Are you financially independent?

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

So I am massively in favour of financial equality in a relationship. DH and I have a joint account into which both our salaries go and we both have free access to this. We don't have much spare money, but we manage our general life costs and spend within our means. DH earns more than me and since we had our daughter 18 months ago, I work part time (20 hours a week). We share everything.
But I'm not financially independent am I? Because if we split up (not something that is likely to happen, but it's good to plan!), I wouldn't be able to manage. The majority of what I earn goes on childcare (in reality, we obviously party childcare from our joint money, but if I didn't work we wouldn't have to pay it at all do it's a legitimate calculation to make). Alone I would be left with maybe £300/month after childcare and not much more if I went full time. We rent in an expensive city and it's a struggle to find anything under £1000/month.
So I guess what I'm asking is how does one become truly financially independent? Do you just have to earn loads yourself- enough so that you could manage everything alone? Or doesn't it matter?

Those of you who do have independent financial lives with partners, do you still have joint accounts and joint expenditure or is everything separate? I have a friend whose husband regularly presents her with receipts and informs her that she owes him half for the toilet roll he paid for or whatever. I always thought that seemed a bit bonkers.

In response to your sahm risk q::
I like to be optimistic, so I don't give much thought to splitting up or an accident/illness.
If we do, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. I have a degree, experience from before we had kids, and a good work ethic. So, I'll get a job if I need to. Or set up my own business if there's no jobs about .

Edwin, I totally agree with your mum, every time, while I was a SAHM, that I mentioned I was worried about not being financially independent he said he would take care of us... I still kick myself for stopping working to support his career... as soon as he got a a new steady partner he came and told me the state would take care of us.

And he was right, the state has not let us down, while he is not even bothering to pay the basic child maintenance despite his high income.

But also, I could be able to support the family on my own, but not in this house. We could move to something cheaper and I'd be fine - I just don't think me (or DH) wanting to be potentially independent from the other would be a justifiable reason to have a much lower standard of living now.

I am not financially independent from DH
but neither is he from me.
If God forbid he died the children and I would be fine.
If we divorced God forbid I would be fine.

If I died my life insurance would kick in to help Dh with childcare costs.

Yes totally
I earn more than dh but we are both earn a comfortable salary and both own houses bit one is rented out. Dh has a higher mortgage than me but it is tenanted so it works out the same after their rent.
We have seperate accounts and when a bill comes in, we both pay half. Food bill etc split in half.

So if pay direct debit, dh will give me cash towards it etc

It works for us

Probably not, as I depend on child maintenance and child tax credits and housing and council tax benefits to keep me and DS going.

Yes I am

"georgesdinoSun 23-Feb-14 20:54:38

If you got divorced then benefits would pay all your bills and childcare so it doesnt really matter.
"

Er what? How do you figure that

Not currently as DH is a very high earner and I am not but I work part time and could significantly increase my salary by working full time. We have large equity in our house and whilst I would have to move I could buy somewhere smaller with a much smaller mortgage. I would like to hope that DH would always support the children and I can't imagine that he wouldn't but yes, I could manage. If he dies or has to take ill health retirement I will be very well off, mortgage will be paid off, I will get a good income from his firm and they will also pay a large lump sum.

Op surely if yoi split half rhe childcare (either provision or financial) would be your dhs responsibility

You sound like you've got the life most people strive for - sound relationship and a job you love.
Fantastic!

Yes, it is nice to be financially independent but right now you've got nothing to worry about I would say.

Completely separate. 24 years and counting we've never had a joint account. I don't know what he earns nor does he know what I earn, it will be roughly the same but we don't discuss it.

No! But I am financially secure which is a different question.

I used to be. I worked part time all through my studies and lived with my parents for a large chunk of that time. I had very healthy savings about 2 years ago, but they nearly all went on our wedding and deposit for our house.

My PhD funding ended in August (I've just submitted my thesis) but I had enough saved up to get on with (albeit frugally). My money has now completely gone and I've been looking for a job for the past few months. I can't claim any benefits because, as I've studied up to PhD level, I haven't enough NI contributions and DH earns over the 17,000 bracket.

Not being financially independent is something that has always terrified me but me and DH talked on Friday night (I was actually spurred on by some wise MNers) and we've worked out an arrangement for until I'm earning again. I'm lucky to be in this position, I know, but it's the first time in a very long time that I haven't had my own, earned money. We don't yet have DCs but I'm sure we'll just pool all our earnings when we do.

We have joint everything and always have but if we did split I could support me ans dcs with no financial help from him.
And no benefits

I am now and always have been financially independent. By that I mean that if DH vanished tomorrow , my lifestyle would remain the same.

if you are married, have a will leaving all to each other and split all costs, you don't need to have separate financial accounts

it gets more hairy if 1) no will 2) not married

OP in answer to your question about joint accounts. Yes, we have one, we pay an equal percentage of our salaries, (so I contribute more) into a bills account which covers the mortgage, food, childcare, electricity plus a bit extra for meals out, trips to the cinema, the children's clothes etc. We also have a joint savings account which we both pay into on an ad hoc basis when we have a bit of spare cash and/or it gets low which pays for holidays, leaking roofs etc. The vast majority of our savings are held in our individual names although we are both aware of what the other has.

If I died DH would be fine, he is financially independent

If he died or we divorced my income would plummet like a stone

I would get a job but it would be less than a 10th of what DH earns

AF if there is an ex anywhere in the background it is vital to have seperate accounts.
And detailed wills.

YY what Mutton says.

an ex ?

if divorced and remarried then no need for separate accounts

being married with mirror wills is the best thing to do tp protect each other financially

< am not a family lawyer >

stealthpolarbear- ?