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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist visiting children eat their sausages?

191 replies

gruffalosmile · 21/02/2014 17:40

Have two of DD's friends over this afternoon, their Mum is working tonight so I have done them tea, they asked for sausages chips and beans which I provided (early tea as they are being picked up soon). One got down from the table without asking, the other is still there but neither ate their (good quality) sausages. They cost me 3 quid, I am a bit cross. I have asked them to come back to the table and eat their sausages (I won't insist they eat all of them, I just want a token effort). They looked at me like I was some sort of harridan. AIBU??

OP posts:
youarewinning · 21/02/2014 18:48

Well TBf other peoples manners are a hosts business - it's their home.

I wouldn't have tried to get them to eat more but I do think the OP was BU in what she asked. I find far too much nowadays that so many people get up in arms about people imposing rules or expectations in their house and call them strict. One friendship I had nearly ended because the mum thought I was too strict and that's why her children played up. Not her dcs were wrong for writing on ds furniture, sticking stickers on his toys and around the house and repeatedly jumping on furniture. When we visited there they were allowed to watch a film or sit at the table and draw and never allowed upstairs or to play with the toys. She never did see it even when the childminder had cause to speak to her about her dcs manners and behaviours etc she thought it was the childminder who was crap. Ironically after another childminder then after school club she ended up at original childminder. It took some time but eventually she realised the whole world couldn't be wrong and that her dcs weren't picked on by all the professionals and in fact were just outraged anyone expected them to behave in a place they thought they should have fun.

They were bloody angels at school Grin

ExcuseTypos · 21/02/2014 18:48

Same here Bonsoir- I want children to feel welcome and want to come back.

I usually make a "put it together yourself" meal for children I don't know very well- so maybe fajitas, but with everything in bowls so they can put what they like on their plate.

youarewinning · 21/02/2014 18:49

Don't think the op was BU!!! Important typo allert!

Pumpkinpositive · 21/02/2014 18:49

YABU to force them to eat it. Did they give a reason for not eating what they'd expressly asked for?

However, if they ask for ice cream, YWNBU to tell them to fuck off. Grin

Ragwort · 21/02/2014 18:50

diddle - my pet hate, mums who set out to be 'fun' and 'hip'. Grin

Ragwort · 21/02/2014 18:51

Excuse - but the Op did make the children welcome by asking what they wanted to eat and they said 'sausages' Hmm.

Bonsoir · 21/02/2014 18:52

Exactly - visiting DC are just that, visitors, and my job as hostess to any visitors to my home is to ensure they enjoy themselves!

Which is not to say I ply them with cake/fizzy drinks/ice cream/sweets. Not at all.

landrover · 21/02/2014 18:52

Clearly you are all saints! and want nothing more than your wonderful children to have loads of fun with their friends!
If they have asked for sausages i would have expected children to have tried them, if they didn't like them, fine, but if they haven't even attempted them then I would ask them to try them at least! That is good manners wherever you are!!!! It seems our children are so spoilt these days!

Fairy1303 · 21/02/2014 18:52

I may be blind or too sleep deprived but nowhere can I see where the OP says she 'forced' the children to eat their sausages.

happy to be proven wrong.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 21/02/2014 18:55

If the girls didnt even try their sausages that suggests to me they were already full and knew they didnt want anything else. Or they didnt like the look or smell of them. Easy to be put off something by smell or appearance and if theyd eaten chips and beans then they wont be hungry.

DamnBamboo · 21/02/2014 18:55

The 'forced' thing has been addressed if you read the thread!

MoominsYonisAreScary · 21/02/2014 18:56

Well they obviously wernt full as they ate the sausage and then had cake.

ExcuseTypos · 21/02/2014 18:56

Yes but knowing some children, they probably weren't exactly the same sausages as their mum makes- hence they didn't want them.

Anyway enough about sausages- I just would never tell a child (or adult) that they should eat more food. IMO that is bad manners.

collarsandcuffs · 21/02/2014 18:56

I would expect them to try them because they asked for them. If they didn't I would assume they have had enough and are therefore too full for pudding. Should they want pudding then they eat what they have asked for.

diddlediddledumpling · 21/02/2014 18:57

Ragwort mine too.

DamnBamboo · 21/02/2014 18:58

Clearly you are all saints! and want nothing more than your wonderful children to have loads of fun with their friends!

Yes yes that's it - you've got it. Hmm

It's either be the one who goes 'meh, it's only one meal of many, you've eaten all your chips and beans so go play before you go home' or the one who goes 'you will eat these shitty processed pieces of meat on your plate because they cost me £3'

I know which one I'd rather be!

whatever5 · 21/02/2014 18:58

Well TBf other peoples manners are a hosts business - it's their home.

I totally disagree. I don't let others people children run riot or cause damage/mess in my home but I don't think it's my job to teach them about good manners.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 21/02/2014 18:58

Ok so the look or smell put them off. Thats no crime. People are entitled to think that they dont fancy eating something once theyve had a look at and whiff of it.

Wantsunshine · 21/02/2014 18:58

Don't let it bother you and don't get worked up about it. It was 3 quid.

DamnBamboo · 21/02/2014 18:59

And eating pudding is never about being full now is it! I love the way mums on here use these rules for their kids but actually wonder how many apply it to themselves.

VulvaBeaker · 21/02/2014 18:59

10 and 8?

You could delay their fun for ten minutes while everyone eats. They should at least have sit and stare at their sausages protractedly if they've asked for them and aren't eating them, I guess.

Really though, what can you do? Pragmatism and being fairly easy going are the order of the day when it's not your kids.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/02/2014 18:59

Fairy she didn't force them.

I clearly don't read things how some others do.

Oh well, who gives a fuckity fuck Grin

toldmywrath · 21/02/2014 19:00

I don't think you're being unreasonable. They asked for sausages-they could at least try to eat them. And they should not leave the table without asking/waiting for all to finish & then asking.

DarlingGrace · 21/02/2014 19:00

I'd just assume they were very poorly brought up with dreadful manners and resolve that my children didnt mix with such plebeians again. Grin

DomesticSlobbess · 21/02/2014 19:05

MN Fascinates me!

Of COURSE you are NBU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bloody hell!
they asked for sausages and didn't eat them at all? the OP wasn't even saying they had to eat all of them! It's just basic! I would have expected them to at least have a reasonable effort too, OP

I agree with this! They asked for that particular meal. It's not like the OP made them some horrid concoction they'd never tried before. YANBU to ask them to at least try the sausages.

BUT I do think it's fine to leave the table even if others are still eating. I'm a slow eater and I HATE being the last one left to eat while other people just sit there. Fuck off and let me eat my dinner and stop watching me