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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My partner told friends that she has had 110 partners last night

526 replies

Plutorover · 02/03/2014 09:47

My partner of 7 years who is 40 told some friends that she had slept with approximately 110 men in the past. I did know this, but feel angry that she decided to tell others. It was at a school reunion do that I was not at. The question was specifically asked in a finding out game. I don't understand why she didn't tell them to mind their own business or lie.

She has hinted at it before to my brother too. May have actually told him but I'm unsure.

Why would she do this? Am I wrong to feel aggrieved about this?
Thanks
Confused and angry bloke

OP posts:

waltermittymissus · 02/03/2014 14:54

You have asked on AIBU. There may have been a different reaction if you had posted on relationships.

I doubt it. I'm sure people would still want to know what his problem is, exactly.

He keeps saying he wonders why she said it but a lot of posters are wondering why he feels like she shouldn't have said it.

That would be just as true on any board. He's being asked questions he's not giving answers to so how can anyone really comment/advise/opine?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/03/2014 14:59

nobody likes someone because they have slept around. Who has ever said phwoor, that bloke's a bit of alright. He's pug ugly and has the IQ of a small piece of cheese but he's shagged twelve hundred and seventy two people, I got to get me some of that.. Marry me big boy

It appears to work for Russell Brand!

BIWI · 02/03/2014 15:01

But, but, but ...

"Why say anything at all what is the upside? It is a large number and regardless of how many mumsneters and many others feel is is a non issue, it is an issue to many. I am perfectly ok with it.
The question I ask is WHY say it at all? Why not refuse to answer or tell a white lie?"

Sorry you're clearly not happy with it are you? Otherwise why ask this question? And why on earth should she lie about it? White lie or otherwise. The only reason you would want her to lie would be that you are embarrassed and/or ashamed of her/her confession.

K8Middleton · 02/03/2014 15:02

Of course the people she was with may have thought she was lying or joking.

Not that it really matters does it. It only matters if you think people should not have multiple sexual partners, something that is not illegal.

waltermittymissus · 02/03/2014 15:14

And actually, you keep saying you don't have a problem with it, but people have a problem with it...

How could you possibly know that other people have a problem with it? All of her old school friends could be like the majority on here and think so what!

shakethetree · 02/03/2014 15:25

Russell Brand is good looking, funny, & reasonably intelligent - plus he's famous so of course he'll have 100's of sexual partners.

Back to the point, people do judge, that's human nature - look at George Michael & the policeman in the toilet, plus Hugh Grant & the $5 sex worker, people will always remember those incidences & make judgements, even if it's just rolling their eyes & laughing. Sex is one of the most fascinating subjects to most of us, so like it or not, your partner admitting they've had 110 sexual partners will be news - small community or not.

kc77 · 02/03/2014 15:26

I would find it difficult not to judge tbh, I would assume she had very low standards (they can't all have been lovely), low self esteem and very little self respect. I asked my dp for a male perspective, his view was that she would probably be getting a lot of offers as people will now assume she is 'easy', sorry op, probably not what you want to hear but people will remember this and tell their partners, friends etc, not really what you want in a small village.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 15:31

What a catch you have there

waltermittymissus · 02/03/2014 15:36

kc your 'd'p sounds like an utter twat.

sashh · 02/03/2014 15:38

The question I ask is WHY say it at all? Why not refuse to answer or tell a white lie?

Why would you not say it? Someone asks a question why shouldn't she answer it.

Oh and as for other people talking / gossiping - they are probably going to say you must be good in the sack because she is faithful to you.

kc77 · 02/03/2014 15:43

My dp is absolutely lovely actually. He made a very good point that to some people the op's partner would seem easy and so may get unwanted attention, I don't see how this makes him a twat?!

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 15:43

No, I don't suppose you do. How sad.

kc77 · 02/03/2014 15:47

Odfod

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 15:48

TetrisBlock · 02/03/2014 15:48

People are probably thinking she is too much of a handful for you and will be bored soon..

Or maybe they will think you are an enormous stud who has finally managed to tame her.

I doubt anyone would care too much op. Once you get past the age of about 17, nobody is really interested.

waltermittymissus · 02/03/2014 15:49

his view was that she would probably be getting a lot of offers as people will now assume she is easy

Yeah, he sounds lovely. What does "easy" mean anyway?

Easy to sleep with?

Is that a bad thing?

Someone who targets an 'easy' woman just because she has a vagina that he views as more available, without knowing anything about her bar her sexual history is a Grade A wanker.

And someone whose first thoughts are along those lines is a Grade A wanker too.

K8Middleton · 02/03/2014 15:50

Oh Christ. Will someone draw a picture?

Who does a good Neanderthal?

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 02/03/2014 16:02

Hmm. That would be rich and famous russel brand, right?

Yeah. I dont think the number of notches on his bedpost are a result of his previous notches. Do you? Really? You cant think of another possibility?
Famous people generally do very well in that department and its nothing to do with people liking the number of previous lovers theyve had.

gamerchick · 02/03/2014 16:04

kc77 you are aware that that says a lot about your blokes view of woman don't you.. if that was his first thought?

gamerchick · 02/03/2014 16:05

*already been said.. carry on.

TetrisBlock · 02/03/2014 16:06

Men with madonna / whore complexes often don't make faithful husbands ime.

ohnotagainagain · 02/03/2014 16:07

Russell Brand is good looking, funny, & reasonably intelligent REALLY? OP that tells you the sheer quality of the responses to your post.

I agree that if you had posted in relationships there would have been different responses.

This post has mainly attracted people defending women's rights to shag whomever they want which they do have but your post was of a more sensitive nature regarding the small village situation, and the handling of your feelings towards the public revelation. AIBU wasn't perhaps the best place to start .

shakethetree · 02/03/2014 16:10

I've just asked my dh about this - he says he wouldn't have a problem with it all & that what she did in the past is her business, he'd only be concerned about their future.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 16:11

Now there's a keeper

waltermittymissus · 02/03/2014 16:13

shake your dh passes with a gold star!

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