to think people are selfish to not go to a wedding if it's adults only?

[Birdo83]

Just read another thread where several members said they would refuse to go to a wedding if their children weren't invited. Not for child care reasons but just cause they thought it wasn't right.

Space at weddings are limited what with both peoples friends and family. Are people really expecting some of the bride or grooms friends or family not to attend THEIR wedding so people's kids can take up all the seats? Our wedding was adults only because of course I wanted to prioritise my loved ones over other peoples children who, on the whole, don't mean so much to me. I'd have to have turned several of my closest friends if I'd let everyone bring all their children which I'd hate to do.

It's also worrying how many people can't seem to enjoy themselves without their kids. Ditto people who refuse to go to parties that our adults only. Very odd.

I've been invited to 5 weddings tho

If you cared about your friend you should want to see them happy and be a part of it all and make the effort. They are getting married, it's not just a catchup for coffee for gods sake!

Anyone who used childcare as an excuse wouldn't be a friend of mine but thankfully the ones who couldn't make it had acceptable reasons they couldn't make it.

So you rate your friends according to who has the most 'acceptable' (to you) reason to decline? My, you sound like a lovely friend!

Personally none of my friends would see a wedding as some sort of test of our friendship or how much I cared about them, and if I declined, for whatever reason, would not judge me. You seem to be quite a demanding friend, TBH.

Wtaf? As someone said, you lot clearly need new friends. I can't imagine anything Id rather do than see a good friend make an important lifetime commitment - regardless of whether I had my beautiful dc.

A "friend" who couldn't understand the difficulties some may face in attending a wedding without their children, whether it be because of lack of care, cost of care, cost of attending, or any other reason, is not much of a friend anyway. I would hope that a real friend would try and discuss a way to facilitiate attendance if their presence was so important to them in the first place.

I had a child free wedding!

DH and I both work with children, see them everyday. So we wanted just one child free day. We told our friends with kids way in advance. No one declined. Maybe it helped that we didn't have out wedding miles away.

Now I have a DS and am perfectly capable going to a wedding without him. I'm not offended if he's not invited and I'm aware that having a day with grandparents is far more exciting than being made to be quiet and sit down. I don't have local childcare either.

I do wonder why some couples can't seem to survive without their kids for a day. I adore my DS but I fully admit going to a wedding without him is a lot easier. I can chat to my friends, I don't have to leave early. We don't have much family time either but actually it's good for me and DH to spend a day as a couple occasionally.

Wtaf? As someone said, you lot clearly need new friends. I can't imagine anything Id rather do than see a good friend make an important lifetime commitment - regardless of whether I had my beautiful dc. And quite frankly I would have rather my friends who really felt like that didn't turn up at all; id want people who supported me and understood the importance of the commitment.

Thank you! Some of the anti-wedding comments come across very bitter. A proper friend would be excited for their friends happiness, not dread the idea of going! With friends like some of the posters here who needs enemies.

Getting married (as a big show offy party thing, rather than going just as two of you to a register office) is selfish- not necessarily in a bad way, but it is an action which is solely about those two people, and their demand for approval and validation of their relationship from everyone else, it's not some kind of philanthropic action as Tories would have you believe. From that starting point, it's hypocritical to object to anyone else being selfish, though I think not having an on-tap nanny to look after your kids is probably the lesser selfishness.

People unfortunately get wedding goggles. My best friend from university got married two weeks after I had given birth to DS1. I was breast feeding. It was 165 miles away and clearly an overnight stay.

I asked if I could take DS, she said no because then she'd have to let others take their children so we didn't go.

She didn't speak to me for 18 months.

I don't have a problem with child free weddings, in fact I sigh when they are invited - because especially in the evening makes it all much more stressful for me. At a recent family wedding I took dd and ds1 but left ds2 at home with a babysitter. I figured he was too young to remember it and I'd rather not have the hassle of looking after him!

Blimey quite worrying reading this thread.... a view that the bride and groom should 'facilitate' care for your children if they want you there.

Just wow

Blimey quite worrying reading this thread.... a view that the bride and groom should 'facilitate' care for your children if they want you there.

Just wow

I think most people are missing the point of the OP.

It's not because of childcare issues, money or distance etc.

It's the people who are offended and decline just because their DC are not invited when they're not close family.

Even I got that and I'm not the brightest spark......

It's not selfish to not go. But the bridge and groom have to accept that they're really not that bothered about seeing them get married, and it's rude of the bride and groom to assume that because they don't want to attend the wedding (and a lot of people don't enjoy weddings much especially over the other options that can cost the same) they are not a good friend.

Sorry OP but weddings are incredibly boring no matter how much you love the person.
I am married so had my own, that was boring too.

I've been invited to three weddings this year. One is when I'll be 38 weeks pregnant and will require two nights away from my 2yo. One is in Belfast (we're in Scotland) when the baby will be about 10 weeks old and will require approx a week away as DH is in the bridal party. The third is definitely inviting children, when the baby will be about 6mo and DS almost 3.

As it happens we have grandparents that have recently moved to be near us so could leave the toddler with them for a weekend, but until the move they lived several hundred miles away, who were we meant to leave him with for a whole weekend? And what am I meant to do with my 10 week old while hundreds of miles away (via a plane or ferry) from home? Fortunately our friends are understanding and we're not being blacklisted for not attending the first and the children are invited to the second.

A proper friend would be excited for their friends happiness, not dread the idea of going! With friends like some of the posters here who needs enemies.

A proper friend would accept if people could not come to their wedding, not bitch about them on MN. With friends like some of the posters on here who needs enemies?

That's it isn't it?

Some people expect the B&G to spend hundreds more on food and entertainment and a bigger venue just to accommodate children when quite often there is no need. It's just because they think their children should be invited to a wedding.

The mind boggles, it really does.

I'll try that again. I've been invited to 5 weddings this year, 4 of which are child-free. I'm going to none of them. For starters three of them are hundreds of miles away (one is on another continent), so necessitates at least a two night stay away. My DD is only 2, I'm not comfortable leaving her alone that long. Not to mention the fact that two of them would cost us several hundred pounds (each) to attend.

One of these is a family wedding, so all of the people I'd feel comfortable leaving DD with overnight will be at the wedding - and tbh the bride has pissed off most of her family by having a "child-free" wedding in the first place, as almost all of her close relatives have young children (oldest will be 4), so she's made it very difficult for her family to be there in order to have more of her friends there.

Of the two which are local, one is a few days after my due date, and tbf the bride and groom are absolutely fine with my not coming on that grounds that I'll either be in labour, about to go into labour, or recovering from labour. The other, however, is about a month after my due date, and while I'd be quite happy leaving my toddler, the B&G can't get their heads round why I'm not comfortable leaving a four week old, probably EBF baby with a babysitter for a day and an evening.

I care about all these people. But I'm always going to care about my children more.

My FRIENDS understand that the path to having my DD was a long and painful one. My friends know that I choose to spend my free time with her. My friends accept that the way I am is my choice, a valid choice, and one I am perfectly reasonable to make.

My FRIENDS wouldn't make me choose between them and her, and know that if they did, they'd be the ones I'd ditch - because they would not longer be friends.

My FRIENDS don't judge me, my decisions or my 'acceptable reasons'. They are my friends.

But the bridge and groom have to accept that they're really not that bothered about seeing them get married

Friend of the year right here!

"I think most people are missing the point of the OP.

It's not because of childcare issues, money or distance etc.

It's the people who are offended and decline just because their DC are not invited when they're not close family.

Even I got that and I'm not the brightest spark......"

Yes Hotdog, they are aren't they? All this agonising about childcare has nothing to do with the original post from Op.

That says "NOT for childcare reasons... but just because they thought it wasn't right."

A few hours away from children at a wedding is hardly asking a mother to choose between friendship and their child is it? Honestly, drama or what?

Yes people have missed the point completely!

It's also strange that some people won't go anywhere without their partner, even if other partners will not be there.

Sorry if that's been mentioned. Now I'll go RTFT

:o