AIBU to think that very few people have a realistic expectation of what it is like to have a newborn?

[CrispyCrochet]

My DS1 is only 2.5 months old and while pregnant everyone was dishing out advice and they continue to do so. Yet, even with all the advice I was given I still had no clue what I was in for. Yes, I knew that newborns slept a lot, ate and pooed but what I did not realise was that they would

a) breastfeed near enough constantly for those first couple of weeks
b) only sleep on me
c) how intense on demand BF would be

I posted several posts on MN along the veins of "Help! My 15 do baby won't settle" or "4 week old won't sleep in his moses basket" and "6 week old is BFing for HOURS is this normal?"

So AIBU to think that midwives/friends/family don't actually prepare us for this sort of thing? I see posts on MN literally everyday with someone asking those exact same questions. I know that some people will have newborns who happily go off to sleep in their moses baskets yeah right or what have you but is it fairly safe to say that most newborns only want mummy and no manner of tricks/tips can really get them to change - only time. All this nonsense about "routines" - can we all just agree that it is pretty much pointless until the baby is a wee bit older??

Should it be up to the midwives to actually give us a bit more of a real world perspective on what it is likely to be like with a newborn? I say this as my DS has essentially been in my arms since 11pm last night having slept in his moses basket for all of 3 hours & is currently sleeping on my lap with a boob in his mouth.

Maybe they did tell me it would be like this and I didn't listen...

I remember my NCT teacher did a session after we'd all given birth - it was an informal catch up thing, but she asked us what we'd have liked more/less of. Everyone said "information about newborns". She said, ah, everyone says that. The problem is that even if you make the course 90% about looking after newborns, everyone says that. You forget. So they changed it, they do a little bit of babycare practical stuff, an exercise where they boot the men out into a different room and give both groups an example of their day vs what the husband comes home and sees, and then basically lets the argument play out until the big reveal where they swap and it's supposed to prevent your husband from doing the "What have you been doing all day??" thing. And I literally can't remember anything else even though I'm pretty sure we had 2 whole sessions on baby care.

The breastfeeding preparation classes were good, though, perhaps a bit too honest! Most people seemed terrified - but they stuck the one important thing in there which was "The support person will be at X place on X day and you can call X number if you need help at ANY other time."

When close friends of ours had a baby two years ago (our dc were around 2 and 4), I can remember having a conversation with them when they were telling us how they couldn't wait for the baby to arrive and how they were sure that it would fit right in with their lives.
She was talking about a hen do that she'd have to diet for as it was 3 weeks after giving birth and he was talking about how he was going to use his months paternity leave to get some sizable gardening job done 'when the baby was sleeping'.

Dh and I smiled and nodded and then sniggered in the car on the way home about how they clearly didn't grasp just how their whole life was about to implode

Similarly now, they are pregnant again and will have more or less the same gap we do (2 years and a bit). Again, they're talking about how much easier it will be with two and as they already have a routine with their nearly 2 year old the baby should fit right in.

We're smiling and nodding again.

Hi I agree with you. I am now retired and work as a night nanny, but I was a midwife for many years. We used to hold 6-8 antenatal classes for first time mums and two or three classes were devoted to infants feeding and fist few weeks with the baby. We were able to demonstrate baby bathing and even sterilising and preparing bottle feeds. But the classes were cut back over the years and when I left we were offering 2-3 classes. We were not able to demonstrate sterilising or preparing feeds as we had to concentrate only on breast feeding. Not very helpful for mums planning to express or return to work.
I agree newborn babies do not have a routine. You can only try to start some habits that baby will develop as he/she develops. Try to get your baby to settle in crib/pram at least once a day when semi awake.
Ask for help from family and friends. The first few months are exhausting.
Try to sleep too when your baby sleep in the day.
Please feel free to PM me.

First born is very hard but newborn with siblings harder!, Ds was born on a sat nite, came home on sunday, and had to take DD's 7 & 5 to school at 9.45am mon morning as DH had started a new job that week! just had to get on wit it- routine has to be stuck to as much as poss! with a first born, you have the luxury to sleep when they do, with other DC's you dont- even a day and a half of giving birth!!!!!! mind u that was twenty odd yrs ago- all three have now left home - yippee!!!

I agree with both your points Dilys. I found BF soooo painful for literally months. I saw countless BF experts in that time and all said my baby's latch was fine and were mystified by my pain / agony. Thrush was ruled out too. Everyone kept suggesting Lansinoh but that only helps if your nipples are cracked. Mine were just flipping sore and I dreaded feeding baby. It felt like needles were being sucked from my boobies. I think I just had extra sensitive nipples. I say said, as obviously now they're pretty much desensitised - sob re sex life! I know how much different they feel. Pre pregnancy I couldn't bear to walk around bra-less ever even for a few minutes. Now I could do so for hours.

Was your baby checked for tongue or lip tie needtobediscreet?

YANBU - I thought the same after my 3rd !!!! For me it was great for the first few days until my milk came in on day 4. My boobs felt like they had exploded and I was became really shivery and feverish - for 2 days I had periods of uncontrollable shivering by day 6 I was ready to give up and gave formula as I'd had enough. The same day my midwife visited and I just burst into tears! And she said "oh it's day 5 - your hormones kick in around this time " - had I known this or at least remembered from the previous ds and dd I might have felt a bit better !!! Even ds (13) remembers this day and says I was a wreck !!