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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you have a child at boarding school...

418 replies

curiousgeorgie · 04/03/2014 13:07

Can I ask you why?

I know it's old but finally catching up on sky plus and watching the Harrow programme...

It seems so sad to send a child to boarding school, especially when some seem so resistant.

My DH said people do it because they have to, military etc.

So can I ask why you do it, if you do?

OP posts:
Borntorun25 · 05/03/2014 10:07

I boarded from the age of 12, I went because of major educational disruption in local schools at the time (late 1970s) and the best option academically was the local state boarding school. It was primarily meant for children of military families but children in the local area could also apply as day or boarders. I lived more than an hours drive away so boarding it was for me.
My parents didn't really want to send me ( I found this out later) but did it to give me my best chance for university. They discussed it with me first and would never have forced me to go. I was keen and overall enjoyed the experience. I do remember being homesick, and I remember long queues and limited times on the phone home ( no email or mobiles in those days!). I also remember lots of fun, and yes, we did sometimes have 'midnight feasts' although never as good as the Mallory Towers ones).

I did grow away from my parents a bit, and went a bit wild, but that might have happened as a teenager anyway. We had a close relationship again once I grew up and became a more sensible adult.

I am glad I went because it opened the door to Uni for me, which just wouldn't have happened given the local school at the time. I would prefer not to send my children but would if it was a better option for them and they wanted to go. I would not send them at primary age though.

pixiepotter · 05/03/2014 10:13

yes.
Teenagers are known to go off the rails.
google it

RiverTam · 05/03/2014 10:18

I'm not googling it, I'm not the one asserting it. You want to be treated like a grown up on this thread - try acting like one and stop making stupid, goady statements.

'Teenagers are known to go off the rails' - wow, what a pearl of wisdom.

pixiepotter · 05/03/2014 10:20

I am astonished at how have put forward the argument for boarding because of parents jobs.
You change your job to be there for your children!You have got your priorities wrong!

handcream · 05/03/2014 10:33

Pixie - I think we all get that you hate boarding schools and have a chip on your shoulder about them but dont you dare start saying that parents are just sending the children to them to absolve themselves of parental responsibility. My DS's have endless holidays, they both come back at weekends, as others said they have various long weekends.

What If I said that sending your kids to a state school was not giving them the best chance in life, and allowed you to smother them with your outated strange views about boarding schools and allowed them to get brain washed with YOUR views - I wouldnt dream of doing that so why do you think you have the right to make such rude comments about other people's choices.

Both my DH an myself work full time, I have some flexibility with work and so does he so if there was a great day private school we would probably have taken it. But there isnt so we chose a boarding school and its worked out brilliantly for us.

I went ot a rubbish sec modern and wouldnt wish that on anyone....

CailinDana · 05/03/2014 10:50

The way I see it, bs benefits children whose parents are unable or unwilling to give them what they need. Therefore they have a positive function as an expensive optional form of social services. As long as they are run well (which is unfortunately not always the case) they can improve the lot of children that would be overlooked by ss, who seem to believe only poor parents parent badly.

handcream · 05/03/2014 10:54

Cailin - that comment is even worse... What next - child abuse....

Crowler · 05/03/2014 10:54

It's open season on this thread, it seems.

CailinDana · 05/03/2014 10:57

Why is it worse? Do you think boarding school doesn't benefit children with difficulties at home?

Crowler · 05/03/2014 10:58

Sure, but there are lots of children at BS who don't have difficulties at home. Such as children of parents on this thread.

CailinDana · 05/03/2014 11:01

Fa

encyclogirl · 05/03/2014 11:04

Ds13 is a day boy at a private school where 25% of the students board. He is begging to board and we have agreed he can for his two final years. Dh boarded in the UK (we’re now in Ireland), and he got on ok because he was a tough old boot, but definitely didn’t want his dc boarding. He boarded in the 80’s and says he was mostly cold, hungry and wearing wet rugby kit.

Ds’s school offers day boarding up to 8.30pm and we might look at that next year. It’s a good compromise if your dc is involved in sports or other extra curricular activities. Ds plays rugby for the school and stays late for training three days a week plus matches. On the days he’s not training I have to crowbar him out of school.

“Can I stay for prep? Can I stay and watch the girls hockey match? Can I stay and do track? Can I stay and watch the 6th formers rehearse their play? Can I stay because so and so is staying today?”

He would think all his Christmases had come together if we let him board Mon-Fri.

Dh says it simply doesn't compare to his own experience of boarding, and his Mum definitely did just shove him into school so she could travel. He lived in London, his school was a short train ride away but he wasn't allowed to come home, “For his own good” Hmm

As previous posters have pointed out boarding is no longer the cut and dried affair it was in dh’s day and to my surprise I find it’s now very much a possibility for our family.

CailinDana · 05/03/2014 11:04

Sorry phone issues. If the relationship is very good t home then surely it's more beneficial for the child to be with the parent than someone who's paid to look at after them and a lot of other children?

Crowler · 05/03/2014 11:08

But what if the child is ready/wants to board, and you're spending all your weeknights dealing with logistics?

I think we can reserve our ire for parents who send unwilling children to board rather than those who relent in the face of endless begging or logistical reality or travel/job restrictions.

handcream · 05/03/2014 11:10

Calin - I take it you dont work.... Never used childcare. Well lucky you but someone is paying for you to make that lifestyle choice.

My two sons dont have any difficulties at home... why do you assume they do?

LaydeeC · 05/03/2014 11:14

pixie I don't think I have ever read such spiteful comments on any of the boards on this site as yours.

Fwiw, my son boards weekly. He has special needs. He was always difficult to manage - that is NOT a failing on my part, it is part of his condition.

I do not like being judged by you that it was an easy decision to make so that I didn't have to deal with the 'problem' or prefer to go 'on the piss'.

We took a, literally, heartbreaking decision for our family which was suggested by, supported by and funded by professionals as it was in HIS interest (not mine) for him to be in a specialist environment. It was also in the interest of his sibling who was entitled to a 'normal' childhood without witnessing violent outbursts and our house being trashed every few days.

Like many others, I did not have my children with the intention of 'sending them away'. Like many others, I like the company of my children. Like many others, I would give my last breath for my children. Many others do not love their children more than I do mine simply because my son was sent to boarding school.

I took a decision to benefit him, not me.

Your assertions are simply wrong.

CailinDana · 05/03/2014 11:15

If the child wants to board then clearly he/she feels his/her needs aren't being met by the parents and so boarding would seem a good option. If a parent chooses a job over a child, then yes, boarding is a good option as a child who feels they are a burden won't have a happy home life. I have no ire for anyone least of all the parents who send an unwilling child. If a parent is happy to send a child away against their will then that child is much better off at bs away from that parent. It takes a special kind of neglecttful cruelty to do that so while the child might be sad at being left it probably is better for them than being with a parent who just doesn't care about them. At least at bs there's a chance of being loved and cared for, and their physical needs will be met.

handcream · 05/03/2014 11:17

I also have plenty of other things to spend our money on...

But I consider spending money on education when the alternative isnt always great a good decision.

Crowler · 05/03/2014 11:18

If the child wants to board then clearly he/she feels his/her needs aren't being met by the parents and so boarding would seem a good option.

Now that is just downright twatish.

DeWe · 05/03/2014 11:20

I went to a school that had about 1/4 boarding pupils.
I only remember one child deciding she didn't like boarding and chosing not to. (went to live with grandparents, I think)
I can remember several who chose to continue boarding after parents had come back, or who chose to board despite being close enough (as in 10 minute drive type close, no no hassle) not to.

So I'd guess the majority enjoyed it.

Dd2 wants to board she tells me. Unfortunately she's got her eye on the Chalet School and was most put out to find it was imaginary. Grin

handcream · 05/03/2014 11:20

You havent answered the question. Have you ever used childcare for your children.

The reasons for baording are numerous but pointless to state to sucha person which such closed views.

handcream · 05/03/2014 11:23

I think Cailin is just being silly now.

I suspect she might home ed unless of course using a school during the day is OK in her view because its what SHE does therefore that decision is OK to make

CailinDana · 05/03/2014 11:24

Handcream I work from home. DS goes to nusery two mornings a week. DD hasn't gone to any childcare yet.

Crowler why would a child want to board unless they felt it was somehow better than being at home? Genuine question.

Crowler · 05/03/2014 11:27

You're shifting your wording around a bit, aren't you?

angelos02 · 05/03/2014 11:28

yy to this *
Crowler why would a child want to board unless they felt it was somehow better than being at home?*

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