to Sometimes get fed up being the pivotal person in my house?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

Had a bit of a melt - down today, for many reasons.

I know that there really is no escape, but I seem to be the one who:

reminds,
decides,
repeats,
Is asked what/where/wgen/who/how,
and so on.

Does anyone else get fed up with nothing seeming to happen unless they provides the encouragement or urging or reminding or deciding to get it done?

Me too!!!
Some years ago I ran our company, two DSs and a DH.
Then he had the fucking cheek to complain that I hadn't quite got round to going back to work.
Apparently its not the done thing to still be sore about this...

I'm right in the middle if this ATM. I'm trying to get DH to have more thought where me, dd and the house is concerned as I'm preparing to go back to work.

It's only now that this is happening that I realise quite how much my family has revolved around me and how hard it will be for them to adjust and by family I mean my DH as DD is fine

Yep. I'm the Family Managing Director in this house. Also Financial Director.

YANBU at all.

Another sufferer here. DH doesn't even 'remember' to bath DS (4) if I'm away with work. Or he CBA. Or he rings to ask me things he should know: where his work laptop lead is, for example. Or his brown shoes.

Laundry? Yup. Shopping and meal planning? Yup. All the bloody household admin? Yup. School things (homework, fancy dress, school dinners)? Yup. All me.

Then there's the ludicrous things like putting DS into clothes that are far too small - because I haven't removed them from his wardrobe in time. FFS, DH, do you not have EYES?

I also feel like I'm constantly nagging to get him to notice things around the house that need to be done. "Can you unpack the dishwasher?" "Could you empty the bin please?".... Then I get the long-suffering sigh and the eye roll. Arrrgghhhh!!!!

We both work hard in similar full time jobs but I feel hugely under pressure at home. I try to accept that we have different standards / ways of being but everything does need doing sooner or later - he just doesn't see that though. I try to leave things as long as I can but that makes me even more frustrated.

I am spectacularly annoyed about it today so your thread really struck a chord with me. Can you tell?!

It must be bad, been on mn for over 5 years and never ventured onto AIBU before!

Can you delegate one major task as a starting point?

For example, I don't shop for food (well, I will get single ingredients for a specific dish I fancy). DH shops for food, or there is no food in the house. I don't shop for food even if DH is away on a business trip - if he needs to, he has to organise a delivery before he goes away.

This works for us because I'm more than happy to eat a dish of rice and peas for supper for several days running, and DH is not.

I'm also quite happy not to wash anything.

And if DH asks me anything idiotic, I look at him and say sweetly 'I don't know, dear. Where did you think you put it?"

Yes, I totally understand. I have a regular mini meltdown about this. I cannot deny that DP is fantastic but I am the main sorter outer in my house and it is bloody exhausting. My biggest bugbear is that I do ALL the bloody cooking. If I don't no one seems to even think about it. If I work late leaving DP and Dd on their own I get a text saying "Shall we have a curry tonight". It's couched in such a way that it's as if I'm getting a treat but actually it means that DP can't be arsed to cook!

Having said that she is amazing in many other ways so I shouldn't really moan.

Reebee do we share a DH? He can manage to find the bag/ pile of pants and socks I've sorted out of DD's drawers and completely misses the large drawer of fitting pairs.

I peeled a pair of 4-5 years pants off DD last week. She is almost 7, and had elastic marks all the way round. (and wouldn't you think she would realise they were too tight?)

Me too. I just want not to be orchestrating everything ALL the flipping time. I also worry about what happens if I get proper sick. Had pneumonia a couple of winters ago and pleaded not to be admitted because had no idea, and still don't ,how the family would run. Actually ,it wouldn't. It would grind to a halt.
Also melted down this weekend because, despite feeling rough (just run of the mill viral rough), I had, as usual done all the laundry, food prep ,homework supervision, taken children out, cooked meal ,served said meal and then got a strop from ds because I'd dared to put custard and crumble in the same bowl.

you are not alone i think many of us feel like you do I had a meltdown on friday MUm where is .... well i lost it where did you have it last did you put it in the washing basket , whta you put it in last night well the washing fucking fairy doesn't work nights . It would be great to just switch of and let somebody else worry about stuff for a change, DH is great but he is out working early so is never around for the day to day mundane rubbish, I have just had to rake my purse for dinner money and i thought bugger this and told dh to sort it out

Not self indulgent at all - hopefully therapeutic though!

I understand exactly what you mean. I'm a LP and often feel bowled over by the fact I have to make every decision. If I don't do it, think it, say it then it's doesn't happen - so draining.

Add to that a DS with SN who needs constant direction.

Personally I don't think this constant rain and darkness is helping anyone's moods.

I have just said on another thread that i went away a few weeks ago to my friends just to get a break and switched my mobile off was fab

Ha ha ha even when I fucked off in a rage went and stayed with my parents house for the night my dad woke me up at 7am on a Sunday morning to tell me to go home as the kids won't cope without me. I wasn't even gone for 24 hours. Urghhh

Another 'favourite': if DH goes out for the evening, I have to make supper for him to have either before he leaves or after he gets back. If I go out for the evening, I still have to make supper. If I don't, DH will (grudgingly) sort out something for himself to eat, but won't make/leave anything for me to eat when I get in.

And picking up on the whole fucking laundry thing - DH once told me that he felt humiliated because I leave his clean laundry on his side of the bed for him to put away. Fine for me to pick up his dirty pants and socks and to sort through his sweaty, grimy clothes and wash them. That's perfectly acceptable. But he managed to feel humiliated. FFS. Putting away his own clean pants, socks and t-shirts is almost literally the least he can fucking do.

YANBU. Last week 'D'H 'forgot'/CBA to settle DD into nursery so he's now having to take time off work to do it this week. More time than if he'd done it last week as we now have no alternative childcare provision.

Nothing left to him is ever done on time/properly/at all. I can't just leave it because if I did then no bills would ever be paid and the DC would survive on a diet of chocolate and fish fingers.

Heartfelt agreement.

Only I know what day the recycling bins go out. (They have gone out on the same day for the last 4 years).
Only I know when the car /house/dog needs to be re-insured. (In the same month since we got them 9/12 / 8 years respectively).
Only I know what date we're going on holiday and where and who needs to have their passport renenwed. (which we have discussed as a family repeatedly)
Only I know what time ds2's football training starts. (He started when he was 6 and is now 15. The time it starts hasn't changed.)

I tried delegating and put dh in charge of the fuel bills. He now asks me what to do every time he gets the bill. (He is supposedly an intelligent man.)

The sole cause for this apparent lack of male 'nouse' is laziness. Just fucking laziness.

Oh god, can I join the club. OP you summed up my life. I'm so fed up with making decisions in this house. If I hear " what are we doing this weekend" or "is there anything needing doing?" One more time I might have to bury the bodies under the decking! Arghhhhh

How old are the kids?

Is it feasible to have bus passes and give them a check list for them to organise themselves a bit so you have less reminders?

Get them involved in meal planning perhaps?

It's the lack of headspace I can't cope with. I'm always thinking of half a dozen things that need doing and I feel like a drudge who has lost all creativity. I can't concentrate at work as there is always a bill to be sorted or some kid related stuff.

I'm just going to quietly fist bump the op in solidarity and sneak off. I fear if I start, I'll never stop.

Not that I'm blaming you guys but how did it get like this is the first place?
I'm (mostly) a SAHM but there's no way I'm taking responsibility for everything.
Dh washes his own clothes, I don't touch them.
DH cooks almost every night and does the food shop (with the two kids in tow while I lay about the place at home).
He sorts home insurance, broadband, energy bills and mortgage stuff.
I do car, savings and life insurance.
He sorts haircuts and vaccinations, I do dentist shoes and clothes.
He sorts house gadgets and I do decorating.

We split the chores though I do more general tidying as I'm at home more.

If it's not in the calendar it doesn't happen. If dh has to be away for work outside of work hours he has to arrange "cover" usually by getting his mum to come down. If he doesn't put it in the calendar then he has to cancel. I am not a constantly - available skivvy and my time is not free for him to use.

Once the kids start school we will divide that responsibility too. In fact he did ds's settling in days at nursery so he knows far more about that than I do.

If anyone askse where something is the answer is generally (genuinely) "I don't know."

My DH is pretty good - does his fair share of chores etc but it does seem I'm the only one who can make a decision in this house.
What to eat for dinner and at what time...what the kids wear...where we go and what we do on days off...what anybody gets as a birthday/Christmas present etc etc.
I'd love a day where I don't make any decisions!

You are not alone.

Only tonight I had to walk DH through choosing a meal when our freezer had BBQ chicken breasts, fish cakes or pizza in it.

I tried ignoring him and making him decide but he just couldn't be bothered.

The answer I got from him was they I was so good at coming up with ideas. Because looking at a frozen pizza and turning on the oven needs a level of imagination beyond a grown adult who lived on his own for several years.

It's just laziness as far as I can see and drives me crazy. So no answers but plenty of empathy.

One of the things I hate (yes there are lots of things).
On the rare occasion that DH does actually do something productive it's never been done as well EVER.
Last time he cleaned the bathroom (many moons ago). The whole family had to admire what a good job he'd done and god help anyone who messes it up.He also likes to follow this up with advice on how to do the job so well.
Do any of us get thanked for the cleaning, reminding, finding and general
Life management, not often and the pay is crap.

I've started to use the phrase "I dunno" a lot. I think it's working. I used it earlier when asked what was there for dinner. as I obviously have the padlock key to the fridge and freezer

Lo and behold he was able to open the fridge and actually use his eyes to look for dinner. It's a bloody miracle.