Ok so I posted earlier but I've now had to call the police...

[MeepMeepVrooom]

I posted earlier about my ExH taking pictures from my FB page and putting them on his, he tagged his girlfriend of 2 weeks in them etc etc...

I have just been to pick up my DD from nursery to be told than a woman fitting his new girlfriends description tried to collect DD from nursery. They called me but I was already on my way and told them I would deal with it, they refused to release my DD (obviously) and waited on me.

She was gone by the time i got there and have called 101 once I was home.

This bizarre behaviour seems to be escalating and I'm getting worried. I know where the woman is right now and tbh I'm trying my best to stay calm and not go to her and go through her like a ton of bricks.

Has anyone been in this position? I'm really struggling to sit tight right now.

Oh come on Coco Ffs, it was a complete stranger that attempted to take a child from nursery, and you think that's normal?

Where did she say it was normal? She said it was not illegal. Which is correct.

OP, when the police come back round make sure you emphasize the Facebook photo stealing and the tagging of the Girlfriend in them.

It sounds bonkers, but, in light of the GF trying to take your DD, it could well be an attempt to create an 'audit trail', showing a history as a family unit. Certainly, I wouldn't assume the two incidences are unrelated.

On a related note, is there any chance that either your Ex or his GF have family in another country? I don't want to scare monger at all and it may not be a concern, but... she comes into the picture, they start creating an online 'happy family' and then she tried to take your DD with no warning. I'd be very worried about what the next step wa, as I know you are. Them taking her in this country would be a nightmare - if there's any chance that he could take her abroad to family, you need to cut that off immediately. Do you have a passport for your DD? If you don't, apply for it. She can only be issued one and it needs to be with you. It'll be one less thing for you to worry about.

Good luck - I can't imagine how scary this all must be.

Well done for going through the proper channels, OP. ]flowers]

The passport suggestion and keeping her home (or changing the pattern of when she is at nursery) sounds good, if you can. Lots of good advice here.

HadABadDay "It really doesn't matter what policy the nursery has. He has PR and the nursery have no choice but to hand over a child if proof is in black and white.

If the father turned up with birth certificate and ID the nursery would have no choice."

This is absolute rubbish.

I think some people get confused by the term 'parental rights' - it doesn't actually mean they can barge in and take a child who is biologically theirs but they have nothing to do with. And it most certainly doesn't mean their new girlfriend can!

I have relatives who are primary school teachers, children are only sent home with the person registered with them or a relative/friend if the school know about it in advance.

My ex is married and his wife hates me. They've been married for over a year but if she attempted to collect DS from school without my knowledge or consent... well let's just say I think you've been very sensible and restrained OP!

You absolutely did the right thing contacting the police.

Meep, I'm so glad that the nursery said that to you. I was really worried for you last night after Coco's comments. Surely it can't be normal for a nursery or any other institution to just release a child to a "parent" that they wouldn't even recognise (let alone a partner they have NEVER met!).

I'm just trying to imagine how upset, panicky and confused my own Dd would be if this happened to her and she is alot older.

When you take your child to a nursery or infant school you write down a list of people who may pick up your child. I was under the impression that the school or nursery had to abide by that. What kind of awful person would just show up to take a child that they'd never met?

Regardless of the legal situation I think a school would be very hard pressed to do that unless they had discussed the situation with the parent who they were actually expecting to pick the child up.

I am a teacher of little ones. This happened to me once (although the father trying to take the child home at lunchtime was estranged from the mum but did see the child). The mum dropped her off as usual, dad arrived unexpected at lunchtime saying he wanted to take her then and there. I'd never seen him before, neither had any of the staff. Child wasn't expecting him either. I refused to let her go until I'd called the other parent. She arrived soon after and they talked about it. We did find out later that I couldn't have stopped him taking her legally but there was no way I would release a child from school unless I was 100 % sure of the person s/he was going with. What if I had released her on his say so and it turned out that he was not her father/not allowed contact/wanted to abduct her?!

Sorry, for this long post. I really feel for you Meep and hope you and your DD are ok. I hope you get on ok at your solicitors and can get this sorted once and for all. Hugs to you both.

Have you read the DofE guidance I linked - the school has no choice.

You are living in lala land if you think they can legally stop a parent from collecting a child.

Its written in black and white on the goverments website. It is up to you as the resident parent with concerns to get the relevant legal position in place - not expect to put a school in a difficult legal position and expect them to do it for you.

MeepMeep I cannot comprehend what you must be going through, IMO you are approaching every Mother's nightmare with great dignity and resilience.

Whatever the legal rights and wrongs are, the Nursery have acted and are still acting in an appropriate way.

At this point I really do not think that some of the comments such as "he is as much of a parent as you are" are really warranted, MeepMeep is taking all the legal steps to try and stop this situation happening again, so positive support is needed from everyone.

MeepMeep please accept a BIG VIRTUAL HUG, a and a huge piece of

x post nenny sorry, I shouldn't have said "normal" either, but the point I was making was that I very, very much doubt that in practice a nursery would be in trouble for not releasing a child to a parent they had never seen before without permission from the person who usually picks up the child. Whether that person brought ID and a birth certificate or not.

Sorry that was for Poppins - those of us who have been on the reciving end of this are just trying to help.

Some of the naivity shown on this thread is terrifying if there are gebuine concerns.

Meep is doing the right thing and getting legal advice. The posters who "my childs school would never" scare me. A school will have no choice but to follow a point of law.

Frankly, as a teacher I would rather get in trouble for not allowing someone to take a child (before I had thoroughly checked the situation) than let a child go with someone without the knowledge of the parent who is meant to be picking them up.

I'm not naive.

Do you have any idea how bad a school would look if they let anyone who strolled up to the gates at home time take a child without the resident patent knowing about it?

As I said, have teachers in my family and they would never allow that to happen.

I'm going to double check with my nursery after this to make sure, but having spoken to a friend who runs a nursery she says that if someone showed up not on the list but with a birth cert and id they would not take it as definitive, would attempt to check with the main carer and would rather run the risk of the police being called to enforce it and any ensuing trouble than hand a child over to an unknown party - especially if the kid didn't recognise they unknown party.

Thanks for all your messages, the police have just left.

They have been unable to speak to DDs father at the moment. They have however spoken to his GF and she is currently in police custody.

They have said they are questioning her in relation to her attempt at collecting DD from nursery without parental consent (so presumably she hasn't said that my ex asked her to do it) It was also said she is being questioned for an unrelated matter.

They haven't said very much to be honest however there is something weird, I don't know what but I know I don't like it.

They have advised a lot of what has already been advised on here PSO etc and have provided me with a SS contact that I can speak to for advice also.

I have been requested to not try and contact my ex (they did say this yesterday too) and when I said I was going to stay with a friend and DD was going to be with me the rest of the week the response was simply "that's a good idea".

I may be reading too much into it but they seem very concerned and truthfully I don't know if it's because of the situation or if there is more to it.

I would like to point out that they have also advised to set up security codes and even an ID policy with nursery for when she returns.

I've never had a huge amount of dealing with the police but there is something not normal about this. Surely they could have rang me?

Just waiting on our lift now.

So sorry you are in such a worrying situation Meep, I so feel for you. Glad the police are taking this seriously and that they are giving you good advice. Take care.

And the second time - once id has been confirmed? If its black and white why not put the orders in place?

I know it happens because I have seen it happen - schools are powerless i the face of parental dispute - because that is not their job. It is the job of the family court. As a teacher if the LEA solicitor tells you / the head to do something - then you will have no choice but to do it regardless of what you personally think.

Sounds like there is an existing warrant to me.

meep we've had problems with our neighbours that have required police involvement and what you've described sounds very normal. in our case the neighbour was wanted in connection with something else too,and we had a very good officer who basically explained that they couldn't give use details obviously but 'as they were known' we needed to be advised and it left the ball in our court as to whether we wanted to have them done for it. they tread a fine line between needing to give you info but not breaking confidentiality plus also not wanting to terrify the crap out of you. Im glad they are taking it seriously.

Nice to see the Police have been active in this case and she is in custody, from your post MeepMeep she seems to be known to them already.

Well done for keeping your calm, you have done everything right.

Love to you and your DD.

Right now is the time to consult your legal representative (assuming you have one who's fairly dynamic and very chummy with the police) about legal action, and take what you can get. Preferably get them informed and racking brains now while the police are in the middle of acting, have people in custody etc.

Glad the police are taking it seriously as they should. Hope you can try and have a good day today. I really don't know what I would do in your situation I would be going crazy.
Hope the police keep you well informed and you get some support from SS.
The woman sounds unhinged if even your ex knew nothing of this.

What a nightmare for you OP!

I don't have any experience of this kind of thing but you seem to be getting good advice from others on the thread and I am glad the police are taking it seriously.

Basically the ID system is official ID to be checked against and register. If the person is not on the approved list the police will be called and I will be informed.

They have said that as the building is secure the nursery have the right to decline access to anyone they want providing the follow the correct procedure. He cannot barge his way into the nursery because that would be a criminal offence and he would be arrested.

It is a apparently something every private nursery can do and is a time giving tactic. They can create barriers to stop him taking DD until I arrive. So yes effectively he could take DD if he turned up with the relevant documents (none of which he has) but it wouldn't ever come to it because I could be there quickly enough to stop it.

Hopefully a PSO will be sorted quickly. My solicitor is putting everything in motion now so I just need to wait.

agree with so much said here, you could be in court today and leave with interim orders that would provide you with instant protection and a little relief until things can be sorted more permanently. Having had to apply for an emergency order in the past to prevent abduction and relocation of my grandson I have every sympathy with you and know exactly the worry you are going through. xx

It was definitely your ex posting on facebook was it? It couldn't have been his gf using his account, possibly without his knowledge. It just seems quite extreme for her to be in custody when the obvious excuse would have been that her boyfriend had asked her to collect his dd, and she didn't know he wasn't permitted. Sounds like there's more to it.

I have always known she is the one to have set the account up and take the photographs (presumably at his request) as I have said he is computer illiterate. Can barely switch them on.

It is possible she has done it without his knowledge I suppose although the caption on the photographs suggest he was involved.