If you have a child at boarding school...

[curiousgeorgie]

Can I ask you why?

I know it's old but finally catching up on sky plus and watching the Harrow programme...

It seems so sad to send a child to boarding school, especially when some seem so resistant.

My DH said people do it because they have to, military etc.

So can I ask why you do it, if you do?

[maninawomansworld01]

I went to boarding school, hated it and after a couple of terms became a day pupil.
Brother boarded, absolutely LOVED it. He still maintains they were some of the best days of his life and that his school days set him up and made him who he is (he's very happy and successful with a lovely life).

It depends on the child.

[crazywriter]

I went to a boarding school. Parents sent me because I asked to go for my education. It was offering a lot more than any school in my area.

When both of us were military we would have considered it to keep the children in one place for education. Now we would consider it if the school offered a better education or if we end up travelling a lot and want them to stay in one place for education. Not definitely just considerations.

Only have 1 school age child at the moment and she's doing so well where she is so no plans on changing. Granted she's only 4 but she surprises us every day with things she's learning.

[AntiqueSinger]

I know its a zombie thread, but can I ask anyone with experience of boarding, is the experience (in terms of it working, child adjusting etc) harder for children that are introverts? All the people I've ever met who have enjoyed their boarding school experience seem to be extroverts who live to be surrounded by people. I can understand such children, especially those who are naturally leader's or popular and outgoing or sporty thriving in B.S. But how do children who need space, are quiet, and possibly shy or work best alone, cope with what I assume (through ignorance) is a constant socially busy atmosphere?

I'm thinking of my school days in a modern secondary comp, with moments wishing I was alone in the library and finding the prospect of a whole day surrounded with a minimum of 30 children just awful. And I went home at the end of the day!

[39up]

My DH went to boarding school and really liked it. His dad was forces, and the alternative was a lot of different schools and always being on the move, and then when he came out, he went into managing pubs and hotels so his mum and dad were always at work.

Boarding school was stable, and he always said he really really liked the staff there - his house mistress had raised thousands of teenage boys through the years, nothing shocked her, she was very good at knowing when he needed help and when he didn't. And he felt really safe and settled there.

My great-aunt was also a house mistress at a very posh girl's school. When she died, loads of her ex-students turned up, women in their sixties, in some cases, who had kept in touch with her for years. I think boarding schools, for some kids, can provide a really secure and stable "family" which they might not have otherwise.

[GreenPetal94]

And I have two teen boys who go to local state school, we moved to be near a good school. We enjoy slobbing around together in the evenings NOT doing activities and they would not like the level of structure boarding school provides.

[GreenPetal94]

I went to boarding school from age 8 and that definitely is too young. I only really enjoyed boarding school from 16-18. It has had a long-term effect on my relationship with my parents as they have never really explained why they sent me (they both went to boarding school).

The coolest thing we ever did was climb down the dormitory fire escapes and run around in the woods in the dark in our dressing gowns and slippers after lights out. We never got caught. We had no idea at the time how unsafe this was (aged about 11) and the matrons did not know!

[RockyBird]

My SIL went to boarding school. She and her pals used to sneak out at night and go clubbing. That all stopped when she bumped into her dad walking down the street late one evening.

Her stories are great and she's a well adjusted adult.

[DancingDinosaur]

I wouldn't send my dc to boarding school as I would miss them too much. Having said that, my 9 year old dd would probably love it and thrive in that environment. I can't afford it anyway so its never going to be an option.

[Happymumof3tob]

my dh went to a boarding school didn't particularly love or hate it. but it was a good school. i think he liked it more than he lets on though. home was pretty rubbish

[AwaywiththePixies27]

Have a few ex boarder friends who loved it. Also had a friend at school (Forces) who moved around homes, countries, and schools more times that I'd had hot dinners. She often used to talk about how it would have just been simpler and easier if her parents had just boarded her. The stability I think.

Gerda I'm sorry that happened to your son. I can well believe it though! A school mum friend told me how she'd boarded her DD after despite the fact she'd had to be chaperoned around school all day, even to the open toilets to stop the bullies from getting access to her. They still managed to beat the shit out of her as they waited for her on the park one day again the little snowflakes were helped and the mum was left forking out boarding school fees for her DD. Who turned out to absolutely loge it and got her confidence back.

It's easy for people to say "oh I'd never do that to my DC". There are lots and lots of reasons behind decisions to do so, not simply because the parents wanted a few years break from raising their kids.

[CalleighDoodle]

I dont know anyone who wouldnt want to board at Hogwarts.

[famousfour]

I know this is a zombie but what is the issue with talking to old threads if they are interesting btw?

[famousfour]

I went to boarding school and loved it - I never felt my parents were not prepared to do 'anything for me' by sending me there. Quite the reverse. My reasons for not doing the same for my children would be more about me than them (wanting to see the every day etc). That said I wouldn't send a very young child and some children are not suited I think.

[ClassmateHB]

Wtf is it with zombie threads today? This is the third one tonight!

[SpunkyMummy]

That is really awful!

And it makes me wonder if I'm simply sheltered...

Mugging somebody with a knife! I thought that would be a reason for expulsion or at least suspension.

[GerdaLovesLili]

Yep. And they were more worried about the poor special snowflakes that were responsible.

[SpunkyMummy]

He was mugged twice by fellow students? :0

That's awful. I'm genuinely shocked something like this would happen. And with a knife? At school?!!!

[GerdaLovesLili]

We sent Big Son to a state Grammar that offered boarding at 13. He wasn't offered a place at any of the local secondary schools that we would have considered , we tried two years at a school in the next borough that had been rebranded with a "super head" and all sorts of exciting wizzy pedagogical ideas that went sour after a year of the experiment.

During that time he was mugged twice by fellow students, once at knife-point. He was also diagnosed with Aspergers.

He was going through a difficult and sometimes violent "I hate you" phase, and the boarding school offered us and him respite and a much better education than he had been getting at the Islington Comprehensive.

[SpunkyMummy]

Ooops. Zombie thread.

[SpunkyMummy]

I wouldn't send a child under 11.

But DH and I have talked about this. And seeing as we're both busy people, DH went to a boarding school and I went to one (just 15-19, but I have very fond memories and Switzerland really is I credibly beautiful...). Well, I'm certainly not categorically opposed to the idea.

[blowmybarnacles]

I remember listening to a radio program about boarding school and there was a child psychologist responding to the comment about very young children getting used to it. He said they didn't get used to it, they learned to suppress their feelings.

[LegoClassic]

Oh zombieness. Darn. Thanks for letting us know. Well- there we go. 'Tis a recurring question on here with or without the undead helping.

[C0rdelia]

I know it's a zombie thread but it's still an interesting topic. I went to a state boarding school (parents abroad) and so did our daughters (Forces). I loved it and am still in contact with friends I made there.

[LegoClassic]

I had read all the boarding school books as a kid and I used to beg to be able to sit scholarship exams to go to any boarding school. No idea if I'd have passed (though I went to a day grammar so maybe) or if they even did 100% scholarships.

A friend had left our school to go which gave me the idea. I saw it as the solution to the shit custody arrangement my parents had which meant I was constantly on the move and hated it. I was never allowed to try. Probably it wasn't just my parents being selfish not looking into it but quite possibly it was

FWIW the three ex-boarders I know loved it.
They are still very close to their school friends, more so it seems than others who didn't have that shared living experience.
If I could afford it and my DC were really keen I'd definitely consider weekly boarding for mine at secondary.

[x2boys]

yeah i noticed it was a zombie thread too although i,m sure there will be loads more comments after this i have no strong feellings either way about boarding school we could never in a million years afford to send the kids too one .