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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist visiting children eat their sausages?

191 replies

gruffalosmile · 21/02/2014 17:40

Have two of DD's friends over this afternoon, their Mum is working tonight so I have done them tea, they asked for sausages chips and beans which I provided (early tea as they are being picked up soon). One got down from the table without asking, the other is still there but neither ate their (good quality) sausages. They cost me 3 quid, I am a bit cross. I have asked them to come back to the table and eat their sausages (I won't insist they eat all of them, I just want a token effort). They looked at me like I was some sort of harridan. AIBU??

OP posts:
Monetbyhimself · 21/02/2014 18:17

It's not just ANY old sausage though. It's a £3 sausage Grin

OP I don't stress to much about mealtimes/ manners when the kids have friends over. I'd rather they just had loads of fun.

defineme · 21/02/2014 18:17

I would bring them back to the table if they were wanting pudding, but i wouldn't mention the food.
Ime so many kids are fussy and I'm dammed if I'm going to interfere with other kids and their issues-I am not their mother.
I'd worry |I'd make them worse.
I would have assumed it was because they were different to the ones they had at home.
What I have had to explain to my kids is that it's fine for us as a family to share food around eg ds2 can't finish sausage so dd1 politely asks if she can have it, but we don't do that with other people's left overs!

squeakytoy · 21/02/2014 18:19

At the ages of 8 and 10 I would expect children to have decent table manners and also to eat what is put in front of them, particularly if it is something that they have said they normally eat. And it is waste if it is not eaten as it cost money and could have been eaten by someone else, plus the child will eat something else to make up for leaving it.

I am sure if any of you were to spend money on food then put it straight into the bin you would see it as waste.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/02/2014 18:19

She didn't force them to eat, just to return to the table and have a go.

Bloody hell, where did OP say she made them sit there and force the sausages down.

She didn't.

ExcuseTypos · 21/02/2014 18:19

yourlittlesecret
You are not their mother, it is not your job to teach them manners. Whatever your rules for your own family please resist imposing them on visitors. They will never feel comfortable in your home again and to me it is hugely important that my DC friends are made welcome.

I agree 100% with this.

Fluffycloudland77 · 21/02/2014 18:20

If you'd served crappy low meat, high cereal pink sausages they'd have wolfed them down.

You bought naice sausages Sad

I have the same problem with dh.

DamnBamboo · 21/02/2014 18:20

I am actually speechless at the number of people who would comment to g a guest on what they do and don't eat.

They not be great guests, but you sure as heck aren't a good hosts either - if you comment on what people do and don't eat and then berate them for it.

ExcuseTypos · 21/02/2014 18:21

Yes it is a waste- but as I always say to people who go on about wasting food- it all ends up down the loo anyway, so whether it's the loo or the bin, it doesn't bother me.

youarewinning · 21/02/2014 18:22

Fwiw a friend of mine used to cook dinner for her dcs and let them eat 3 mouthfuls - praise them for eating it and allow them to snack continuously. When they tried it here I was nice and just said (after they'd eaten 3 mouthfuls and asked what was for pudding) there was fruit for anyone still hungry after their dinner. Was careful not to mention eating it all but making sure the message that I'd cooked a meal and at least try and eat was made.

A few uncomfortable mealtimes as they tried to push it more and more at first but they soon made an effort to eat what I'd cooked! Tbf I don't blame the dcs as they were always defended by their mum and were spoilt. In fact the one time my DS didn't finish a earl my friend had made she made a big deal about it. However my ds ate nothing else the whole time as he really was just not hungry!

DamnBamboo · 21/02/2014 18:23

Insisting to a small child they come back and eat what they are told to by another adult, is not very different to 'forcing' them. What if they don't - do they sit there until they do?

The word 'Forcing' I agree, is a bit strong though perhaps.

bronya · 21/02/2014 18:24

No pudding, and make sure your friend knows that you offered what they asked for, but they didn't eat it. Not your problem then.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/02/2014 18:25

But they ate!! They ate chips and beans they were probably full. It's not like they refused everything.

TiggyCBE · 21/02/2014 18:25

You don't want them to try their sausages. It would be better if they didn't touch them. Mmmmmmm, sausage sandwiches tomorrow!

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/02/2014 18:25

Would you have made them eat all the chips if they had left those but eaten sausages?

MTBMummy · 21/02/2014 18:25

YANBU- they're not fussy toddlers, they asked for it, they should at least try it, and as for getting down before everyone has finished or even asking, definitely not, it's basic manners

howrudeforme · 21/02/2014 18:26

I believe it's your house your rules. But wouldn't have ds over at yours.

Onesleeptillwembley · 21/02/2014 18:27

Sometimes though, even the 'naicest' sausages can be ruined if they aren't cooked however you like them. For example, I can't eat a sausage that's not been seared thoroughly all over the outside - undercooked (in my opinion) sausage skin is revolting.

youarewinning · 21/02/2014 18:30

I agree that at 8 and 10 they should have better basic manners.

Wait at table until everyone is finished
Leave what you don't want on the plate
Wait until host has finished (or host child) and when asked if your finished say yes thank you.
Wait and see if your offered a dessert.

It doesn't matter if the amount of food or pudding rules are different to your own home. No child will starve on a few hour play date.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/02/2014 18:33

Well it didn't seem to upset the guests as they ate the chocolate cake and raspberries afterwards.

If invited back, I doubt they'll tell their mum they don't want to go, probably still see gruffalo as fun mum.

There's also the matter of gruff's dd. Why should she see her mates act as they wish in her home when her mum wouldn't let her walk away when she felt like it?

whatever5 · 21/02/2014 18:37

I don't think anyone disagrees that the children were bad mannered to not try and eat the sausages. I just don't get why the OP thinks other children's manners are any of her business. I also think she is quite bad mannered herself to make a big deal out of what guests do and don't eat.

HighlanderMam · 21/02/2014 18:38

They probably like cheap shitty sausages. I know I do

YABU to insist they eat the sausages.

YANBU to think they should have tried them, even if it was just a taste.

Leaving the table without asking is rude. I was always taught to say 'Please may I leave the table?' as a child.

rach6122 · 21/02/2014 18:40

Yanbu old enough to at least try what they had asked for. Glad they ate some in the end!

Fairy1303 · 21/02/2014 18:40

MN Fascinates me!

Of COURSE you are NBU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bloody hell!
they asked for sausages and didn't eat them at all? the OP wasn't even saying they had to eat all of them! It's just basic! I would have expected them to at least have a reasonable effort too, OP, but I have been told I'm too strict (control freak Ii think were the words) over a similar scenario with casserole by the ladies of MN!

Well done for sticking to your guns!

Bonsoir · 21/02/2014 18:40

I never insist that visiting children eat anything. I always have alternatives on offer.

diddlediddledumpling · 21/02/2014 18:46

ExcuseTypos I'm thinking you missed something in your biology lessons. Of course it doesn't all end up down the loo! Why do you think we eat?!
Meat is largely protein, which is digested and absorbed, then used for growth. The only stuff that ends up down the loo is the indigestible material, largely plant matter. But again, by no means all of the plant matter: often plenty of carbs and some protein in there too.

Fwiw, there was clearly no forcing going on here. I'm with op.

Also, for the poster who wants to be seen as 'fun mum', why on earth?! Reminds me of those teachers who think they're down with the kids.