutions but I have thought about every which way parenthood could happen for me and have reached the sad but inevitable conclusion that it probably won't.

but its not to late I,m presuming your straight but maybe not either way you might meet the right person tomorrow and decide to start a family by whatever means .

oh sorry just read your last post but you just don't know whats around the corner you could meet than man of your dreams tomorrow I met and married my husband within six months albeit I was 31 just don't right it off yet?

I understand what the op is saying. I really wanted to have children and adoption/fostering would not have replaced that urge.

Op...I still don't think it is too late for you to meet someone and have a baby.

I wonder why people need to offer platitudes.oh maybe you'll meet the one,oh adopt,hey Ivf
It is what it is,a single woman who has not had child.
The op is coming across v realistic,grounded and reflective