to think people are selfish to not go to a wedding if it's adults only?

[Birdo83]

Just read another thread where several members said they would refuse to go to a wedding if their children weren't invited. Not for child care reasons but just cause they thought it wasn't right.

Space at weddings are limited what with both peoples friends and family. Are people really expecting some of the bride or grooms friends or family not to attend THEIR wedding so people's kids can take up all the seats? Our wedding was adults only because of course I wanted to prioritise my loved ones over other peoples children who, on the whole, don't mean so much to me. I'd have to have turned several of my closest friends if I'd let everyone bring all their children which I'd hate to do.

It's also worrying how many people can't seem to enjoy themselves without their kids. Ditto people who refuse to go to parties that our adults only. Very odd.

I don't want you to say anything, Saintly. I just pointed out that something of which you had no personal knowledge, had happened to a friend of mine. I didn't expect a dissection of all details, I should have known better of course.

And I was just wondering whether there was another side to the story, rather than assuming that the friend with small baby was wrong. I know someone who was irritated because her children were left out of the church service but invited to the rest - and in her case I think she was entirely right to be irritated - given the specific set of circumstances. B&G presumably didn't see it that way.

Weddings are boring. Any excuse not to go is fine by me.

True
Weddingsare boring.

If I said i wasn't attending because I'm spending time with the children then I wouldn't see it as trying to get them invites, just me giving my reason. I wouldn't lie and say I had another party. I might just decline and wish them well and give no reason. If I'm invited to various other occasions and have the kids that weekend I'd say I had the kids so no, not really sure why weddings should require a special etiquette where you lie to people and the couple can't accept that other peoples lives don't revolve around them.

It is perfectly acceptable to decline any formal invitation (including one from Buckingham Palace) with the words "X and Y regret they are unable to attend" or possibly "deeply regret they are unable to attend."

Those issuing the invitation should not be offended at this.
Questioning someone as to why they have declined is very very rude.

You do not have to give a reason - although a standard one that is used is "due to a prior engagement..." (hence Oscar Wilde's very rude declining an invitation with "due to a subsequent engagement" which was intended to be offensive).

Also, weddings have this built in bit where the telegrams and cards from those who could not attend are read out, and you can also still send a present...therefore whoever designed wedding etiquette all those years ago knew some invitees would not be able to attend.

I have declined a wedding invite on child related grounds - friends of DH decided to get married in a Welsh slate mine/quarry, which would have included going 200ft underground in a small wire cage lift thing and standing in the near darkness in a cold cave.
I did not want to do this with a 2 year old. Actually, I didn't want to do this AT ALL. DH wasn't that keen either - so we sent a card and present.
Strangely we were not the only guests who declined that one.

If anyone hosts a party that puts restrictions on guests including childcare, dress, travelling, being in a cave etc they have to accept that some people won't want to attend for comfort/enjoyment or can't attend due to physical restrictions/cost.

Also, if anyone said "you don't want to me there for my SPECIAL DAY", I would tell them not to be so silly.

Also, if anyone said "you don't want to me there for my SPECIAL DAY", I would tell them not to be so silly

That is a far more polite version of what I would think!

Miggsie, I totally agree.
I've always replied in the 3rd person and have never given a reason.
The B&G (or parents) want to know whether you can come or not and not the reasons why.