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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this wasn't offensive?

525 replies

CasioBlues · 27/02/2014 23:19

I work in an office, and after meetings, there are often spare sandwiches that are offered around.

I work in one group. A group of people of a similar level, all friends, were talking today and someone mentioned these sandwiches were brought to their group by a female member of staff, and also friend. A friend in another group mentioned sandwiches also came around to their group by a female member of staff.

A male friend in my group quipped about the member of staff who brings them around "what a slag!". A few of us laughed, one friend found it really offensive.

I think among friends, it was obviously a joke on the "promiscuity" of sandwiches, but I'm prepared to admit I was wrong to think it wasn't offensive. It wasn't very professional, but among friends?

OP posts:
Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 00:36

My mistake was to explain she was married, to demonstrate that the woman is question wasn't someone with a "dubious" sex life, yet no-one would have been judging her either way

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 28/02/2014 00:38

I would argue that most double entendres are not a good example of what you call 'British Humour'!

You still have not explained the joke OP, not without admitting that 'slag' was in fact meant to be a pejorative term and that you laughed at it.

perfectstorm · 28/02/2014 00:38

Morethan, I'm currently a SAHM too. Wanting to care for my children in the preschool years did not entail a lobotomy; I'd be appreciative if you'd recognise that arrangements that suit one family may well not suit another. Smile

Caitlin17 · 28/02/2014 00:38

DamnBamboo yes I thought that too. What is so difficult about it? It's a horrid, ugly word which only applies to women.

morethanpotatoprints maybe you should get out more. It's really a very poor joke.

brdgrl · 28/02/2014 00:39

Now, I see the confusion comes between those who think those who joke are actually making a negative judgement on the woman who offered the sandwiches.

no, no, no. (Actually, the joke would still be offensive if she'd made it herself.) It has fuck-all to do with that specific woman and everything to do with women.

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 00:39

Thanks, I do have to go to bed, but I can see that some people hold that view. Thankfully, neither me or my friends do

OP posts:
CommunistLegoBloc · 28/02/2014 00:42

Ah yes, thank goodness there are still some blinkered people in the world striving for a continuation of demeaning and culturally-loaded language.

DamnBamboo · 28/02/2014 00:42

Thanks, I do have to go to bed, but I can see that some people hold that view. Thankfully, neither me or my friends do

And worringly, you are the educators of our young adults today. I despair...

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/02/2014 00:42

You've "explained" it a few times now. Still don't get it.

Woman brings sandwiches "what a slag MASSIVE LOL"...

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 00:42

If you don't get the joke, you don't get it - I have explained it now.

Let's for argument sake though suggest he was making a joke on the patriarchal expectation that women who have sex for pleasure are immoral - is it now ok?

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/02/2014 00:44

No, of course none of you actually think that promiscuous women are slags. It's just a word! Why, he could have said "she offers sandwiches to everyone? What a lamp post!" and it would have been just as funny because the humour definitely didn't come from the fact that slags - promiscuous women - are to be laughed at, and insulted!

(You said yourself that an equivalent would be to jokingly call someone a "thief". So you have in fact admitted that your group regards "slag" as an insult).

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/02/2014 00:44

Ooooh I get it OP.

Your colleague is totes hilaire. Why is it he's not a stand up comedian?

brdgrl · 28/02/2014 00:45

or! let's for argument's sake suggest he was making a joke about the first man on the moon. or reading a haiku about chickens.

Original poster
CasioBlues · 28/02/2014 00:45

Good night, sleep well

OP posts:
ADishBestEatenCold · 28/02/2014 00:51

"It was two post docs, and two lecturers"

oh, that's alright then I had thought it might be a group of teenage school leavers on work-experience.

qwertyqwerty · 28/02/2014 00:58

Bamboo

Unfortunately the person lacking intelligence and any sense of nuance in this thread is you.

You'd have reported those who 'colluded' in the joke, i.e. those who were simply present.

I find that statement deeply offensive given where I was born and brought up. Be thankful you live in a free country where people aren't reporting you for 'collusion' left right and centre.

DamnBamboo · 28/02/2014 01:00

No, that's not what colluded means at all.

QueenOfTheSlipstream · 28/02/2014 01:17

OP, you asked whether you were being UR to think it wasn't offensive and have been resoundingly told that you are - why on earth did you ask the question if you weren't prepared to accept the answer?

Balaboosta · 28/02/2014 01:20

Trouble is, the only reason that this might be "funny" is because it's demeaning and culturally-loaded language.
It's the shock factor of hearing such language used about a woman who isn't a "slag", doing an activity that isn't at all "slag-like". The funniness is in its outrageousness and inappropriateness.
Whether I personally found it funny or not, I'd have to be there to decide. It's funniness (or not) is highly nuanced. Separately, it is clearly sexist and demeaning. Trouble is, its only because if this that its funny!
OP - are you asking for "permission" to find this funny?

MrsCakesPremonition · 28/02/2014 01:29

I wouldn't expect to hear the word 'slag' applied to anyone in a professional environment. I would be massively surprised and not at all impressed. I wouldn't be offended but it would affect how I thought of the people involved.

I would assume that the person who made the "slag" joke has very questionable professional judgement. He would lose a huge amount of professional credibility with me.

I would have a little bit less respect for the whole group who thought it was funny.

Sillylass79 · 28/02/2014 01:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/02/2014 01:46

It's the shock factor of hearing such language used about a woman who isn't a "slag", doing an activity that isn't at all "slag-like". The funniness is in its outrageousness and inappropriateness

Balaboosta, that is absolutely the best summary of the issue to date. Thank you!

eightandthreequarters · 28/02/2014 01:48

I thought it was funny. I would have laughed too. And I consider myself a committed feminist.

CSIJanner · 28/02/2014 03:22

PerfectStorm - totally agree!

OP - I don't know what Uni you work in but in mine, if that comment was reported by the offended, got back to sandwich lady, or if HR got a whisper, academic or administration - they would come down on you like a tonne. Training courses, notes on records and potentially disciplinary type of thing. Slag is not appropriate within a professional environment. Hell - even the mere suggestion of inappropriateness around students is enough to get colleagues suspended whilst being investigated.

Don't get me wrong, I get the ironical joke, but using such words conjures up images of a dingy garage with old faded page 3's on the wall in the late '70's. Grey aged men scratching their beer bellies, in stained string vests kinda thing who leer at the female form. The world has moved on.

Eminybob · 28/02/2014 03:58

Sorry to jump in here so late on, but I've been reading this thread with increasing incredulity.

Some times jokes are just jokes, they are not veiled sexually aggressive put downs. An off the cuff comment like that isn't "funny" as such but I get the spirit of it. OP's colleague puts her sandwiches about a bit.

However I do think the OP was BVU to start this thread thinking that she would get a response any less than she has. Only slightly less U than if she had started it on the feminist issues board (now can you imagine!)

Anyway that is my opinion I'll going to try and get back to sleep now Grin

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