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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you have a child at boarding school...

418 replies

curiousgeorgie · 04/03/2014 13:07

Can I ask you why?

I know it's old but finally catching up on sky plus and watching the Harrow programme...

It seems so sad to send a child to boarding school, especially when some seem so resistant.

My DH said people do it because they have to, military etc.

So can I ask why you do it, if you do?

OP posts:
CailinDana · 05/03/2014 11:28

Do you mean about "needs being met" and feeling bs is "better" Crowler?

Crowler · 05/03/2014 11:29

And incidentally my children don't board and I may well say no should they ask to board so I'm hardly a proponent, but the tone of your posts is vile.

Crowler · 05/03/2014 11:29

Do you mean about "needs being met" and feeling bs is "better" Crowler?
Yes

CailinDana · 05/03/2014 11:32

I'm surprised you say that Crowler as you're the one who commented I was twattish. I've stated my views without namecalling. You don't like my tone, which is fine, but calling it vile is going a bit far I think.

CailinDana · 05/03/2014 11:35

Your comment about the language is fair. Is it better to say that child prefers boarding so that's why they choose it? It's not about their needs being met but more about what they want?

Crowler · 05/03/2014 11:36

You're surprised that I can understand a position that I am not in?

You obviously intended to provoke by suggesting boarding school is social services for the wealthy.

morethanpotatoprints · 05/03/2014 11:36

handcream

I know we haven't always seen eye to eye and I know you probably aren't bothered by what others think, but having heard you talk about the school you went to and whats available to your dc you have certainly made the right choice.

CailinDana

We H.ed and our daughter has never had childcare, in fact for record we are anti childcare for our children.
What do you suppose a parent should do when offered such a good opportunity to attend one of a couple of extremely brilliant schools, that happens to offer boarding? One that you would never in a million years be able to afford but are offered 100% bursary on 30k fees.
The child excels in the subject they offer and they want to make it their career and life.
Would you say no, because you want to keep them close to you, or do you let them follow their dreams and work alongside like minded children, taking advantage of fantastic tuition and the best opportunities available.

Crowler · 05/03/2014 11:38

If children have a good chunk of their peer set go off to BS at 11 or 13, and they're at a school where there's weekly boarding, and they're commuting back to a house in Central London every night for an hour - it's not hard to imagine why they'd find the idea of BS preferable.

forceslover · 05/03/2014 11:39

My children board, it is our decision, one we are happy with, I used to worry about what other people thought, but now I don't and goady mean threads like this reinforce this. Judge away!

Picturesinthefirelight · 05/03/2014 11:42

Well dh actually changed his job so that dd could attend her current school.

She still wants to board

I did my best to meet her needs. Picking her up from school at 4pm, taking her to dance classes each evening, rehearsals at the weekends etc but I also have a ds to think of too

She simply could not access the level of training locally that she can at her new school plus she was unhappy at her old school, she felt she didn't fit in.

IndridCold · 05/03/2014 11:43

I know several teenagers who think there are many places which are better than being at home. Doesn't mean their homes are unhappy or uncaring, it's part of being a teenager isn't it?

Kormachameleon · 05/03/2014 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OvertiredandConfused · 05/03/2014 11:45

My niece has just asked to weekly board from Year 9, next year. My DS and BiL were really shocked at first but have come round to the idea. As a day girl, she wouldn't get home until almost 9pm - that's allowing participation in all the extra-curricular stuff and would obviously earlier if she missed the clubs and activities - and then have to leave again at 7.30am. So she's going to board Monday to Friday. Fortunately, she can always come home for an evening if she wants to / if there is something happening at home.

CailinDana · 05/03/2014 11:49

Our posts crossed Crowler. I was surprised that you called my tone "vile" when you were using terms like "twattish."

What you're saying about 11 and 13 year olds wanting to be with their friends and avoid commuting is basically the same thing that I was saying earlier. Their parents live in a situation that doesn't suit the child and is difficult to change so the child is better off at bs. The child is moved out of home to a more suitable situation and goes back at weekends. Same thing ss does for thousands of poorer families. The fact that the parents pay for the child to be moved out rather than it happening for free doesn't change the basic fact that due the parent's living situation/lifestyle it is better for the child not to live at home.

encyclogirl · 05/03/2014 11:49

morethanpotatoprints What an amazing opportunity for your dd! You absolutely right to grab that opportunity with both hands. You must be extremely proud of her.

Picturesinthefirelight · 05/03/2014 11:52

The MDS scheme is a wonderful scheme for talented children. I just hope it continues to offer future children these opportunities

fullerlonger · 05/03/2014 11:55

I'm about to send my 11 year old to board two nights a week from September. She loves it, its like a giant sleepover, and it means I wont have to get her up to school for early morning swimming at 6.45am Smile

fullerlonger · 05/03/2014 11:57

and she probably does feel its better than being at home (for a couple of nights a week)

so what? That totally doesn't bother me. In fact I am glad she is happy and secure enough to be comfortable staying away from home Smile

Picturesinthefirelight · 05/03/2014 11:57

Dd is boarding tonight & tomorrow as dh is away with school.

fullerlonger · 05/03/2014 12:00

I think boarding at a lovely school with fab friends and staff who cant do enough to ensure your child is happy and secure is an absolute blessing and privilege rather than anything even slightly negative.

Crowler · 05/03/2014 12:00

Their parents live in a situation that doesn't suit the child and is difficult to change so the child is better off at bs. The child is moved out of home to a more suitable situation and goes back at weekends. Same thing ss does for thousands of poorer families. The fact that the parents pay for the child to be moved out rather than it happening for free doesn't change the basic fact that due the parent's living situation/lifestyle it is better for the child not to live at home.

You've obviously got an agenda.

CailinDana · 05/03/2014 12:02

It would be a tough choice potatoprints. But having been a "talented" child I would say no.

2tiredtocare · 05/03/2014 12:03

I worked with the Nigerian lady on the programme (I think it was the same one) her son was gifted and got a scholarship

CailinDana · 05/03/2014 12:03

Crowler I'm not sure what you mean. Do you want to explain?

Picturesinthefirelight · 05/03/2014 12:04

So Callin.