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AIBU?

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Original poster

Just found out I'm pregnant

291 replies

Suchabadtime · 05/03/2014 00:55

I've come here for the traffic

Basically my last period was the 2/2 - 6/2 I had sex with a guy on the 8/2 however we used a condom. We slept together on the 12th 2/3 times without a comdom which was a MASSIVE mistake. I got back together with my ex on the 16th and we had sex numberous times thought the week and every time after usually 1-3 a day a couple of days a week I was on micronor and took it the same time everyday. The only days I missed out on were 20th & 22nd I was also put on antibiotics around the same time

I've just found out I'm pregnant My phone says I'm 5 days late but that is wrong sometimes by up to 2/3 days to early.

My average length is 26 days and my letaul phase As I worked out was 12 days (according to my phone so could be wrong)

Am I right in thinking it will be my ex/current partners.

I know I was stupid I never saw myself in this situation!

OP posts:
justwantitmadeforme · 06/03/2014 09:47

OP DNA testing doesn't have to cost the earth, I had to have one due to exp not believing me.

we paid £150 for ours.the company is accredited, the reason it wasn't really expensive is because it was a "peace of mind" one, it wouldn't stand up in a court as you take the swabs yourself but I'd recommend it as you don't seem to need one to stand up in court.

I'll be honest do you really not want to know? If it were me I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it.

you have to factor in the child here as well, are you going to tell them the truth or lie? lies always find a way out IMO. as I said before if you know your DP might not be the dad and put him on the bc isn't it illegal? as it is an official document.

thegreylady · 06/03/2014 09:53

It is your partners baby on the information you have given. Relax and enjoy the pregnancy and the baby.

Original poster
SuchABadTime · 06/03/2014 12:22

I did a clear blue yesterday it said 2-3 weeks

OP posts:
Finola1step · 06/03/2014 12:42

If the ClearBlue test is correct, then you conceived between the 12-19 February. So it is either man, sorry.

If the rest had said 1-2 weeks, then it would most likely be your DP.

Some people will say that you can't rely on the ClearBlue tests. I used them with both my pregnancies and the dating was pretty spot on.

I think it's time you accepted that it is 50-50. What you do with that is up to you.

Original poster
SuchABadTime · 06/03/2014 12:59

Isn't it the 12-20 4 days before and after?

OP posts:
Finola1step · 06/03/2014 13:08

According to the ClearBlue website, you can test 4 days before your period is due. The conception indicator tells you when you conceived. There is no info about it being 4 days either way. It does say that this is 92% accurate.

You have the facts as much as there are. No amount of hoping is going to make it 100% likely or even most likely your DP. The dating scan may help you, or it may not. You need to stop torturing yourself with this. There is nothing you can do now except wait for the dating scan and hope that gives you reassurance.

Original poster
SuchABadTime · 06/03/2014 13:12

I meant ovulation.

It's 4 days either way so the 12-20

OP posts:
Finola1step · 06/03/2014 13:12

And even if you ovulated as a result of missing the pill on the 20th, conception would not have occurred immediately. The digital test is telling you that you conceived before the missed pills. So it is either man.

I do not wish to sound harsh. I am responding as if you were a friend of mine who is tying themselves up in knots over this. I wish you some good luck and peace of mind.

Original poster
SuchABadTime · 06/03/2014 15:31

My partner just told me if I love him I'll get rid of it and if I keep it it shows I never loved him.

He apparently said all that stuff to support me but I'll be ruining his life having a baby. He booked me in for an abortion but I don't think I want one.

What do I do? SadSad

OP posts:
ikeaismylocal · 06/03/2014 15:42

What do you do?

If you want to keep the baby leave your partner ( he's an idiot) try to get in contact with guy 1 and let him know there is a chance he is the father, ask both men to take a DNA test when the baby is born.

If you want an abortion leave your partner ( he's an idiot) have an abortion and in the future be a bit more careful about contraception.

Bogeyface · 06/03/2014 15:44

Well for a start I think you need to be planning your future alone, with or without the baby.

No one gets to book you in for an abortion without your say so (Actually, I would argue whether he actually has).

Whatever happens you are going to split up with him, if you abort you will never forgive him and if you dont then he will dump you. The man is a maggot if he would blackmail you like this, regardless of the situation with the pregnancy.

When it comes down to it, you did nothing wrong in seeing someone else while you were single, the fact that you are now pg is unfortunate due to the circumstances but not a hanging offence. If he doesnt want to be a father to this baby (biology aside) then he can leave, but forcing you into an abortion you dont want just because it keeps him happy and in your life is disgusting.

I personally would contact BPAS and ask for some counselling so you can make a decision that is right for you.

But dont bother with this "man" anymore, he is a shit.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/03/2014 15:56

He's emotionally blackmailing you into having an abortion which is disgusting. He can't just book you in for one, it doesn't work like that. Do not go through with this for him, think about what you want to do.

Do not listen to this 'if you loved me' bollocks. If he loved you he wouldn't be doing it. He's an arse. Get rid.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/03/2014 15:57

Oh and I agree BPAS are worth contacting. Think about what's right for you OP.

Original poster
SuchABadTime · 06/03/2014 15:59

He has booked me in.

Next Thursday 8:30..

I'm thinking about it and I'm devastated, I'm crying because I don't want to do it. It's not something I believe in but I have a 2 year old.

He said he loved me till I told him I was pregnant now he doesn't know if he loves me anymore. If I continue it I'm going it alone and I'm never to speak to him again.

He said he was stupid as he never thought it would happen if it was anyone else he's never speak to them again. He just keeps telling me to " just kill the baby it's only a fucking seed" " your only going to fuck up your life 21 with no family one friend and two kids"

I'd be doing the right thing doing what he says and getting rid of it and if I wasn't being so stupid I'd do as he says. He keeps telling me to do as he tells me

I just don't think I can do it. In my heart of hearts I don't want to do it. But he's forcing me into it.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 06/03/2014 16:02

Pobble is right.

The whole "If you dont you never loved me" is just crap to manipulate you into doing what he wants. The fact of the matter is that if he really loved you he wouldnt be trying to blackmail you. He would talk to you and try to find some middle ground that you can build on, he wouldnt make demands that you end a pregnancy with no thought for your own health or emotional well being.

BTW with a bit of digging I think you will find that there is someone else who has been talking to him that assisted in this change of heart, a mate or his mother perhaps.....

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/03/2014 16:03

OP he cannot force you into it. What's he going to do, carry you there?

If you do it for him, it will wreck your relationship as you will hate him. If you don't do it, your relationship is over anyway. To be honest the best thing you can do is leave him. He sounds like a vile piece of shit, putting that pressure on you.

If you want to keep the baby then keep it. But whatever you do, do it for yourself, not for someone else.ans especially not for him!

OP he sounds horrible and you'd be better of away from him.

Bogeyface · 06/03/2014 16:04

He keeps telling me to do as he tells me

NO NO NO

Get rid if him NOW. Do you think that it will all be forgotten after the abortion? Cos it wont. It will be brought up and thrown back in your face every single time he is pissed off with you.

THIS IS NOT A NICE MAN, IF YOU SHOULD TERMINATE ANYTHING IT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.

As for the pregnancy, he CANNOT force you to abort anymore than I could force you to. You dont have to go to the appointment, you dont have to do anything.

Are you worried he may become aggressive if you refuse?

AuroraRoared · 06/03/2014 16:05

Op, I think you need to try to seperate out the issues here if you can.

Your first problem is that you are with a man who does not care about your feelings or needs. He doesn't deserve to be with you.

Your second problem is that you are unexpectedly pregnant. Only you can decide what to do about that, but you need to do it for yourself and your 2 year old.

Just because the sppointment is booked, doesn't mean that you have to go to it. He isn't actually able to force you into it - you can decide to keep the baby if you want to.

In my opinion, he is a complete dick, and the only certainty here is that you should get rid of him.

As for the pregnancy, that really is up to you and no one else.

Original poster
SuchABadTime · 06/03/2014 16:06

We were engaged. He spoke to his friend and they both agreed he wasn't ready and to call it off so he did without talking to me

He's spoken to the same friend and they've come to the conclusion that this is what I should do apparently so has his mother and other friend. So this is what he wants me to do.

He does whatever his friend tells him to do

OP posts:
Finola1step · 06/03/2014 16:06

Oh Such. What a horrible thing for him to say. First of all, , he can not book you in for an abortion. He at most may have made initial contact with a clinic. But this is highly unlikely and and clinic will be very aware of this kind of abusive behaviour.

The bare facts are very clear. You and your "d"p were rocky anyway hence the split. You were single and had sex with another man. You got back together with your partner. You have been honest with him. You have done nothing wrong.

You have already said that you do not want an abortion. But if you do, it has to be your choice and with no pressure or blackmailing from the man you are with.

All this "if you loved me" stuff is nonsense. If he loved you, he would never say that to you and put you in this position. There is a very strong chance that whatever you do, your relationship is doomed. Even if you carry on for months or even years, unless he changes his stance and apologises very quickly, you will end up on your own sooner or later.

This has to be solely your decision. But be very clear, if you go ahead with the pregnancy, you will have to go it alone. If you terminate, the relationship is doomed anyway.

Please confide in someone in rl.

AuroraRoared · 06/03/2014 16:07

He sounds vile and immature.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/03/2014 16:07

OP, who gives a fuck what his friend thinks? Or his mum.

What matters is what you want.

Mrswellyboot · 06/03/2014 16:08

He booked you in for one!! Are you serious. Goodness me, you need time one your own to think about what you want. You body, your life.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 06/03/2014 16:08

Holy crap. He needs to go such. He is not a nice person. He does not love you. You do not treat someone, especially not someone you love, like this. The pregnancy is a separate issue. All the pregnancy has done is highlighted the fact that he is an arsehole of the highest order. Do not waste another second of your life with him.

Original poster
SuchABadTime · 06/03/2014 16:09

Yeah he did it's the same day as my mot and your not allowed to take dc's so what would I do with mine?

I think I do want this baby but I'm scared

OP posts:
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