to think people are selfish to not go to a wedding if it's adults only?

[Birdo83]

Just read another thread where several members said they would refuse to go to a wedding if their children weren't invited. Not for child care reasons but just cause they thought it wasn't right.

Space at weddings are limited what with both peoples friends and family. Are people really expecting some of the bride or grooms friends or family not to attend THEIR wedding so people's kids can take up all the seats? Our wedding was adults only because of course I wanted to prioritise my loved ones over other peoples children who, on the whole, don't mean so much to me. I'd have to have turned several of my closest friends if I'd let everyone bring all their children which I'd hate to do.

It's also worrying how many people can't seem to enjoy themselves without their kids. Ditto people who refuse to go to parties that our adults only. Very odd.

Notnew: I agree it's equally crappy to look down on people who don't have children and make shitty comments about how empty their lives must be and how much time they have for thinking about petty irrelevancies (which someone did do up thread). Apart from anything else 90% of AIBU threads indicate that many parents have time for arguing over thinking about petty irrelevancies.

Exactly Calamitously. And there is a middle ground between the panto and full on unsuitable for children theatre. Such as - for example - Propeller productions of Shakespeare - think their age guidance is 12, but my son was a bit younger when he saw MND and laughed his head off all the way through - highly recommended for those with an interested child & intellectually & culturally stimulating for adults too.

And I can leave dh at home with can't-leave-with-anyone ds1 and it's win:win all round. Hoorah.

Nicely put, Calamitously

I'm sorry when I say for me, I mean for me. I enjoy going to these things and they stimulate me. everybody is different. I am absolutely not judging people. I am not looking down on people and I DID NOT say that "other peoples lives are not intellectually stimulating enough for me"

I mean Jesus Christ I'm off sick and I watched Jeremy Kyle this morning!

I find it so sad that so many peoples attitudes seem to be that the bride and groom should be graced by their presence at a wedding. Comments along the it's expensive, it's a long way and we have to stay overnight, it's a chore lines are really quite depressing.

It's a couples special day to celebrate their love and their choice to spend the rest of thir lives together. Not only do they get to choose the venue, menu and all the other plans but also god forbid the invitees!

I really do feel very sorry for people who think and feel like this and also those that seem unable to leave their children. I can only assume that they never go anywhere that is not suitable for DCs such as the pub, restaurants, out dancing or to see adult rated films at the cinema and i really do think that not having any quality alone time with your partner is a very sad state of affairs.

Surely going out for an evening eith your OH or DH for an evening enjoying each others company without your children is a way to maintain a healthy and passionate relationship?

And doesnt getting your children to soend time with other adults and in company away from their parents lead them to be happy, idependent little souls who are self sufficient and not clingy?

Can you imagine a thread on here starting with:

AIBU to be upset ive not been invited to a child party my DC is going to as it's children only.........

Hurrah for Somersetlady You just said everything I was supposed to, but a bit more eloquently and apparently in not such a "passive aggressive" way. Have a .

Find it sad so many couples think their wedding is the have all to be all. It's a wedding, not a court summons. It's not a 'special day' to anyone but them and those closest and no one owns a day.

If people don't want to go, for whatever reason, then don't.

No need for insult on either side.

She comes across as equally judgement though, piper.

Judgemental

look before you press post

And condescending too.

And you think you don't come across as judgmental?

Expat - I think you're referring to Bride/Groom-zilla's though.

If they were to be offended and withdrew their friendship out of spite and insulted that person on the basis of that person declining the invite for whatever reason, then they are BU.

If the invitee refused to attend a wedding out of spite and withdrew their friendship and insulted the B&G just because they didn't invite their DC, the invitee is BU.

Inviting and accepting the decline with good grace is reasonable.

Declining an invite with good grace is reasonable.

Personally, if the person I cared about was getting married I would like to be there to celebrate.

Just like the people who care about me, they'd want to be there too.

I don't see why it is so alien to some people on this thread.

Don't what happened with my last post but YKWIM.

Sorry Jaded I mean Calamitouslywrong. I think you've got the time with children/time for adults thing bang on. It gives me hope.

Jaded speaks sense too.

It doesn't really matter if you would prefer to spend time with your DC, for whatever reason.

It's the stamping of the feet and the anger about 'they obviously don't care about me because my DC are not invited, fuck them!' kind of attitude.

It's a bit pathetic.

I really do feel very sorry for people who think and feel like this and also those that seem unable to leave their children. I can only assume that they never go anywhere that is not suitable for DCs such as the pub, restaurants, out dancing or to see adult rated films at the cinema and i really do think that not having any quality alone time with your partner is a very sad state of affairs

Why?

We do go to the pub, but only when we are at our caravan on the coast - and DD comes too because it is a family resort, all the pubs are child friendly and most have childrens entertainment. We don't need to go to the pub to have a good time though and find it a very expensive form of entertainment. A 4 pack of lager costs less than a pint at our local pub - only chain pubs like Wetherspoons can afford to drop to sensible prices.

When we eat out - again generally when we are at the caravan, we take DD with us. We don't eat out otherwise, we don't feel the need. We have friends round and I cook for them, we find that more fun.

We don't dance (I have limited movement after an accident, DH is a dad-dancer ).

We don't go to the cinema - I think it is overrated and too expensive. I'd rather watch a DVD or illegal download with a glass of wine at home.

We have plenty of alone time - when DD is in bed, or busy with her friends and especially when we are at the caravan and we don't see DD for hours

Surely going out for an evening eith your OH or DH for an evening enjoying each others company without your children is a way to maintain a healthy and passionate relationship?

No, not really. There is nothing wrong with our passion levels thanks. We don't have to be away from home to be close to each other.

And doesnt getting your children to soend time with other adults and in company away from their parents lead them to be happy, idependent little souls who are self sufficient and not clingy?

DD is very happy and independant, she is most certainly not clingy, in fact quite the opposite - she knows I am always around, so doesn't need me. She can rely on me, so is quite blase in her attitude towards me - and that's the way I like it

I don't think there are that many b&g's who would throw away a friendship based on someone not attending, likewise I can't imagine anyone never speaking to a friend again because their children weren't invited. They might decline the invitation though. Not sure much can be read into why they might be declining. As I said way up the thread if a child has never been left before - assuming they're not 17 & NT I can see why someone may not want to make a wedding the first time they do that.

I have declined many an invitation due to children. Not because I cannot bear to leave my previous babies but because there aren't that many people falling over themselves to look after a 5' 7" non verbal teenager stranger enough. So weirdly enough I have to forgoe quality time (boak) with dh. We manage, & have managed to remain married for longer than many who do get 'couple time' (double boak).

Of course if asked I may just say 'couldn't get childcare' & someone may interpret that as I don't ever leave my children because I can't bear to, but that wouldn't be true. If I say I can't get childcare - that's what I mean I can't

You know saintly, I didn't think this actually happened.

But MN has been an eye opener

As in the tantrums. From both sides.

jadedangel cross post!

calamitouslywrong i find your comments highly amusing in an public forum where people are asked for their opinions and to ultimately to judge others often at their own request.

I don't judge others if and remember the question here is not attending weddings if they are childfree simply because your nose is out of joint you DC haven't been included on the invite they don't wish to attend a wedding for any number of reasons.

I find it sad that so many people seem to feel such a hardship to want to celebrate their supposed friends special celebration. I love to see my friends happy no matter if thats at their wedding, when they have children, get a new job, pack in a job and feck off travelling for a year ANYTHING really that enriches their lives and makes them enjoy life. I equally want to be there to support them in the harder times despite the expense and inconvenience it might incurr for either if you find that condescending then i apologise.

We had a child free wedding (bar my two goddaughters) and i loved it couldn't even tell you if i had any bum faced declinees because i missed off their little angels apart from one who wrote to decline as said she couldn't leave her toddler 'cupcake'. She was a cousin of my DH we never see so we wrote back and said what a shame look forward to catching up after the wedding.

I have 2 weddings this year coming up and will be leaving DC behind for both because she will be well looked after fed watered and loved by DG and heaven forbid I WANT to watch my two friends tie the knot to the men they love and stay up late and dance the night away on their special days. I don't even mind the hotel the wedding is at is £280 a room and it's a 4 hour drive. I will just stay somewhere close thats not as outrageous and set my alarm clock to leave early and arrive for the ceremony!

Do these people who can't go out without their DC's ever go to the cinema (to see anything above PG), to the pub, to see art not suitable for children, jeez

So basically: Everyone who doesn't do the stuff I like is to be pitied, darling.

Seriously, if you wanted the same tone back, most people out of their teens have no urgent need to "go to the cinema to see anything above PG". In our family, we live a rich and happy life full of intellectual stimulation and do basically none of the urgent staples of 23-year-old single life that various people here have outlined.

Pub? Pretty much never unless we're on holiday - we take the kids out to all sorts of places but not many pubs.
Cinema to see non-family films? Never. We actually watch a lot of films at home and have seen far more of them than most people.
Going to theatre/art galleries without the kids? Never - we should probably be taking supplement or something to make up for this basic requirement of human life.

It's not hard to see that other people who are happy and live differently to you, are not just lacking the opportunity to live more like you. To believe otherwise just seems arrogant.

Do you never leave your dd LtEveDallas ?

For anything?

Having adult time doesn't to me mean going on the piss or watching movies littered with sex and swearing. Just going to a coffee shop or for breakfast. We went and had an archery lesson a few months ago, it was awesome and not something we could have done with the dc.

It's about just being able to be yourselves without having to consider the dc for a short while.

I would find the thought of never having that very depressing.