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Original poster

My partner told friends that she has had 110 partners last night

526 replies

Plutorover · 02/03/2014 09:47

My partner of 7 years who is 40 told some friends that she had slept with approximately 110 men in the past. I did know this, but feel angry that she decided to tell others. It was at a school reunion do that I was not at. The question was specifically asked in a finding out game. I don't understand why she didn't tell them to mind their own business or lie.

She has hinted at it before to my brother too. May have actually told him but I'm unsure.

Why would she do this? Am I wrong to feel aggrieved about this?
Thanks
Confused and angry bloke

OP posts:
YouAreTalkingRubbish · 02/03/2014 20:30

Do 40 year olds really play 'truth' games. Don't you grow out of that type of thing by, umm, 14. I think I lead a sheltered life. Confused

I think it is wrong for a woman OR a man to tell people in a small community that they have slept with a lot of people if they have kids . I bet no one will forget that bit of information because it's the type of interesting gossipy snippet that is easy to remember. It's the type of thing that might get back to the kids one day.

frumpet · 02/03/2014 20:31

Honestly crowler i have never had that discussion with my DH , he could have slept with thousands for all i know or care . We did have the how we slept with people discussion at the beginning , re safe sex / std's. But if he had turned around and said he had slept with 300 women previous to me , i can honestly hand on heart say it would not have changed how i felt about him as a person . I was suprised how young he was when he started but then i was very much a late developer .

MeepMeepVrooom · 02/03/2014 20:31

I don't really get the low self esteem argument.

Ok some people in that position may have but is it not possibly that the OPs partner just liked sex but didn't want a relationship Confused

Daykin · 02/03/2014 20:31

i think it's OK to think 110 is too many for anyone. I don't think it's OK to pretend your OK about for 7 years and then tell them that you are ashamed and angry about it and tell them to lie.

I think disclosing things about your current sex life is different from revealing your sexual history. I wouldn't particularly like it if DH told his mates how many partners I'd had or how often we do it and how but 'how many partners have you had?' is along the lines of 'when did you lose your virginity?'. It's specific to the person being asked and its theirs to tell, or not if they so choose.

BillyBanter · 02/03/2014 20:32

It can be that, especially during the younger drunker more clubby years, but not necessarily so.

Do people think men have low self-esteem if they have had 110 partners?

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/03/2014 20:32

Do people really count though? I feel that's a little undignified.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 02/03/2014 20:34

i think its not my damn business to say , decide or judge how many is too many for other people, regardless of gender and i'd hit the roof at anyone who attempted to appoint themselves judge of how many was MY acceptable number.

Troglodad · 02/03/2014 20:34

I would not be boasting about my sexual history or in any other way disclosing it to acquaintances of my DP. Would any of you?

Even the fact that the question came up would be unlikely. How the heck is it even coming up? No, this person is stirring, surely.

VivianStanshall · 02/03/2014 20:34

I think you've missed the last fifty years Major ! Grin

Men and women can do what they want, it's fine. I have friends of both sexes who sleep around a lot, it doesn't worry me.

It's also fine for somebody not to want a relationship with them because of their high number of partners. So none of those particular friends will become my girlfriend. I have a choice too.

motherinferior · 02/03/2014 20:35

Look, she's had lots of sex. Maybe with men, maybe with women, maybe with groups of men/women (that'll bump the numbers up). So what?

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/03/2014 20:35

I WILL count, then ring DH family, tell them, and then tell any random who asks.
If DH asks why I'm doing that, I'll shout at him that he's a fucking hypocrite and trying to shame me.

waltermittymissus · 02/03/2014 20:36

I can almost guarantee that a man who has had 100+ sexual partners wouldn't be judged as having low self-esteem or being pathetic etc.

Because the people who have to give a 'reason' as to why a woman would have that many sexual partners tend to be of the same ilk as people who have the 'boys will be boys' outlook on life.

Just in my experience.

Coldlightofday · 02/03/2014 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 02/03/2014 20:39

I wouldnt , no. Its nobodys bloody business.
But my god i wouldnt expect to be told i ought to lie in order to hide my shameful secret and id have a lot to say if my husband took to a forum i frequented hoping to fill a thread with people agreeing that yes i was a ditry whore and i should hide it for the good of the family reputation

Troglodad · 02/03/2014 20:39

Lol, what should I "do one" for? The OP asked for thoughts, I gave my (not particularly controversial) thoughts as people were mentioning a dearth of male opinions. If they don't please you that's purely incidental tbh - that wasn't really the aim.

LimeLelloLizard · 02/03/2014 20:40

It is up to her who she sleeps with, but fwiw 110 does seem like more than average and it does seem a bit odd to share such personal information with people you don't know well (whether it is 1 partner or 10 or 100 that you've slept with).

OP YANBU.

Jengnr · 02/03/2014 20:41

Oooh OP, you're just the worst kind of cunt aren't you? The 'man' who thinks he has 'rescued' that poor fallen woman. And this she ought to be eternally grateful to him for deigning to grace her with his presence.

Fuck that!

You're a nasty piece of work (as displayed by you coming onto a forum you know she frequents, posting a situation you know she would identify with, discussing something she shared and hoping that everyone would side with you)

I asked my husband too. Not for a 'male opinion' I just wanted to make sure he passed the cunt test. He asked how many of the 110 were after the OP? :) If none what was he bothered about?

My husband passed. I hope your partner finds 111

motherinferior · 02/03/2014 20:41

Look, she's had lots of sex. Maybe with men, maybe with women, maybe with groups of men/women (that'll bump the numbers up). So what?

Crowler · 02/03/2014 20:42

I can almost guarantee that a man who has had 100+ sexual partners wouldn't be judged as having low self-esteem or being pathetic etc.

I would not choose to be with someone who had that many sexual partners, or at least it would be a topic that I'd need to discuss. Like I've said, I think it's fine/normal to have a lot of sex and even one night stands are OK in extreme moderation (if you can control for safety issues) but there's something pathetic about 100+.

BackOnlyBriefly · 02/03/2014 20:42

Well as now half of our little town will know this history

she has not seen these people for years they are not her friends but old school mates most not seen for decades.

OP are you getting your story mixed up?

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/03/2014 20:43

I asked DH what he thought, he said, "Who counts?"

Hooray, I am on the same wavelength as him at least.

Really, don't most people lose count after 10?

Coldlightofday · 02/03/2014 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Troglodad · 02/03/2014 20:46

motherinferior it's not this woman's sexual history (real or imagined) which would bother me - we all as adults have one of those and plainly the OP has stayed with her... it's spreading stuff which might give rise to gossip/scandal around your acquaintances in a village that would seem likely to cause drama.

If I did this at eg: my local church or playgroup and it started filtering back to Troglomum I would (rightly) be posted about on MN for it and (rightly) roasted, I suspect.

Jengnr · 02/03/2014 20:48

motherinferior she hasn't necessarily had loads of sex. She might have had 110 one night stands.

A couple who get together as virgins then shag every day for a year will have had over three times as much sex.

Troglodad · 02/03/2014 20:48

Cold we live in a free society, and you are perfectly entitled to have a point of view that doesn't seem like arrant bollocks to you. As am I. :)