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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to Sometimes get fed up being the pivotal person in my house?

542 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 03/03/2014 20:11

Had a bit of a melt - down today, for many reasons. Sad

I know that there really is no escape, but I seem to be the one who:

reminds,
decides,
repeats,
Is asked what/where/wgen/who/how,
and so on.

Does anyone else get fed up with nothing seeming to happen unless they provides the encouragement or urging or reminding or deciding to get it done?

OP posts:
Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 03/03/2014 20:27

Thanks all.

Compadres.

OP posts:
justmyview · 03/03/2014 20:27

How about making some lists, so no one can claim they didn't know swimming club is tomorrow (for example)?

I share your pain. I sometimes get a bit fed up of being the grown up in this house. Over time, I've come to feel that so long as it all gets done, it doesn't really matter if it's me who co-ordinates it. If I remind DH that something needs to be done, he trots off happily to do it. I often feel it would be nice to share responsibility for remembering, but I can live with this compromise

Remembering what needs to be done is quite different from doing it all yourself

NomDePrune · 03/03/2014 20:29

I really feel for you, I could have written this a few years ago! How old are your DCs?
It's the feeling of responsibility, and that if you don't wash the uniforms nobody will, and the kids will wear dirty ones and it will reflect badly on you. Not on them or DH. You gave to prioritise and decide what really matters.

feebeecat · 03/03/2014 20:29

YANBU, not on your own, but sometimes knowing that doesn't help.

I went with a raging tantrum, declaration I was on strike & instructed DH to bid dc goodbye as was likely they would have disappeared in the chaos by Wednesday. Surrounded by lots of Shock They picked up their game for a while, but slipping again. Feel another bout of foot stomping coming on.

You do know they won't fall apart if you leave them to it don't you? They won't cope nearly as well with you there, but I'd bet they'd muddle along & it might do them some good too. Work on your shoulder shrugging & "dunno" responses & let them have a go.

Only1scoop · 03/03/2014 20:31

Yanbu ....I feel like the man of the house here and I hate it Hmm

addictedtosugar · 03/03/2014 20:34

Oh, and DH and DS2 went to visit PIL a couple of weeks ago.
I promised myself I'd stay out of the packing.
So I did til he went to the gym the night before they left.
I added a list of
DS2 passport (PIL live abroad)
keys to PIL house
mobile chargers.....

I think there would have been an issue with no passport....
And I'd have struggled without being able to speak to my 2 yr old for 2 weeks when the batteries went flat.

Nocomet · 03/03/2014 20:39

I have been heard to scream, "am I the only person who can read a fucking clock?"

As I chase some one out the door for music, gym, etc.

DH, to be fair isn't bad and sometimes even reminds me of things, but the DDs!

DD1 are you going to youth group, is there Rangers?
" duh don't know."
"Well have you rang DF?" as you are asked to, three times every week!

I know it's a pain having to contact the one teen on the planet who doesn't answer texts, but she has a perfectly good land line and an answer phone.

And to answer my initial question no, DD2 and DH can read a clock and DD1 can read a digital one (she's dyslexic and even at 16 analogue clocks [confuse] her)

NearTheWindymill · 03/03/2014 20:42

I'm with you on the indispensible mum train to fury and frustration. First stop wine.

Stockhausen · 03/03/2014 20:42

YANBU! I seem to be fridge monitor & keeper of all lost things too

Lora1982 · 03/03/2014 20:43

Im having the exact same melt down today... except when I mentioned it I got a mardy reply and a door slammed behind him. Cok.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 03/03/2014 20:48

CHAOS - Get thee over to Site Stuff FORTHWITH as there is news there you will be very interested in!

And hopefully will cheer you up! Grin Grin

AnandaTimeIn · 03/03/2014 20:51

Oh, I can so understand this....

And I'm a LP. I guess that's the upturn on that, in that I don't have to run after and organise the useless ex as well.

Hey ho! Be thankful for small mercies Smile

Tweasels · 03/03/2014 20:52

Oh Chaos Cake

I feel like this too. Sometimes the responsibility is overwhelming. My DH is also great in many respects but I think through work responsibilities changing (me working less hours) I've unknowingly took over the general administration of EVERYTHING to the extent where DH has become literally useless.

Like your situation, he does try but asks so many bloody questions I might as well do it myself.

cardamomginger · 03/03/2014 21:20

I get excluded from the important decisions and information, yet all the drudge and dross falls to me to have to remember/do. One of my 'favourites' is when DH stands in the kitchen and asks me 'What am I eating? What have you got in?' Another 'favourite' is his inability to know what needs doing and when with our 3-year old DD. Really basic stuff like feeding her.

TheWoollybacksWife · 03/03/2014 21:23

Me too. Can I join the club?

In our house it doesn't happen unless it's on the calendar. BUT it's a bloody ORGANISED MUM calendar Angry Why not an "Organised Family" calendar?

DH is brilliant with household finances and does his fair share of taking to activities and picking up. He has a long working day and I am mostly happy to do the vast majority of the household admin BUT it is just the unrelenting grind of checking that ballet bags are packed and by the front door and swimming kits are sorted and wet cossies are hung up after lessons. Not to mention finding train fare and dinner money and filling in permission slips.

Even 7yo DS now comes and tells me that he has done a "man look" for lost things. Grrrr

idinnehaveaclue · 03/03/2014 21:28

This is me at work.

I'm a Manager of Men PA.

TallyGrenshall · 03/03/2014 21:30

YANBU

I had a hissed argument with DP earlier because he used my door key and forgot to give it back. I had to get DS to climb through the cat flap and get the back door key (which he thought was hilarious [hmmm]).

Of course, it was all my fault for not reminding him. Bloody idiot. Proper words will be had when I get back from work

QueenofLouisiana · 03/03/2014 21:35

I am apparently the only person who knows when DS goes to various clubs (same time every week), whether or not he has paid for lunch/ breakfast club.....

deakymom · 03/03/2014 21:37

im quietly not doing my husbands washing i wash dry iron his clothing and he doesnt bother putting it away last night i even put it on his pillow he took it off and put it on the floor he throws his clothing everywhere but in the basket so fuck it im not doing it ive left the washing machine instructions out he can bloody do it

Sevensev · 03/03/2014 21:42

If you struggle with even a takeaway decision, it is definitely time for you to take a break. And if that means being away from the house for 3 days, and yes, minor chaos ensuing in the Chaos household, then so be it.
You will be pleasantly surprised at how they handled things, and minor horrified when you get back too, but you will feel soooooo much better able to handle things, and may indeed make minor good changes to household matters for the future.

ohtowinthelottery · 03/03/2014 21:45

It is like that in my house too. I'm sure I only had 2 children, but I seem to have 3.
DH missed his last dental appointment because I didn't remind him. We have just received reminder letters for our check-ups this month (different days). I left the letters on the worktop for 3 days for DH to see then filed them with all the pending appointment letters. Today he asks me where the letter has gone. But he has known about the appointment for 6 months so it should already be in his diary not. It is on the calendar in the kitchen that he never looks at (only filled in by me) - even though there is a column just for him. I am amazed that he manages to run a business coz he sure as hell can't organise his personal life Sad

RunLikeSomeFeckersChasing · 03/03/2014 21:49

It's like I've come home! I understand the DCs need organised as they are still small but what fecker nominated me? It's a full time job. DH doesn't know which days DD needs a packed lunch (every school day, not that fucking hard) or DS is at nursery (same days very week). He generally begins to wonder what we should have for dinner when the children are already screaming. Christmas and birthdays he thinks about parties and presents the day before at the earliest. Then the fucker comes up with a brilliant plan which would have needed at least a month to organise. We are having building work starting next week and he needs to sort the flooring as he has a contact. If he is not in the foundations before its over it'll be a miracle.

RunLikeSomeFeckersChasing · 03/03/2014 21:51

BTW there's room for at least another 4 of them in the foundations...

comicsansisevil · 03/03/2014 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Megrim · 03/03/2014 21:55

I sometimes what would happen if I buggered off unexpectedly for a week.

It's very tempting ...