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Original poster

My partner told friends that she has had 110 partners last night

526 replies

Plutorover · 02/03/2014 09:47

My partner of 7 years who is 40 told some friends that she had slept with approximately 110 men in the past. I did know this, but feel angry that she decided to tell others. It was at a school reunion do that I was not at. The question was specifically asked in a finding out game. I don't understand why she didn't tell them to mind their own business or lie.

She has hinted at it before to my brother too. May have actually told him but I'm unsure.

Why would she do this? Am I wrong to feel aggrieved about this?
Thanks
Confused and angry bloke

OP posts:
K8Middleton · 02/03/2014 12:14

I really don't see how answering a question during a silly game is attention seeking. She didn't ask the questions did she?

I cannot see why she should lie. Some of you people have issues. What does it matter what other people get up to in private?

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 02/03/2014 12:14

Why should she lie? Confused why should she not have answered? Confused why is it your business? Confused

I have never asked a partner for their 'number' and i have never been asked for mine. Its my business- it doesnt become property of the relationship when i get into one.

Goblinchild · 02/03/2014 12:16

You need to tell her how you feel though, do you think she'll be surprised about how upset you are? Or understand why?

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 12:16

Neither do I K8

CailinDana · 02/03/2014 12:17

Have you told her what other parts of her life she needs to lie about? Perhaps you should give her a list.

BackOnlyBriefly · 02/03/2014 12:18

I think it's been covered pretty well, but I can give you another man's opinion if it helps. In case you are thinking that's it's just women sticking up for another woman.

I'm quite a bit older than you are and probably brought up a bit old fashioned. When I was younger I might have felt a little uncomfortable about it being said to virtual strangers, but even then I'd have realised I was being daft. There's no real stigma attached to that now and nor should there be.

Ask yourself if you ever turned down the chance of sex when you were young and single on the grounds that you'd already had too many different partners. Why should a woman be any different?

Some of your feeling might be down to a little insecurity, but she's been with you for 7 years. It's not like you are just number 111 out of a greater number. You are the one she wanted to keep.

Birdsgottafly · 02/03/2014 12:18

Vivian, you seriously need to rethink things.

Unless you think old people don't have /want sex.

As said I found my life partner, then I was happily single.

I have just come out if a sux year relationship because if his unreasonable behaviour.

I plan on staying single for a while, this will involve sex.

I plan on being sexually active until I die, I may or may not find a life partner again.

This is why Emerdale has just ran the story about Vsl being HIV positive, because older people who no longer risk pregnancy and haven't been used to condoms don't think about them.

Most women that I know have more sex once their marriage has ended to the person that they had their children with.

It no longer is an either/or type if person.

K8Middleton · 02/03/2014 12:20

It's the whole slut thing isn't it? Op doesn't want people thinking his partner is a slut despite that being outdated and patriarchal bull shit.

Come into the 21st century Pluto...

shakinstevenslovechild · 02/03/2014 12:20

Even if others do judge her, what difference will it make to your life exactly?

I have friends who have had one partner and friends who have had hundreds of partners, I rarely even think about it, it doesn't change how I treat them on a day to day basis, and it doesn't make me think more or less of their partners, and if it did that would make me a shit friend.

mercibucket · 02/03/2014 12:20

who are you worried about - her or you? (genuine q). she might not see any of them again - who cares if they judged her?

fwiw i find '110' an odd response for anyone and probably would wonder why they kept count. i prob would make some assumptions as well, man or woman who said that, but not 'slag'.

hickorychicken · 02/03/2014 12:21

If i started a thread asking peoples "numbers" i would be called alsorts! I dont think its something people should discuss with other people if im honest its a bit weird....

K8Middleton · 02/03/2014 12:22

Hickory there have been threads asking that before

Lepidina · 02/03/2014 12:23

I think you have a point.

I'm afraid I'd think it was inappropriate and over sharing to discuss. But that's just how I'd feel personally and I wouldn't dream of discussing that sort of thing with anybody other than very close and trusted friends.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 12:24

Birds (hug)
I would be exactly the same if god forbid, the worst happened Hmm
I love sex, beats the gym hands down and as I am a responsible person, would ensure my sexual health was paramount. I am also extremely picky, so I doubt if I'd ever find another life partner and I'd be OK with that.
Anyone who decided to judge me as a person on my enjoyment of sex thereafter could FTF off.

Lepidina · 02/03/2014 12:25

I'd judge a man or woman absolutely equally who had such a history. I'd also find it off putting in a partner.

K8Middleton · 02/03/2014 12:26

Lepidinia I'd judge you for judging.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 12:28

I'd laugh and file you under "fool".

VivianStanshall · 02/03/2014 12:28

Birdsgottafly you're happy as you are and so am I.

I haven't said anything's wrong about it, just different. Whilst there is the occasional case of opposites attract I generally like women who are similar to me in the important things and this is one of those important things.

hickorychicken · 02/03/2014 12:30

Its not the number at all that would bother me, but surely sex is private between 2 people and not the world and his wife?

Sparklyboots · 02/03/2014 12:31

I think the problem is you want people to support your view that your DP should report a sexual past that you approve of. I don't think she needs your approval in this, I think your assertion that it's embarrassing or shameful for you is dodgy because it communicates an extent to which you regard who she is a prop to your own self image rather than a person in her own right. In this sense, your attitude sounds sexist because it is reminiscent of a belief system where a women's value is related to her as a wife/ mother rather than a subject in her own right.

Lepidina · 02/03/2014 12:32

I think that would make you a hypocrite, K8 (I'd also judge you for text speak Grin)

chocolatemademefat · 02/03/2014 12:33

I can see why you would care. No matter what all the even minded posters on here say about 'so what' - real life isnt like that. It should be but its not. People are now more secretive about their finances than their sex lives. Too much information - how would she have felt if you had been the one to tell people she'd had 110 partners before you. I feel sad for you.

lottieandmia · 02/03/2014 12:34

Yes you are wrong and this is your problem, not hers. It's none of your business how many sexual partners she had before she even met you. I would be livid if someone I had a relationship with judged my sexual history. I think this says more about you than her.

K8Middleton · 02/03/2014 12:35

I think you need to look up the word "hypocrite" so you can use it correctly.

Hth.

D0oinMeCleanin · 02/03/2014 12:36

The only thing I find odd about the number 110, is that she remembers the number. Most of my long term single friends (eg not the ones who met their first love in school or jump from one long term relationship to the next with barely enough time to change their bed sheets in between) lost count years ago and will happily admit so.

Although I suppose she could be guestimating, that makes more sense.

Either way, it's your issue. Not hers. There is nothing wrong with a single woman enjoying sex with whomever she chooses, so long as it is consensual.

I would only judge if she went around boasting about her conquests to anyone willing -or not willing- to listen. I find that childish and it smacks of low self esteem. Answering a question with the truth when you are asked is normal.

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