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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist visiting children eat their sausages?

191 replies

gruffalosmile · 21/02/2014 17:40

Have two of DD's friends over this afternoon, their Mum is working tonight so I have done them tea, they asked for sausages chips and beans which I provided (early tea as they are being picked up soon). One got down from the table without asking, the other is still there but neither ate their (good quality) sausages. They cost me 3 quid, I am a bit cross. I have asked them to come back to the table and eat their sausages (I won't insist they eat all of them, I just want a token effort). They looked at me like I was some sort of harridan. AIBU??

OP posts:
echt · 21/02/2014 19:38

YANBU, and you point was proven by their eating most, if not all the food they asked for and then eating the pudding. So they weren't full after all.

Their surprise at your insistence only shows how they've been allowed to get away with poor manners. And yes, you do have right to insist on these manners in your home.

curiousuze · 21/02/2014 19:38

Well I'm sure the OP has more than £30 a week, but was just in response to everyone saying 'it's £3, get over it.' To some people, £3 is a bigger deal.

youarewinning · 21/02/2014 19:38

I mis worded that - I meant telling children not to damage properly/ jump on furniture does equate to teaching them good manners. It's bad manner to be disrespectful to people's property.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 21/02/2014 19:40

Yes curious- £3 is a big deal to me which is why inwouldnt spend it on expensive sausages. Im sure you wouldnt either.

redcaryellowcar · 21/02/2014 19:45

i think yanbu, it drives me mad when food is wasted, i don't mind food left on plates but not as a result if no effort of trying to eat it a bit, i agree entirely that its all the more frustrating when they have asked for something specific!
i can't work out what to do with one friend and her little girl other than to stop inviting them over, think best option is to arrange to meet out. don't want to hijack your thread but practical advice on how to cope with this would be useful!?

TeamWill · 21/02/2014 19:48

Agree with echt
They ate most of the sausages in the end .
Cant abide lazy do what you like parents.
Ultimately its their DC with no manners who suffer .

Original poster
gruffalosmile · 21/02/2014 19:49

Wow, never realised what a storm in a frying pan this would become! To clarify, they asked for sausages and I said what with and they said chips and beans. They were from the supermarket. Plain sausages, not herby or with apple in or anything. I gave them about a third of a tin of beans each and a handful of chips. I asked them nicely if they could try and eat a bit more sausage, and they did. I thanked them and said I hate to see food wasted and they said so does our Mum! I do totally agree with all the posters who said children should not be forced to eat. I remember having to eat tinned boiled new potatoes when on holiday with a friend and I was almost sick. So I would never force, and I didn't really even insist, it was more of a request. In future I might serve them in a dish and they can help themselves rather than plate them up, or ask how many they thought they could eat. My own DD is very skinny and a bit of a fussy eater so often has to be "encouraged" to eat especially protein, I guess that's what I'm used to. Thanks all.

OP posts:
behindthetimes · 21/02/2014 19:53

YANBU, they asked for this food, and they are in someone elses house so good manners should prevail. I'm not saying force it down their throat but yes, a token effort is to be expected.

Turnipinatutu · 21/02/2014 19:58

It would annoy me if they didn't even try them, so no, YANBU.
But fussy kids piss me off.

whatever5 · 21/02/2014 19:59

I meant telling children not to damage properly/ jump on furniture does equate to teaching them good manners. It's bad manner to be disrespectful to people's property.

I don't think that stopping someone else's child from damaging your property equates to teaching them good manners! Damaging property is a bit worse than being impolite.

D0oinMeCleanin · 21/02/2014 20:08

Dd2 is almost vegetarian, by her own choice. She wouldn't tell you she was vegetarian, she doesn't have a name for her diet, she just won't eat most meat products on account of animals should be our friends, she might possibly ask for beans and sausages, what she would mean is a tin of beans with vege sausages.

Out of politeness she would not mention that the sausages she was provided with were not the kind she meant, she would just quietly leave them. If she was pressured into eating them, she would do so to be polite, she'd also be very upset and I would be livid.

I know this because it has happened before, luckily the person in question had the common sense to let dd2 leave her sausages and ring me to let me know she'd only eaten potatos and carrots. I now remember to mention that she doesn't eat meat (she is the only vege in the house) when she goes out for tea. I'm also trying to get dd2 to remember that thou shalt not eat our friends is best phrased as "I am vegetarian"

YABVU.

indigo18 · 21/02/2014 20:08

To those posters who are horrified at the "your house, your rules" idea, and saying " you shouldn't impose your ideas on visiting children, I say you most certainly can! Shoes off, respect my furniture, don't waste food you have requested, make as little mess as possible and play nicely. Always worked for us.

Sparklysilversequins · 21/02/2014 20:09

I wouldn't dream of insisting that A GUEST ate anything, ever. I too would offer options. It's called being a good host. You've no right to insist anyone eats anything, would you do the same if it was an adult guest I wonder? Probably not, so don't do it to children then.

echt · 21/02/2014 20:12

The OP did offer options, she gave them exactly what they asked for.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 21/02/2014 20:14

"i can't work out what to do with one friend and her little girl other than to stop inviting them over, think best option is to arrange to meet out. don't want to hijack your thread but practical advice on how to cope with this would be useful!?"

Seriously? I would lighten up and accept that's just how they are and it really is not a big deal if someone occasionally doesnt try everythinh on their plate in your house. These are friends right?

DoJo · 21/02/2014 20:15

So there you go OP - if your title had been 'To ask visiting children to at least try their sausages' you would probably have had much more support. I think it was the idea that you were going to be a bit more...well...insistent about it that rankled! Grin

trampstamp · 21/02/2014 20:17

My view is leave what you like but don't frig ask for anything else

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 21/02/2014 20:23

My "rules" are:

Try everything, if you don't like it you don't have to eat it

When you are full you can leave anything left on your plate

You wait for every one to finish eating and then can get down from the table

....and no elbows on the table

I'm a bossy boots at meal time. Grin

DearPrudence · 21/02/2014 20:27

I love how this started off as as 'AIBU to insist' and being 'a bit cross', and has morphed into asking 'nicely'.

I don't get the wasting food argument. If anything, not eating the food gives you a chance to use the leftovers, thereby saving money.

notimetotidy · 21/02/2014 20:29

When my DS was about 6 he went to his friend's house for tea and told his friend's mum that he was sorry but he didn't eat burned sausages! She told me he'd said this and laughed but I was mortified. I told him no matter what to always at least try things in other people's houses and then just say he was full up if he really didn't like it. Never had another complaint!

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/02/2014 20:34

Fucking hell...... poor OP, having to describe in detail how much of a portion she prescribed for each plate.

Tallypet · 21/02/2014 21:06

YANBU. First I can't believe that you have ti justify the cost of the sausages. It doesn't matter how much it cost, your finances are no one else's business. I was brought up to be polite and eat the meal in front of me and thank the person who cooked it. I do it to this day at friends houses eg. I hate fish but I'd bloody swallow chunks whole so as not to offend my hosts.

It's not like you force fed them. I can't believe the reactions of some posters. You asked them what they'd like to eat and gave it to them. They seem fussy and lacking in basic table manners.

ReadyToPopAndFresh · 21/02/2014 21:08

Assuming the children aren't vegetarian. then NO YANBU op.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 21/02/2014 21:24

It was OP who mentioned the cost of the sausages as if it was relevant in the OP.

Also yes portion sizes are relevant as if they'd had lots of chips then of course they wont want to eat more!

Catsize · 21/02/2014 21:42

YANBU.
I think that it is basic manners when at someone else's house to eat what is provided (unless you really are full), and to wait to leave the table, and these children are old enough to know both these things in theory.
Although as a veggie, I still can't bring myself to feed my son meat sausages (he is 2), but know that the time is nigh. DP gave him cocktail sausages at someone's party, but I wasn't complicit. Totally irrelevant, but needed to get that off my chest. Smile

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