to think people are selfish to not go to a wedding if it's adults only?

[Birdo83]

Just read another thread where several members said they would refuse to go to a wedding if their children weren't invited. Not for child care reasons but just cause they thought it wasn't right.

Space at weddings are limited what with both peoples friends and family. Are people really expecting some of the bride or grooms friends or family not to attend THEIR wedding so people's kids can take up all the seats? Our wedding was adults only because of course I wanted to prioritise my loved ones over other peoples children who, on the whole, don't mean so much to me. I'd have to have turned several of my closest friends if I'd let everyone bring all their children which I'd hate to do.

It's also worrying how many people can't seem to enjoy themselves without their kids. Ditto people who refuse to go to parties that our adults only. Very odd.

If someone can't attend because they don't have childcare/can't afford/busy/don't really want to go that's entirely fair enough.

Someone refusing to come to a close friend/family member's wedding because they didn't like the guest list is..well actually not a great loss because someone so petulant and petty is not really worth sharing the celebration with.

"if you cared about them you wouldn't 't mind leaving the children for a bit to share their special day"

From this quite breathtaking statement, I'm assuming that you don't have children?

Lunar - what a ridiculous thing to say. Like it or not, a wedding is one of the most significant days in most people's lives. Of course they think that their one day in a lifetime is more important than your spare time (which you have every week).

OP - you are definitely not being unreasonable. Of course it is difficult for some, but even if some people cannot attend it does not make the bride and groom unreasonable. We had babes in arms / breastfed babies at our wedding and offered to put on a nanny or other childcare if anyone else couldn't find an alternative option. ALL the parents without fail said something along the lines of - are you kidding? We'd love a day and night off!

My parents refused to attend a wedding once that I wasn't invited to. I was eight, and the bride used to pick me up and take me out for dinner regularly, I heard all about her event planning, I even helped her stuff invitations and made wedding favours for her, but when the invitations arrived, I was not invited. I was absolutely gutted. My parents weren't the 'kids must go to everything' type, but they also thought it was pretty offensive that I was good enough to help her organise her wedding, but not good enough for an invitation. I wasn't a badly behaved child either, I grew up in a fairly adult environment and would have behaved myself perfectly well.

I think that the child free wedding people often forget that weddings are supposed to be about close family and friends, and that does include children. If you want a child free wedding, that's fine, but don't expect everyone to spend a fortune on babysitting or miss their own children's events for the privilege of attending your 'special day'.

I can remember B and SIL not going to a family wedding as "If their children weren't welcome, then they weren't going either." I tried to point out that it's up to the bride and groom who they want to invite, but they still refused to go.

I have seen many weddings ruined by unruly children. Children are fine at weddings, but I do wish parents would remove them if they become noisy.

Again, because it's THEIR wedding and rules, not yours! If you cared about your friend or family then you wouldn't mind being away from the kids for a bit to be there for them on their special day.

Get over yourself. As pointed out already, their special day is not necessarily special for anyone else. As for being entitled to being selfish for their day- no, weddings are not a 'get you off any kind of behaviour' card.
An invitation is just that- not a summons which cannot be declined. The B & G need to take it gracefully if people decline. YABVU and Bridezillish.

Or maybe they realise the venue just isn't kid friendly?

Or the menu they want is something children are unlikely o eat?

If you cared about your friend or family then you wouldn't mind being away from the kids for a bit to be there for them on their special day.

What? You put your love for different people in an accounts book and add up the columns? "I live Soandso more than Whatsisname, so I'll dump Whatsisname."

No. YABU. Just as the B&G can make their own choices, so can the guests. Some choices are harder, some may be considered unreasonable, but they all have the freedom to make them.

it's not time to find childcare that's the issue - it's finding someone who is willing to look after four kids, tbh. mind you, we've just been invited to a friends wedding who has decided on a 'family kids only' rule, because they're on a tight budget. I think that's fair enough. We might not be able to go now because of the childcare issue, but I still think it's a reasonable idea.

But if people genuinely can't leave their kids behind, that's up to them. YABU.

We live 200 miles from family and have four small children. That equals no babysitter handy. If we were invited to a child free family wedding all of our potential babysitters would be there too leaving us without anyone.

That means that either one of us would go or neither.

Glad we are past the wedding stage with friends tbh.

Birdo you sound a little angry.

I didn't go to my cousins wedding as my niece wasn't invited. If I am having to drive 200 miles, dress up, buy presents, spend the day with family then the person I most to see is my niece. And some of the best wedding photos I have ever taken have been of the kids, so it doesn't even have photo opportunities for me.

I got married last year and we had about 10 children of various ages there. They are cheap to feed and really do not take up your number allocation. I would never dream of telling people "no kids" as that is their family and if you want a family wedding that's part of it!

Sounds like the OP is not talking about people who can't find childcare, but those who refuse out of principle.

I don't think it's selfish but people who choose to have adults-only weddings need to accept that some people may not be able to attend because it's childfree. We have one this year, and actually finding childcare is not proving to be easy at all, for various reasons. It's a very old friend of DH's so we will go but it's not going to be easy and I will be worrying about it, and in fact I may have to come home from the wedding early if I can't get childcare.

I completely understand why people have child-free weddings but I would equally hope they would understand how, with the best will in the world, some people may not be able to attend because of it.

AGAIN, I'm not talking about people who can't get child are. Just people who are so glued at the hips to their children that they won't go out of principle.

I find it very odd and wonder how such people coped before they had children. It's like some people forget how to enjoy time just as a couple (or in their own company) when they become mother or father. Don't lose touch with your identity or you'll be miserable as hell and won't know who you are when your kids move out etc.

I have DC. I agree with you.

I am one person - if I get an invite to go anywhere I assume it extends to me, not me, DH and our DC. So I'm 4 people now, am I?

Mind you, I would have absolutely no problem whatsoever attending a wedding without my DH which lots of people on here struggle with.

Other peoples weddings are generally pretty boring. They may be the be all and end all to the bride, but not so much anyone else. They also cost a fortune for not much return (as a guest). Weddings are generally a pain in the arse.

Child free weddings are perfectly fine and reasonable if that is what you want. However, if you make that decision then you have to accept that not everyone will want to attend or be able to attend.

I am reasonably certain that my daughter was only invited to my Niece's wedding because my niece (and sister) knew that I wouldn't come otherwise. There were some babes in arms there, but only one other child, a 5 year old boy. Had DD not have been invited, then I would not have gone. I wouldn't have got pissy about it, I would have wished them well, sent a gift and cooed over their photographs just like everyone else.

I don't leave my DD (age 8) with babysitters, only with family. The family were all at the wedding, therefore I would not have been able to attend.

As for worrying about people that do not go out without their children, that's rather patronising and short sighted. You don't know the reason behind this decision. I like being with my DD, she is my reason to get up in the morning. I am enjoying spending as much time with her as possible, before she hits the 'embarrassing parents' stage where she won't be within 10 ft of me! I also generally don't go to the sort of 'parties' that children should not be at, so where is the issue?

I got married last year. Children were invited. Weddings are one of the first big gatherings children attend and they learn so much about social skills.

In order to accommodate children we changed our venue and lowered our expectations. We had a beach theme and in order to cater for 165 and children we chose a cheaper meal. We opted for a chippy. And folk loved it.

There are too many selfish brides who stage manage a show. Weddings are a family occasion. Girls really
Need to remember that.

My memories of going to a wedding as a little girl fuelled my dreams of my own wedding for years.

And I'd be chuffed off at being excluded from a wedding because I have children like the suggestion upthread that you invite people without DC over people with them.

it is not selfish to have a childfree wedding. or a wedding abroad. or any type of wedding you choose.

it is not selfish to decline a wedding invitation, or any invitation, if the type of party means you are unable to attend - this includes childcare arrangements, cost of attending or simply not wanting to go.

it is incredibly rude and selfish to expect party hosts to change their wedding/party arrangements to suit you.

it is incredibly rude and selfish to demand that people attend your wedding/party.

choices people, choices. life is all about choices.

I agree with you OP.

If its one of those weddings thats in the arse end of nowhere and requires overnight stays then I can understand some people not wanting to go.

Or the guest may have a baby who is BF. I can totally get why they may decline the invite.

What I don't get is some people getting arsey if its older DC, its a local wedding and they can get babysitters, its not immediate family etc.

ts like those kind of parents who can't have a conversation without it being all about the kids. It's bloody boring IMO.

If you cared about your friend or family then you wouldn't mind being away from the kids for a bit to be there for them on their special day.

Children arent some amorphous lump of responsibility which parents can simply leave like a parcel with a.n.o. to be minded until later.

Children are people. Most parents like their children and want to spend their time with them. Offered a choice between spending the day at home with my children or spending the day at a wedding then the family day would have an awful lot of pull.

Look. I don't get the fuss about this.

If someone has a wedding, they can choose to invite adults only.

Someone who has kids is free to refuse the invitation if they don't like it/can't sort the childcare.

Why the angst?

A friend had a child free wedding. At the time I had a small baby who was breastfeeding. We declined the invitation but wished them well.

YABU.

Also, it really gets on my nerves when people let their DC run wild at wedding as it's all in the 'spirit' of the wedding.

I've been to weddings where children are running around with cutlery off tables, I've been to one where a 3 year old got lost for 10 minutes because nobody was taking responsibility for watching her.

I don't see that it's remotely relaxing or fun.

Obviously, not all parents abdicate responsibility for parenting at weddings, but some do.

Don't get me started on 'cute' chattering and babies squawking during the ceremony either.

Mind you, I would have absolutely no problem whatsoever attending a wedding without my DH which lots of people on here struggle with

^^
Me too. I really can't be doing with being glued to partners and kids. I am a person on my own!!