To cancel Pancake Tuesday?

[nocontactforevermore]

I posted on here the other day my dd's behaviour. She keeps waking me up really early in morn, bursts into my room at all hours. This morn she came in at 6. I sent her back to her room, so she stood outside it with a whistle instead.

I have tried everything (aside from buying her one of those special clocks) She always claims she just wants to know what time it is, what time I'm getting up. She has a room full of toys, just will not entertain herself. She is pretty much like that when she's awake as well. I was so frustrated this morn that i burst into tears. I've pleaded with her, begged even. I don't sleep well as it is.

I've told her she can't go to her activity and pancakes are off. I am guilty of not following through with what I say. Is this too harsh a punishment?

[AmysTiara]

Dont give her pancakes, teach her the time, buy her a clock for her bedroom and chuck out the bloody whistle.

[MomOfTwoGirls2]

Oh, and I'd take the whistle off her.

[mrsjay]

I would also have a calm but serious chat with her about her lack of respect for you as a person, and how it makes you feel. And include the fact of not enough sleep making you shouty, and potentially making you ill.

One thing you need to instill in her is that it is not all about her. You are a family and need to treat each other with love and respect. That means she needs to treat you with love and respect, as well as visa versa. You could include what you need to improve upon (the shouting), but also explain the link between your feeling disrespected and shouting.


^^ THAT

[Thetallesttower]

For a start, remove the whistle and all noisy toys!

I know it doesn't solve the problem but I would be mad at this. You have had some excellent advice on how to deal with this- firm boundaries coupled with love and attention at other times.

One of my dd's can't tell the time though, so do put a clock in, and a photo or buy one of those alarm clocks. If she can't see the time she can't respond appropriately to it.

Otherwise, I found at this age, both girls took me a bit for granted, it was all 'I need a drink' 'Can I have sweets' every time we left the house. I did lose my temper one day and told them they were extremely ungrateful and I simply wouldn't be buying or doing extra things unless people a) helped out themselves, so I put plastic drinks/bowls down low so they can help themselves to drinks/cereal and milk if thirsty and hungry and b) they were appropriately grateful, so saying thanks if given something.

This is a funny age, they are still quite dependent on you, but it sounds like your dd could manage more independence- i would go down that route, encouraging her to go downstairs on her own, switch on the TV, get a drink and some cereal, She is not too young for this and then may start taking more pride in her growing capabilities rather than pestering you.

[monkeymamma]

Could you turn this on its head and make a positive out of it? Marble in the jar every time she stays in bed till after 7 (you must buy her a clock though) and when the jar is full she gets a treat (eg day out with you/you'll paint her nails/substantial toy)? Apologies if bribery is not a mumsnet approved technique but it did work with me when I was little!

[SolitudeSometimesIs]

I wouldn't do pancakes tonight. She can earn them and you can have pancake day tomorrow. It's not like you are cancelling Christmas, it's pancakes.

Sit her down and tell her why and how she can earn them back, talk her through the clock. If you back down on this you are letting her know that there are no consequences no matter how much you yell at her in the morning.

[marfisa]

The clock is a good idea.

My 9 year old likes to get into bed with us in the morning. However, he knows he's not allowed to come in till 7 am. He checks the time on his digital clock and waits to come in till then (most of the time!). He then sleeps in our bed from 7-8 (DH is usually already up by then).

On the other hand, I sleep like a log, and am quite relaxed about co-sleeping, so I don't mind a sleepy child staggering in and launching himself into the bed an hour before I have to get up. If he tried to wake me up and make me get up with him I would be very annoyed though!

[mindosa]

I wouldn't necessarily cancel pancake Tuesday, it wont help you get what you want.

I would rather they slept later but have no major issue with a 7yo awake at 6am but playing quietly, reading in their room. What you are describing in totally unacceptable and I would take a pretty tough line with this.

I would let her know that each time she does this, there will be a consequence and I would make it tangible.

So for instance, take away a toy, dvd, tv time. I would keep going until it stopped. She is clearly wilful so it may take time so you will probably need to persevere.

[pictish]

Personally I wouldn't cancel the pancakes either. I'd wipe the slate clean and start the new arrangement tomorrow.

[LiegeAndLief]

I have a 7yo who wakes up early and likes company. This is what we do:

He has a digital clock with large numbers on it (was very cheap from Argos), so he knows what the time is when he wakes up. He was a bit younger when we first got it so I wrote out 04, 05, 06 with a cross next to them and 07 with a tick (for the first two numbers of the time), but might not be necessary for a 7yo. Didn't take him long to get the idea. When he wakes up he is allowed to do anything he wants as long as he doesn't wake us or his sister, but he normally stays in bed reading. If he was stood outside our room with a whistle I would have a massive sense of humour failure and the whistle would never be seen again.

We have a reward system. For us it is marbles in a jar which each equate to 20p on a Saturday - you can spend them however you like or save them up. Ds is also allowed to "spend" them on extra time on the playstation. He gets a marble for each night of going to bed without a fuss and not waking us until 7am, although we've made it very clear that if he has a nightmare or feels ill etc he is still welcome in our room. I find the reward system very helpful still, both dc respond to it and love choosing how to spend their marbles on Saturday. Dd's jar is nearly full as she is saving hers, ds's is always emptied!

[blahblahblah2014]

Standing outside your door with a whistle? Seriously? One wholloping and she wouldn't be doing that again!!! What's wrong with kids thesedays? Entitled, disrespectful little shits!

[pictish]

What's a wholloping? Is it a bit like a wallaping, but more frenzied and pointless?

[CoffeeTea103]

Yes cancel the pancakes. It's a consequence of her irritating, rude behaviour which happens to be pancakes. It's not a big deal. Also you don't need to again spoon feed her with writing out instructions to turn on the tv. At 7 years old she should know basic things like this.
She just seems naughty and it's not acceptable to reduce her mother to years over something as ridiculous as this.

[fs2013]

I expect to be in a minority here but...I would just get up! Your DD is an early bird, just accept it & go to bed earlier yourself. I actually don't think 6am is that early, though 5 is. I would cuddle her in bed for a while then get up and doze on the couch. If she is generally rude & disrespectful in other ways then look at your style of parenting and maybe get some help.

[blahblahblah2014]

all these poncy ideas, she's obviously just playing up and being naughty. If she done that to me, she wouldn't do it twice i tell you!

[pictish]

Because you'd beat her into submission?

Yeah...moving on to the intelligent advice....

[blahblahblah2014]

Because i would take her back to her bed and make her stay there!

[blahblahblah2014]

What none of you lot got a smacked bum and sent to bed when you were naughty?

[Kerosene]

MiL was like this with DH. She's still running around after him. He knows he's taking the piss, but...

I would cancel pancakes - they're a treat anyway, rather than a proper foodstuff, and you have to carry through. Make something else she likes instead. If she doesn't wake you up for the rest of the week, she can have them on Sunday. I'd say she could have them for breakfast if she didn't wake you, but that might be too much temptation for her!

Bin the whistle. Tell her why. I'd also have the conversation about love and respect that was mentioned above.

It does sound like she needs to learn to entertain herself. Can you gradually step back, so she learns to turn the TV on herself, can pick a toy and play with it, or read a book to herself?

[blahblahblah2014]

Hardly beating to submission (which just sounds perverse btw pricktish)

[mrsjay]

how do you MAKE them stay there if all the other ideas are poncy

[pictish]

One wholloping and she wouldn't be doing that again!!!
In your own words Bleurgh.

[blahblahblah2014]

wall charts and stickers for a 7 year old who is basically just being a little madam and naughty? really? I would TAKE her back to bed and tell her forcefully that she is to sit there until i told her to get up. and if she got up again i'd give her a good smack and send her back. it would work for most kids.

[Kerosene]

Fs, the OP has considerable difficulty sleeping, it's not like she can just go to bed an hour earlier. I agree that 6am isn't particularity early (I'm out the door by 6...), but that doesn't help the OP's health problem being exacerbated by her daughter.

[chicaguapa]

I wouldn't do pancakes tonight. She can earn them and you can have pancake day tomorrow. It's not like you are cancelling Christmas, it's pancakes.

^^ This is exactly what I was going to say. Tell her she can have pancakes every day if she's quiet in the morning.