Are you financially independent?

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

So I am massively in favour of financial equality in a relationship. DH and I have a joint account into which both our salaries go and we both have free access to this. We don't have much spare money, but we manage our general life costs and spend within our means. DH earns more than me and since we had our daughter 18 months ago, I work part time (20 hours a week). We share everything.
But I'm not financially independent am I? Because if we split up (not something that is likely to happen, but it's good to plan!), I wouldn't be able to manage. The majority of what I earn goes on childcare (in reality, we obviously party childcare from our joint money, but if I didn't work we wouldn't have to pay it at all do it's a legitimate calculation to make). Alone I would be left with maybe £300/month after childcare and not much more if I went full time. We rent in an expensive city and it's a struggle to find anything under £1000/month.
So I guess what I'm asking is how does one become truly financially independent? Do you just have to earn loads yourself- enough so that you could manage everything alone? Or doesn't it matter?

No one at all in this world is financially (or in any other way) independent. Even those who have independent wealth depend upon the goodwill of others and/or state protection to retain its value- as an individual there is no way that major landowners could maintain all of their land, or their large houses. People who are just on a high income through an employer could lose their job tomorrow. Unless you live entirely off-grid and catch/farm your own dinner, then you will not be financially independent. Therefore, I think you'd be better to think of the sum contribution you make to humanity, by your work if you have it, and by bearing and raising children who will be the future of humanity, and by the good you do on an informal level or through your work to others- if that's resolved, I don't think you need to consider independence as you have achieved interdependence with society which is more than good enough. If your relationship breaks down, you will survive in some way, we all do.

No, I'm not completely financially independent if we split up, but if DH died we would be find and vice versa.

I haven't taken into account anything DH would pay towards the children though and I'm calculating on the basis of our current lifestyle (house, school fees etc), so I guess I probably could be if those things changed and I increased my hours. Right now I earn the same as DH but I work part-time.

Fudge I think youre overthinking itm basically the question is could you survive without your dhs wage

I'm not at present, but I could be If I needed to. If me and DH split up then I could afford a home with half the equity in our current home. I could also increase my hours to work full-time and earn 4-times as much as I do now.

I'm very appreciative of the fact that I don't have to do this though.

George _ I think you are very optimistic about benefits! The only help with a mortgage you get is that the interest is paid for a limited time. These friends of yyours may well be selling their houses in the near future.

No they wont as mortgages are so cheap its easily coverable on the nmw with benefit top ups.

I am financially independent and I am a sahm.
I didn't inherit anything but debt. I didn't get a degree and I didn't marry a rich bloke. I probably will never have another paid job.
I'm the exception that proves fuck all
If we split we would both have enough to live on so we both are.

So yes. I always wanted to look after myself. I worked hard and life has been kind enough to help negate some of the shite.

Hmm well I love in one of the cheapest places on the country wrt house prices and I still don't see thw appeal of giving up my job for a nmw job.

Its just nice to know the benefit system is there in this country, which takes the pressure off. In my situation I doubt I would get the children anyway as dh is in main carer so all pie in the sky.

I'm a SAHM so obviously I'm not financially independent. This doesn't bother me at all, because both DH and I really value my role in looking after the DC even though it has no financial reward.

When I stopped working, DH and I were earning almost exactly the same (we met at work so in the the same industry). Since then he's had several pay rises. If we split up, I'd think it was absolutely fair for him to support me, as me becoming a SAHM was a joint decision so it would be very unfair if I suffered for it financially.

Having said all that, I do intend to return to work when DC3 starts school later this year.

I used to be financially independent. I bought my first house when I was 25, I worked my butt off before, during and after. I met h when I was 30, we got married when I was 32, and i sold my lovely little house to move in with h. Little did I know what a complete penny pinching arse he is. He splashed the cash before we were married.

I am the complete opposite of what I was, as am now a SAHM. I find it relentless and boring. And before anyone wonders whether it was a joint decision, it wasn't. I was pressurized bullied into giving up work. And we don't have a joint account, he gives me 'housekeeping' tosser

To me being financially independent doesn't mean you could carry on supporting yourself in exactly the same manner as you now live in a partnership.

That wouldn't be logical .

It just means could you support yourself ie could you house yourself, pay all your bills and make decent provision for your pension.

So yes, I could do that comfortably.

Long are you on the process of splitting up? What an awful way ro live

I've been single, married, separated, divorced and become a parent in that order and maintained financial independence throughout. I've been broke and well-off at various points in that time-line but always had an income and always had my own money. (From a long line of financially canny women and financially daft men)

No i am not financially independent , this doesn't trouble me . If DH were to leave , i would manage just as i did before i met him . We dont have a joint account and i have no savings in my name . He earns 6 times what i currently earn , although by increasing my hours i could reduce this to 3 times iyswim. We rent and the tenancy is in my name alone , possibly harking back to being a single parent in a homeless hostel , i like the reassurance this gives me .

You are making the assumption that the children will remain with you which skews this massively. Effectively you are asking if you and your children can be financially independent of your partner. I earn much more than my wife does but I would not consider myself financially independent - I would not be able to afford the childcare and the mortgage.
I am not planning for this though and I'm not sure it is a goal I want to achieve. My financial objectives are base on family stability, not breaking the family up.

SPB I am thinking about us seperating as he doesn't even pull his weight at home. I'm just sick of telling him what to do wrt housework. He's very lazy, and has been taking the piss lately.

Longdistance, you've just neatly demonstrated why I'll never become financially dependent on anyone. Nobody really knows what the future holds, I'm sure no woman gets married and gives up work to raise children thinking they'll be left high and dry later. But it happens. A lot. A quick skim of the relationship threads will confirm that.

I really hope better times are ahead for you. That's no way to live. Virtual hugs.

I am financially independent, or could be if anything happened to OH. We bring in around the same and although we would need to move house and lose some luxuries, I would manage.

This is hugely due to us agreeing, early on, that I had to have a career so that if anything ever happened to him I would be able to care for our children, when we had them. I think that because of this decision DH has taken a more active role in childcare and housework as his work is not more 'important' than mine.

To the poster who mentioned how you do it. You left one out. ..

You work hard, give it everything you have before you have children. and you get yourself into a skilled position where your skills are in demand. You then have more options when having children eg working from home, going part time etc. You can even take a couple of years off if you keep up with changed in your industry.

Pugwatch
It's funny, but some people never seem to consider that perhaps maybe it's possible to achieve success through sheer hard work and determination.

I am not completely, is anyone in a partnership completely? I do have a professional job and work four days a week, and we have a one year old. If we were to break up I still have my job, which o could up to five days, and I would get the required financial support from her dad. I think it is a good idea to retain your own salary however small, but complete financial Independence would be vert hars for most people.

Trapper - it's not about planning to split up, it's about protecting from getting stuck in an unhappy marriage and having no choice but to continue, or having the stability to know that if one of us lost our job/health/worse we would be able to manage just fine one one salary

Financially interdependent and secure is a good aim.

The ability to stand on your own two feet (albeit at a lower standard of living - two homes wil always be more expensive than one) and the security not to be a complete hostage to fortune to the whims / changing loves / job security of another human being.

Looking at the worth or value of childcare rather than the cost is a good sum to do. The cost is the cost - but the worth or value is what it enables your DH to earn, and what it enables you to earn. It is therefore worth a lot to him.

And don't forget that having a job isn't just a case of netting off your earnings in the face of the childcare costs. Having a job is the best way to get your next job, your promotion, your pension and a higher salary after the children are in f/t school or have left home. Childcare is therefore worth more than the cost, it is an investment in your future.

Of course choosing to be a sahp is a valid choice - but it is importnat that both parents understand the worth and value - and impact on security - that that choice brings with it.

High earning men can lose jobs or become ill or otherwise unable to work. Having insurance, a Plan B or maintaining your own earning power is a good route to mutual security and interdependence.

Yes, I would say I am, DH and I earn similar money and I run my own business. I also think that I am more financially astute than he is so would probably manage better on my own than he would.