To not want to cook when I get home

[ScoobyMetBatman]

So my dp and I live together. I have come to my parents for the weekend for a family event, unfortunately I have come down with the flu. I was meant to go home on Monday, but I was too I'll to drive (it's a few hours away). Still felt rotten today, but am hoping to go back tomorrow.

I did the weekly shop with dp before I came here, so he got meals in for when I was away (one night he was plannin for a takeaway). I had meals planned for the rest of the week (Monday onwards). Obviously with me not being there those meals didn't happen; dp can't/won't try to cook. He ended up getting another takeaway last night because he didn't know what else to have. I told him today that I won't be back today, and whilst he does have sympathy for me feeling awful, one of his first questions was 'what am I meant to do for food tonight?'. I suggested various things, beans on toast etc. He can't drive so can't get to a proper supermarket, but we have a small shop down the road where he will be able to get SOMETHING. We also have chicken in which he could cook and chuck a sauce on, but he won't (claims he can't, despite doing it a while ago with me talking him through it).

It's so frustrating how he acts so helpless. I've not spoken to him on the phone today because I know he will sulk about it and I can't be bothered with that right now. I have told him in the past he needs to take more responsibility for himself, as I am not his mother and don't want to be treate as such.

Being ill I have had no appetite at all, so have a feeling I'm not going to be fussed about having dinner tomorrow. I'm so annoyed that he will expect me to cook for him. He thinks if I had been ill at home I would have been cooking. So wibu to refuse to cook, or would that just be mean and petty? (The problem is he is working tomorrow night so I probably won't see him until he's home from work which is about 10.30pm - I'd feel very mean not having food ready for him if he's starving!)

I am spoilt because I am married to a chef.

I don't enjoy cooking, but I do it, DC and I need to eat when DH is working.

How did he survive without you? I would suggest he reverts to that, be it soup, cuppa soup, pot noodle or whatever.

How long have you been living together? You clearly have some training to do of him.

My DH couldn't cook at all when we first lived together and had a mistrust of food with a foreign name. Not any more

FFS. My 12 year old can do beans on toast (and pasta, and could probably do chicken if I trusted her with hot oil/raw meat but she's too clumsy at the moment to not burn herself- she manages pancakes under supervision though). He could easily make an ommelete or stir fry. Or tinned soup and toast. Anyone can do that. I think you should go to bed for a fortnight and see if he's turned into some kind of carry out hunting caveman by then.

What everyone else says, why are you with this waste of space..

You're being played for a sucker.

What other normal household items does he somehow manage to be completely unable to do?

What a baby and how unattractive.

My 11 year old could knock up a spaghetti carbonara.

No way should you be expected to spend any time worrying about what he will eat. Look after yourself, feel better- thats all.

Oh dear, he is just going to have to die of starvation then, isn't he?

Pathetic.

All he has to do is read the packaging on almost anything and follow those. Pies, pizzas, quiches, soup etc. There are simply millions of foods in a supermarket that only have to be opened and cooked as instructed.

What work does he do as he is clearly unable to read and follow basic instructions?

Your relationship needs a serious chat and overhaul.

Apologies I'm on my phone so I can't remember who has said what, but in answer to some of your points.

Yes he can be very exhausting. He gets in sulks over the silliest of things, I have mentioned it a good numbers of times now and he still does it.

Expect him to make an omelette?? Ha you must be kidding. I've told him I will show him how to make a fried egg. But he doesn't want to learn, he just wants it done for him. We actually had an argument about this the other week!

To be fair neither of us do a great deal of housework, but yes it is me who does all the cooking and I do majority of other kitchen stuff such as pots, cleaning work tops, floor etc. If I start doing the pots he will often tell me to leave some and he'll do them later, but about 90% of the time they won't get done.

We've been together close to 5yrs, I swear he wasn't always this needy! And I can't wait to have kids, but yes I do have my doubts about having them with him. He seems to think that he would do loads if we had a baby, but I'm thinking if he won't even learn to cook an egg, where is the evidence that he would step up and do stuff??

Every meal for him has to be a proper meal (if that makes sense). So beans on toast jut isn't enough. But my view is just suck it up, it's one night! And he can get fruit or treats for afterwards if he's still hungry.

I am living alone (with two minors) if I arrive home late and starving I use a cutting edge machine called. . A toaster..

Why do you want a baby? You already have one

I'd be ashamed to be with a bloke like that. Actually, no I wouldn't because I just wouldn't be with him. That's actually quite shameful.

Domesticate or dump him if you're planning children

Oh bless you both tunnock hope he is on the mend.

Oh OP this is shocking, I think you need to get rid of this one. This is so, so the tip of the iceberg. When you have DC and they need cooking for and generally fingers need lifting around the place big time, he is going to be worse than useless.

He thinks he is entitled to a "proper" meal every night yet refuses to learn even the basics of cooking? And he can't see the irony in that?

You've got used to him so you maybe can't see how much better it could be, but honestly, any decent partner would be planning to welcome you back, install you on the sofa with a blanket and make you beans on toast. It is hardly rocket science either in emotional or practical terms.

I'd feel very mean not having food ready for him if he's starving

That os so not your job. You are ill and need to go to bed. He is the one that's being mean.

He sounds about 6.
All my dc could get themselves a meal from about 7 or 8 (as in, open a tin and bung stuff on a bit of toast) - they could all cook a proper meal from the age of 9 or 10. OK, the kitchen would be a bit messy, but no-one would starve.

I really, really would think very, very hard before deciding to have children with this apology for an adult.
It's one thing not liking cooking - preferring to be the one who does another job whilst the other person cooks, but not being able to feed self for 2 or 3 days is really beyond my comprehension.

If you think there is a lot to do now wait until you have a baby.

How can someone drive a car, for example, but can't cook - too idle is the answer.

TestingTesting that's one of the reasons why there are no plans to try for one soon. I need to wait for my other one to grow up!

He does have redeeming features, and I love him, but sometimes I do think he is way too much effort. I don't want to be responsible for him, he needs to take responsibility for himself.

He can't fry an egg? How old is he OP??

I am reminded of my grandparents. My grandfather expected slippers warming by the fire and tea going on to the table as he came in the door from his work. (My grandmother also had a job outside the home which was unusual for a married woman at that time and place - but it was never acknowledged.)

When my grandmother was 'confined' (her words) his requirements still had to be met. They all lived close by family so one of her sisters would come and 'do' for him while she was upstairs with the new baby. (Favour later reciprocated.)

He never changed - and I'm afraid neither will your DP. Leave him and get yourself a grown up life and/or partner.