to think people are selfish to not go to a wedding if it's adults only?

[Birdo83]

Just read another thread where several members said they would refuse to go to a wedding if their children weren't invited. Not for child care reasons but just cause they thought it wasn't right.

Space at weddings are limited what with both peoples friends and family. Are people really expecting some of the bride or grooms friends or family not to attend THEIR wedding so people's kids can take up all the seats? Our wedding was adults only because of course I wanted to prioritise my loved ones over other peoples children who, on the whole, don't mean so much to me. I'd have to have turned several of my closest friends if I'd let everyone bring all their children which I'd hate to do.

It's also worrying how many people can't seem to enjoy themselves without their kids. Ditto people who refuse to go to parties that our adults only. Very odd.

I mean as a made up excuse cause they find weddings "boring"

Anyone who used childcare as an excuse wouldn't be a friend of mine but thankfully the ones who couldn't make it had acceptable reasons they couldn't make it

I mean as a made up excuse cause they find weddings "boring" Gosh, MN really needs an edit button.

Anyone who used childcare as an excuse wouldn't be a friend of mine but thankfully the ones who couldn't make it had acceptable reasons they couldn't make it.

What is an acceptable excuse for you then?

acceptable reasons

Was this like school with authorised and unauthorised absences?

TBH I am not sure if I would want to be friends with someone who felt they had the right to judge the worthiness of my reason for not attending their event.

I find it a bit sad that culturally this country seems to be moving more and more towards the view that weddings must be stylish, stage managed, expensive and child free events, and so the guest lists get reduced accordingly.

I think we should be looking towards those cultures that see them as much more inclusive events, the ones that book a space, get people to bring food and drink and just have fun together. We can't seem to do that, it doesn't fit the image that has grown of what a beautiful wedding should look like.

The pursuit of style costs so much money that the heart of the event - an inclusive celebration that brings people together to have fun and celebrate the cycles of life - is really in danger of being lost. Why have more guests if it means you don't get to rock up at the church in a Bentley? Except a Bentley won't laugh, sing or add anything to the atmosphere of joy during the day.

Each to their own I guess but as a country I think we're getting this one wrong.

acceptable reasons

Was this like school with authorised and unauthorised absences?

TBH I am not sure if I would want to be friends with someone who felt they had the right to judge the worthiness of my reason for not attending their event.

Many posters in here have said they LIE about getting childcare as to not attend a "boring" wedding. Not sure I'd want to be friends with people like that. Of course one should be wary of so-called 'friends' of this nature. When you get married you can see people's true colours.

Next thing we'll see 'lists of acceptable excuses' included with the invites, with the silly poems, gift lists, colour scheme outline and bank account details.

'When you get married you can see peoples true colours'

Absolutely delicious irony there OP

Anyone who used childcare as an excuse wouldn't be a friend of mine but thankfully the ones who couldn't make it had acceptable reasons they couldn't make it.

Anyone who didn't understand that my children are my priority or that their wedding was the be all and end all of my life wouldn't be a friend of mine.

I would most likely refuse as if I was arranging childcare then there are other things I would far rather do than go to a boring

TBH this is how I feel about it, if it were a member of my family who did not want my children, i.e. their relatives at their wedding I would refuse to go even if I had childcare. Because I would feel hurt for them. If it were a friend of mine then that is different. I would be going alone and hitting the bar without DH and kids to worry about.

In our extended family at least the children grow up and are actively encouraged to spend time with old aunts and uncles, grandparents etc, doing chores for them generally looking out for each other. So yes my little toddler and baby might create at the wedding, until I swoop them out of earshot, but these children will grow up and be the next generation of our family, they will be the ones helping you with your shopping, and coming to visit you, and being there for you, like the adults are being there for each other now.

I just don't get how you can develop a strong family bond like that without involving children at major family events. But I have to say in my family a no child policy is unlikely to happen, so maybe that is irrelevant where no such tight-knitted bond exists.

Does anyone watch Four Weddings?

I watched an episode the other day where it seemed like the adults were out numbered by the children.
All 3 other brides were saying that they liked and invited children to their own weddings but because there were so many at this particular one, they didn't enjoy it.

While eating their food, they were surrounded by other peoples children. The children were climbing all over the chairs and tables etc.

It changes the dynamic of a party. Being surrounded by too many children, you have to be careful what you say and do.

I would want to just relax and have an adult conversation with other adults.

But it seems I'm in the minority.....

*was not, obviously

I haven't seen anyone say they couldn't possibly leave their children- I have seen some say they don't want to because they have never left their children overnight before. Assuming their children aren't 16 & 17 (NT) I don't see the problem really. I have seen people get pissed off when ONE child isn't invited while their siblings are - but again I think that's fair enough (& WTF were the B&G thinking?). Have also seen people get pushed off when their children aren't invited to wedding or reception but expected to be there for photos - or when B&G keep changing their minds. Again all fair IMO.

Otherwise people tend to decide whether or not it's wort the hassle. You seem to be suggesting people should always rearrange their lives to attend a wedding - not going to happen I'm afraid. Obviously depends on who is getting married, where, cost, what the kids have on. I know I'd almost certainly turn down a wedding abroad (don't have a passport for starters so that's £££'s in top) as we don't have the budget to go abroad for a wedding. Doesn't mean I don't like the couple - just means we can't do it.

I do see where you're coming from OP I just don't agree with it IYSWIM.

Couples can decide what wedding they like and people can decide whether to go or not for whatever reason they deem fit whether anyone finds it reasonable or not - personal choice.

think it boils down to what you find enjoyable/how close you are to couple/what sacrificies you're willing to see as reasonable/other commitments.

Some people see weddings as important for the union, seeing family, sharing stories and celebrating connections and shared lives together - so children are an integral part of it and if it was an immediate family member I can see why a child not being invited would be hurtful

Some see weddings as adult only,lush food, lots of wine, expensive surroundings, fine attire, posh dresses and bride centric affair - not a place for children.

horses for courses and all that. But Yabu for judging peoples priories.

I'll do pretty much anything to get out of any wedding anyway so one stating no children are invited is ideal for me!

Should I ever get married however I won't entertain the idea of not inviting children, they are part of one of our friend/families family. I'll invite them and leave it up to the parents to decide if they want to bring them. I won't be offended or upset if they chose not to attend for any reason.

I'll always prioritise family time over any occasion and I don't care what you or anyone thinks about that.

When you get married you can see people's true colours.

Yes you do. And you've shown yours.

YABU - it's not selfish of them to refuse to attend if their children aren't invited, it's their choice. Just as it's the choice of the B&G to have no children because they want to invite friends whom they'd otherwise have to exclude to cater for all these children.

CHOICE is the key here - just as it's anyone's choice to go to a wedding or no - it's an invitation, not a bloody Royal Summons.

YABVU.

Being a wedding guest is expensive, some people would prefer to spend what money they have on enjoying things as a family rather than as a couple, and that's a perfectly valid choice.

Personally, I like child free weddings, or weddings where it's family children only so that there aren't enough children to take over the dance floor. But I actually think it's incredibly selfish to think that people are selfish for declining an invitation.

It's also much more selfish to invite people to a wedding without their partners or without a plus one. People do that to save on their costs but it means more expense and often less enjoyment for guests.

If the bride and groom wish to have no children at their wedding then totally their choice and It wouldn't bother me at all.

Yes I find it really odd when people feel very entitled and expect to take their brood and get all offended if they can't.

I'm off to a wedding this year.... no children invited....havn't even given it a second thought. Other than asking my parents to have our little one overnight as they rarely ever do....

I find it very odd and wonder how such people coped before they had children. It's like some people forget how to enjoy time just as a couple (or in their own company) when they become mother or father. Don't lose touch with your identity or you'll be miserable as hell and won't know who you are when your kids move out etc.

Before I had children I worked 40/50/60 hours a week and had all the rest of the time to myself to do exactly as I liked. I partied, socialised and went to weddings. When my children have left home I will, god willing, be able to do this again. For these very few years that my children need me I choose to spend my spare time (much less than I used to have despite only working 32 hours now) with them. I don't go to child free weddings. I don't make a fuss but it is my right to choose.

I don't understand what happens to kids at a wedding reception - mine didn't start til 6, we sat down for dinner at 8 - most kids are in bed by then so it would have been pointless to have them. We arranged a crèche.

The thing that always jars me about these sorts of threads is how much mners hate weddings, eg

Here's a hint OP - People may be perfectly happy to have child free time, but the idea of sitting around for hours smiling at you in a frou-frou dress while you ponce around making comments about your "special day" may not be their own personal choice of a good time.

Wtaf? As someone said, you lot clearly need new friends. I can't imagine anything Id rather do than see a good friend make an important lifetime commitment - regardless of whether I had my beautiful dc. And quite frankly I would have rather my friends who really felt like that didn't turn up at all; id want people who supported me and understood the importance of the commitment.

YABU

Nobody is under any obligation to attend another persons wedding. It's not that easy (or cheap) for people to arrange whole day childcare, even worse for two days and an overnight

Bride and groom are free to suit themselves: big wedding/small wedding/children allowed/overseas etc Guests are entitled to accept/decline as they see fit.

Any event the same surely? We've just been invited to a family christening - along with the kids. I'd quite like to have gone but it's a weekend that clashes with ds2 performing, ds2 having an exam & ds1 not being in respite. When I thought ds1 was in respite & had forgotten ds2 has an exam I thought about going with ds3. Then my parents asked me to have their dog so they could go & I gave up on the idea. Sometimes things are just hard to organise.

You see, using terms like 'precious little darlings' and 'joined at the hip' wins no arguments - it just gives people the rage.

I regret not having children at my wedding 10 years ago. It was a smallish wedding. I only had my two dn's as bridesmaids. I got some fantastic photos but I think they were bored, bless them. I thought our wedding was the best ever at the time (or course).

Fast forward 2 years and we were invited to a close friends wedding with our 18 month old. It was a super stylish wedding that embraced all children. It genuinely was the best, warmest and enjoyable wedding we've ever been to. The bride and groom got it so right.