Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

To insist visiting children eat their sausages?

191 replies

gruffalosmile · 21/02/2014 17:40

Have two of DD's friends over this afternoon, their Mum is working tonight so I have done them tea, they asked for sausages chips and beans which I provided (early tea as they are being picked up soon). One got down from the table without asking, the other is still there but neither ate their (good quality) sausages. They cost me 3 quid, I am a bit cross. I have asked them to come back to the table and eat their sausages (I won't insist they eat all of them, I just want a token effort). They looked at me like I was some sort of harridan. AIBU??

OP posts:

Adeleh · 21/02/2014 18:00

I remember being forced to eat macaroni cheese at a friend's house and gagging and being genuinely worried that I would be sick at their table.(But I hadn't asked for macaroni cheese). I do think that sausages can taste very different in other people's houses. I wouldn't make a child eat food in my house though. Mind you, my sister does, and my DS lives in terror of being made to eat her very delicious wholesome homemade soup. I think I'm maybe a bit lax though about that kind of thing.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 21/02/2014 18:00

If they ate all beans and chips maybe they were full up and didnt have room for sausages. Maybe you gae them to many chips and beans. Also- some children eat things in order, so chips first then beans etc and if there were too many then no room for sausages.

Seriously though- chill! If they have bad manners thats their parents' issue to deal with. Not yours.

lljkk · 21/02/2014 18:02

I'd eat their uneaten sausages (nuke 'em again if you're bothered about germs).
I hate waste but it's ungracious as a hostess to be pushy about what they eat.

aderynlas · 21/02/2014 18:02

Tea at yours sounds lovely gruffalo. Fresh raspberries and chocolate cake mmmmmm.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/02/2014 18:03

I don't think you did anything I wouldn't have done.

You weren't unreasonable at all and all is well as they did as you asked and had more to eat.

OP hasn't forced them to lick the plate clean, have you OP?

Topseyt · 21/02/2014 18:03

You were definitely NOT being unreasonable. I would have done similar.

It was very bad manners of them to ask specifically for something so that you went out to get it, and then not to even try to eat it. If I were their mum and I was told of that then I would be having words with them.

I would also have told them not to leave the table until given permission too.

Maybe I am just an old dragon, but that is how I think.

diabolo · 21/02/2014 18:04

Any other day and the OP would have most of these replies on her side. MN can be a very strange place.

If they asked for sausages and you gave them sausages I think they should bloody well eat them. Probably your sausages are different to what they normally have, some good quality sausages can be quite dry and meaty, rather than Richmond type 48% meat low quality ones.

Ragwort · 21/02/2014 18:05

Yes, I would be annoyed too and would have reminded the children that they asked for sausages and I would expect them to at least eat half of what you offered.

You sound very generous to have provided fresh raspberries for pudding .

As someone else commented, I would be horrified if my DS behaved like that in someone else's house. I am amazed at how fussy some children are - ie asking for pasta and then not eating it if it is the wrong 'shape'. I would hope that if a child is that fussy the parent would warn you in advance before you go shopping. I have a relative who has very specific eating habits but the parents always make it very clear what she can eat and usually provide her food themselves.

Nocomet · 21/02/2014 18:06

If they are 10 and 8 and asked for sausages YANBU, unless your sausages are as awful as a certain museums chicken nuggets.

I assumed DD2 was just being her usual inpatient awkward self until I tasted one they were grey and tasted it!

DamnBamboo · 21/02/2014 18:06

OP, how old are these kids?

mousmous · 21/02/2014 18:08

yanbu

they wanted ssusages, got sausages and didn't even try .

ExcuseTypos · 21/02/2014 18:09

I would be horrified if my DDs did this at 10 and 8, without a very good reason.

However, when I've had children over for tea, I have never ever insisted they ate anything. I still have memories of being forced to eat food I didn't like as a child and I just wouldn't do it to another child.

Eating is such a personal thing, they may have hated the colour of them, the smell,the taste, width etc etc. yes they may being fussy but that's up to their parents/family to sort out- not you.

yourlittlesecret · 21/02/2014 18:09

You are not their mother, it is not your job to teach them manners. Whatever your rules for your own family please resist imposing them on visitors. They will never feel comfortable in your home again and to me it is hugely important that my DC friends are made welcome.

Fairylea · 21/02/2014 18:09

Yabu. I'm not one for making a fuss about food anyway to be honest (I'd never ask the dc to eat more of anything, if they don't want it that's fine by me and I offer something else boring like beans on toast if they're still hungry later).. but certainly when you have other people's children over you can't expect them to eat much of anything. They're usually too over excited about playing and whatever else to bother to eat much.

I'd just want them to see me as the "fun" parent and nice mum so they wanted to come back and play again.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 21/02/2014 18:09

Btw- growing up in my house, dinner was what mum made but i had a friend in secondary school and when visited the first time her mum asked me what i wanted for dinner. I was and said "just whatever you're making please" and she said "no, tell me what you want and we'll get it" so i thought ok theyre just being really nice as im a guest but no, the whole family of 6 plus me went to the shop and we all picked separate meals! I was shocked. The mum then went home and cooked all these separate dinners. It happened everytime i went so i assume thats how they did dinner so it could be normal for the children in the OP to just say what they want for dinner and expect it to be made- that doesnt mean they have bad manners or were being rude!

youarewinning · 21/02/2014 18:10

For child who upped and left a simple - in this house we sit at the table until dinner is finished.

To child not eating but waiting - say nothing.

The only time I comment on guests not eating is when halfway through they ask what is for pudding or say they've finished and ask for pudding. Then I would say if your still hungry after you've finished your dinner I have some fruit. If they finish or at least eat a reasonable amount then, and only then would I offer ice cream.

Some children won't eat a whole meal if they know there's a nice desert beaches they have the mentality they'll be full and have no room. Let's face it ice cream or sausages?

DamnBamboo · 21/02/2014 18:11

We are talking about sausages here people! Not champagne lobster - sausages.
They ate the beans and the chips -they were full.

Why do people think it is ok to force them to eat it because they're children and that they don't know when they've had enough.

Would any of you try to force and adult to eat it? My guess is not.

FWIW the getting up and leaving the table thing is pretty rude, but if not's the done think in their house - then how would they know.

My kids always ask to leave the table but they've been taught to do this.

Mim78 · 21/02/2014 18:12

Wtf?

Of course yanbu. Staying at the table is basic manners. And so is eating what is put in front of you when a guest, especially when you asked for it!

Really don't understand mn sometimes.

Adeleh · 21/02/2014 18:14

Agree with aderynlas btw - I'd be delighted to come to your house for that tea.

DamnBamboo · 21/02/2014 18:14

My DS3 little friend came for tea a few weeks back (they are both 4).

I too grilled some good quality (since this seems to be important) sausages and served with homemade wedges and peas.

The little girl ate nothing.

I asked her if she wanted to try it and she shook her head, even though when I'd said earlier are sausages ok?

I would never have dreamed of forcing her to eat them!

DamnBamboo · 21/02/2014 18:14

Goodness, excuse my typos - watching cartoons, playing angry birds, mumsnetting and drinking wine is hard work

whatever5 · 21/02/2014 18:16

I wouldn't dream of making someone else's child eat the food I had cooked. I think that's quite unnecessary and nasty. You may have given them sausages but the ones you made probably taste quite different to the ones they are used to.

MrsCakesPremonition · 21/02/2014 18:16

I'd say something pretty sharp to any friend of mine who came to my house for a meal, asked for something specific and then refused to eat it and I'd keep the chocolate cake for myself.

Cakebaker35 · 21/02/2014 18:17

mim78 well said

scottishmummy · 21/02/2014 18:17

Oh ignore the your house your Rules,it's a silly mn mantra.Scrape their plate
I wouldn't cajole someone else kids to eat,I don't cajole my own kids
I scrape plate offer fruit or yoghurt.no treat if they won't eat proper food

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8