If you have a child at boarding school...

[curiousgeorgie]

Can I ask you why?

I know it's old but finally catching up on sky plus and watching the Harrow programme...

It seems so sad to send a child to boarding school, especially when some seem so resistant.

My DH said people do it because they have to, military etc.

So can I ask why you do it, if you do?

[pixiepotter]

Bronya to be fair I don't think people are best placed to see what their own faults are.It is more likely to be their nearest and dearest who see a lack of emotional intelligence/empathy amongst their partners/friends /colleagues who were boarded at a very young age.

[velocitykate]

I wouldn't ever actively send my children away to boarding school. If I had married someone in the forces, I would actively choose to stay in the UK (once any children reached school age) to facilitate them going to day school. Having said that, if any of them actively WANTED to board, then I would let them (finances allowing).

My husband is not in the forces and I have three children, the eldest two currently being educated at the local state primary school. The most messed up person I ever met was sent to boarding school in the UK by their parents at the age of 7. The mother lived abroad with the forces Father and this person felt that their mother had chosen their Father over them, Therefore, they felt they had been sent to boarding school because their parents didn't want them, which I think is very sad.

Conclusion - I wouldn't actively send any of my children, but if the child's particular wishes, or indeed educational needs meant it was the best option, then I would let them go.

[handcream]

Velocity - there are plenty on Mumsnet who wouldnt do what you are suggesting. A close relative didnt want to leave the UK and join her DH on an assignement in Europe. He is very wealthy. She just didnt want to go...

I told her not to let a multi millionaire go to Europe on his own. She did and now they are divorced.

As Mrs Merton once said 'what attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels'?.

Of course some will come on here claiming their partners would never do that to them. Well, the divorce rate is pushing 50% so someone must be doing it....

[Queenprawn]

The reason I chose to send my daughter to a weekly boarding school is because,as a single mother to a single child I felt she would get more of a chance to develope social skills.She had no siblings and Kids cant just go out and play of an evening these days,because parents feel they are putting them at risk of abduction ect.

Now Rather than coming home and arguing with me about doing homework every night and then asking to go out in the village she now does her prep in a supervised session and then goes off to activities and plays games in the fresh air and huge open fields.

she has only asked to come home 1 night when she had a problem with another girl acting inappropriately. I collected her and took her back for registration 9 hours later despite the distance because I dont understand how I could tell her she had to stay in a situation that was making her uncomfortable.Just because a parent chooses to send a child to an excellent school with amazing facilities for their all round well being it doesn't mean that person is an unsympathetic cold monster.

I went to a local comp..it was shit and I was discouraged from perusing my dream of being an actress. But 15 years later I do quite nicely and my kid is getting the best education I can afford ...Horses For Courses and Hockey sticks at Dawn! I also wonder If i thought a child of mine would benefit from boarding but couldn't afford it,If maybe that jealousy would lead me to be as rude as some women on here? People always judge what they dont understand..that's what makes me so sad

[ourglass]

Z to the O to the M to the B to the I to the E

[morethanpotatoprints]

I'm glad this thread has resurfaced tbh, I had been looking for it.

Maybe people allow/ choose boarding school for their children because it suits all of their needs.

[ourglass]

And yes to add my 2pence, coz they can and they want to. I suppose some people don't really have a specific reason. I would if my limpet child would leave me alone

[Lorna291201]

I've seen a lot of comments from people talking about others. I thought I'd add a child's perspective: I asked to go to Boarding School. My home life is fine, I love both my parents, but they had the money for it and I really wanted to prepare myself for the independence required later in life. I love it at the school I am at, and yes, there are girls around me even as I type that are here because they have no choice, but they are still happy. I was deeply unhappy at my old school, and my home is in the middle of some pretty barren countryside. Now I love with 60 other girls in the middle of a thriving town, with supportive 'matrons' to run the house. My boarding house is a good walk from the school, so I don't feel like my entire life is school. Yes, there are ups and downs - I cried for an entire day on my first day, but everyone around had been through the same thing - it is a supportive, stable environment better able to provide for me than a father who works overseas and a mother trying to run a business and care for my sister at the same time.

[Lorna291201]

Just to add, I have not at all grown distant from my parents - I FaceTime or call them every day, and I see them every 3-6 weeks for Exeats.

[madein1995]

I do agree its a little sad, why wkuld you send a young chikd away from a loving home. I suppose its different if theyre teens and their decision but then id wonder what relationship they have with their parents. As a pp said why have kids if youre going to send them away?

[Embletoni]

For many reasons. Family tradition and child wanting to being the main ones in my experience. We have several family friends whose children board, most of them come from two working parents (in London so the kids are schooled in the country) but I also have SAHM friends whose kids (all boys interestingly) board which I admit to finding a little odd.

One of my children is a day pupil at a boarding school; there is no way I'd let her board there since I sadly don't "trust" them pastorally - they get nowhere near enough sleep! But she does very long days and lots of sport/extracurricular activities which she lives for, at school.

[Embletoni]

Lorna - great to hear your perspective. Thought I should add that all the children I know who board absolutely love it.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

I so, so wanted to go to Malory Towers as a kid. Just saying.

[Me2017]

I am the other way round. I could have sent ours but chose not to. I know a lot of children from both sectors. I am not pro boarding school but at 13+ for some children it works fine (although how can you be sure that will be yours?).

I think it's useful where you're abroad and put your career before your children and choose to live away from schools - awful you if that is so....; it is useful in a friend's case wher eon divorce neither parent wanted him so boarding school minimised their contact with him;' it's sueful in all those cases where parents are truly awful to their children - sadly in day school and board school parents there are far too many of those around.

[LuckySantangelo1]

Zombie!!!!!!

[81blondie81]

My Dad was sent to boarding school at the age of 11. He hated it, and it has deeply affected him as a person in a number of ways. Very, very sad.

[Charlottelouisa]

Why have children if you just want to send them off to boarding school as soon as they hit school age?! I don't get it and never will. My eldest daughter is 10 and goes to the local primary school and she is getting on fantastically. I would never let her board EVER. Children need to know that their parents would do anything for them (including giving up work if you haven't got time to look after them)
my daughter is not allowed to go to France on the trip as you never know the people involved and if they are safe enough , but you know they are safe in your own care.

[longdiling]

Zombie zombie zombie zombie. I think I've finally found my place on mumsnet. Flagging up zombie threads while being completely ignored by the people who post after me. Fun isn't it lucky?!

[x2boys]

yeah i noticed it was a zombie thread too although i,m sure there will be loads more comments after this i have no strong feellings either way about boarding school we could never in a million years afford to send the kids too one .

[LegoClassic]

I had read all the boarding school books as a kid and I used to beg to be able to sit scholarship exams to go to any boarding school. No idea if I'd have passed (though I went to a day grammar so maybe) or if they even did 100% scholarships.

A friend had left our school to go which gave me the idea. I saw it as the solution to the shit custody arrangement my parents had which meant I was constantly on the move and hated it. I was never allowed to try. Probably it wasn't just my parents being selfish not looking into it but quite possibly it was

FWIW the three ex-boarders I know loved it.
They are still very close to their school friends, more so it seems than others who didn't have that shared living experience.
If I could afford it and my DC were really keen I'd definitely consider weekly boarding for mine at secondary.

[C0rdelia]

I know it's a zombie thread but it's still an interesting topic. I went to a state boarding school (parents abroad) and so did our daughters (Forces). I loved it and am still in contact with friends I made there.

[LegoClassic]

Oh zombieness. Darn. Thanks for letting us know. Well- there we go. 'Tis a recurring question on here with or without the undead helping.

[blowmybarnacles]

I remember listening to a radio program about boarding school and there was a child psychologist responding to the comment about very young children getting used to it. He said they didn't get used to it, they learned to suppress their feelings.

[SpunkyMummy]

I wouldn't send a child under 11.

But DH and I have talked about this. And seeing as we're both busy people, DH went to a boarding school and I went to one (just 15-19, but I have very fond memories and Switzerland really is I credibly beautiful...). Well, I'm certainly not categorically opposed to the idea.

[SpunkyMummy]

Ooops. Zombie thread.