Are you financially independent?

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

So I am massively in favour of financial equality in a relationship. DH and I have a joint account into which both our salaries go and we both have free access to this. We don't have much spare money, but we manage our general life costs and spend within our means. DH earns more than me and since we had our daughter 18 months ago, I work part time (20 hours a week). We share everything.
But I'm not financially independent am I? Because if we split up (not something that is likely to happen, but it's good to plan!), I wouldn't be able to manage. The majority of what I earn goes on childcare (in reality, we obviously party childcare from our joint money, but if I didn't work we wouldn't have to pay it at all do it's a legitimate calculation to make). Alone I would be left with maybe £300/month after childcare and not much more if I went full time. We rent in an expensive city and it's a struggle to find anything under £1000/month.
So I guess what I'm asking is how does one become truly financially independent? Do you just have to earn loads yourself- enough so that you could manage everything alone? Or doesn't it matter?

Yep. He earns way more than me but if we split up, I'd go back to work full time and be very comfortable financially. There's no way I'd depend on anyone else for money. I'd miss the extra £££ but I'd be fine without it.

Out of interest, if a married couple got divorced, does either party have a claim on the assets that are in the sole name of the other person?

I' m asking this from the pov of dd, if she has say a house in her sole name, and married a twat who she then gets divorced from, would he have a claim on it?

Brave - yes - the house, even if in her sole name, becomes part of marital assets - she risks him having a share of it in the event of a split.

What about other assets in her sole name like bank accounts?

So how does a daughter go about protecting her assets from potential twattish husbands?

Thanks Sabrina, that's interesting. So if we help dd buy a house in her sole name, we would turn in our grave if we know that a twat has a claim on what we have saved so hard for.

Might be answer be NOT to use it as a marital home, but as a source of income for dd?

I don't think I'm financially independent. DH is a high earner and I'm a sahm. However, we completely share the money, and I have total access to all the bank accounts and have my own credit card, paid off monthly from the joint account.

If we split, (which isn't on the cards, but you never know) I'd keep the dc, and probably be able to stay in the house. He'd have to pay me a healthy amount of maintenance - both CM and spousal maintenance - and I'd get a good share of assets and even a share of his pension as I have sacrificed my career/earnings for the sake of our family. We were both fairly equal finances-wise when we entered the marriage.

Although I love my life, and looking after the dc, this is something I'm increasingly unhappy about.

Im financially interdependent, which is how I think it works best in a relationship. We share. If I wanted my money to be solely my own, I simply wouldnt do the relationship and living together thing, Id go strictly casual. Having said that OP earns far more than I do so does shoulder most of the financial responsibility and doesnt complain about it at all. Im at home far more than he is so I do most of the homemaking & thats my share, as I see it. When he's around he plays his part in that too. So its different strokes for different folk I guess. I cant even recall the last time we talked about money, we just get on with things. Its a non-issue and relationships are about far more than that anyway. Or at least, they should be.

No, definitely not.

I know it's a terribly hated phrase on here (with good reason) but I really do work for "pin money". I manage a tiny cinema 2-3 nights a week and am going to child mind three days a week starting in September. (Just one child, so not much $.)

I'm not terribly worried. Half the house is mine and we live in a small town with cheap apartments that I could just about afford. With benefits and child support from DH I could make it.

If I found myself in that position I'd do my damndest to go back to school and retrain.

No. Not at all.

I am rammed right up shit creek without a paddle.

Yep. I live on my own (well, without an adult- I have DD) and until a year ago, I was single, DP hasn't yet moved in and currently contributes nothing. I can and do support myself and my set up fully.

Well, if he left me for his secretary or got hit by a bus, then yes. Obviously my life would change, but I'd have a paid off roof over my head and I'd work more, and we'd (kids and I) be fine.

I didn't have children until I was over 35, so I'd had a good 14 or so years' work experience after studying, so therefore saved a bit, plus now, even though I'm not working, I have the experience to be able to earn enough even though I'd work part time. I try not to let too much time pass before I get back into the workforce from time to time - contract roles and the like. So my experience is always up to date.

Of course the overseas holidays would probably have to go!

edwinbear - It depends as sometimes its better to be on less. If you are on less you get 300 a week towards childcare. I am moving on to a well paid job in my area soon its around 35 an hour, and I have put it off for a long time as the childcare amount is a lot of money to make up, especially if you have lots of children.

All our money is in joint accounts so I don't think in terms of 'his' or 'my' money. But yes, if I do mentally separate things out, either of us could manage independently. Our mortgage isn't big now, we no longer have childcare costs and we both earn similar amounts. His pension is rather better than mine- i worked only 3 days a week for about 5 years which knocked quite a scarily large amount off mine, but fortunately it's still a good one and will give me a lump sum and a healthy amount. Whichever one of us dies first, the other also had an entitlement to a proportion of their pension in addition to our own.

Obviously our lifestyle would change if we went our separate ways, but then we wouldn't need this size house if we weren't together. But yes, apart from the very early years when I reduced to part time work and we had humungous childcare costs, I'm happy to say I am (theoretically if not in practical terms ) financially independent

Georges why b is there an assumption that in the case of a split either would be entitled to benefits automatically?

I wouldnt automatically on my new job as its very well paid, but I would quit it and go on a 20 hr nmw job if I got divorced so I could keep our place and pay all bills myself as else I wouldnt be able to afford my childcare bill, whereas I know if I was on less its all paid for.

We have a co-dependant relationship. He couldn't afford childcare on his wages if he were alone, I couldn't pay the bills without his earnings if I were alone. I have no earning potential with or without him and if I was alone my dad would step in I think. I don't see how I will ever be independent again in all honesty.

But you said something like "dont worry if you split benefits will pay all your bills".
I took that to mean women always eaen so lirtle theyd automatically be entitlwd to everything. Apologi www a if ive misunderstood but ime it reinforces the views that. Men have careers and wonen have little jobs. I keep seeing rthat on here recently

Well I earn less than DH but only because I work 3 days a week (ie I earn the same on a pro rata basis). I could change job to a full time one and earn the same as him. But if we got divorced I am not sure I would be financially independent... I would need maintenance from him as my salary wouldn't cover mortgage bills childcare etc. That being said I could manage if I moved to a smaller house. If he died we have insurance which would pay of our mortgage and a bit more so I would manage. Doubt anyone with young kids is financially independent unless they have a very high salary - if we divorced and DH has custody of kids he'd need some maintenance from me, and if I died well he'd have the insurance so wouldn't have a mortgage.

How to be financially independent? ensure you have a well paying career before you have children.

My new job as I said is 35 an hour as I said. Dh makes 7 an hour. I would still quit and go on benefits though as without dh it would be easier and wouldnt lose too much as you have to self fund childcare, and I woulfnt want to do that for all our children without either dh or tax credits.

Its the other way round stealth in our house. I need dh to do all the housework and childcare else I wouldnt be able to cope as too many children now.

Re: childcare costs in newspaper - it's the salary of the lower paid partner is who relevant and not 50% of each salary! Because they could stay at home and look after the children. If a man earned £200k and the women earned £15k then the opportunity cost of the children being looked after at home £15k.

"If you got divorced then benefits would pay all your bills and childcare so it doesnt really matter.

Im still mystified as to how that leads to a general statement above but I see what youd do in ypur case. Inmy case, as for many b others im sure, I would continue in the career I love and would not get any benedits

I meant there is always the benefit system regardless so the op shouldnt worry. I suppose its because I could live in the same mortgaged property etc on benefits so its not something that ever would worry me. I suppose it doesnt work like that in London unfortunately. I think its reassuring that I would still have same place even if unemployed, or single.

In my area most couples that break up continue to libe in same house either mortgaged or rented, even after divorced as its funded by benefits so no need to move. Not had any friends have to downsize after breaking up even in 4/5 bed houses. I suppose its not that lucky in a lot if places in country.

Guybrush, me and dh have separate accounts. We don't present each other with bills for loo roll though. Dh pays all the household bills and mortgage.....which isn't as much as it sounds, approx £800 a month for everything.

I do the food shopping, also pay £50 a month for the sofas which we got on credit and £100 a month for my car. Though I guess it is my car so maybe I shouldn't count that. When dd was younger I used to pay childcare.

Dh does grumble sometimes that he pays more than me but he does earn 2x what I do. I don't think he pays 2x what I do so in my mind its fair.

I also pay all the little things which soon add up, clothes for dd, dd's pocket money, etc.