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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make a noise in my house

243 replies

softcat · 20/02/2014 20:07

Hello

This situation is driving me a bit mad. I live in a semi detached house with DH, DS1 and DS2. Our neighbours moved in a couple of years ago and since then they have not stopped complaining about footfalls, kids "screaming and crying all the time" (I think they seem pretty cheerful but perhaps this is subjective). Doors slamming (again I think this is normal door shutting). We have tried to minimise noise by fitting the thickest underlay possible and fitting soft closers on all doors that we can. I feel that I spend my life telling the kids to be quiet and get really tense if they raise their voices, run or get upset.
They are threatening us with environmental health and solicitors. There is a bit of finger pointing and bosom hoiking. Some pretty heavy insinuation that I am a shit parent and I am aware that she is pretty nasty about me to anyone who will listen.
So… how much noise is acceptable! How quiet are your kids? Do they walk around in the house and do they ever shout or jump? Do they always keep their hands on the door handle and make sure it doesn't bang?

OP posts:
SocialMediaAddict · 30/05/2014 08:23

Hope you get to move.

ILikeWarmHugs · 30/05/2014 08:47

I think you should beat her to it and make a formal complaint about her intruding into your family time. Peering over the fence? Making comments? Telling visitors how to close your front door?

I would start logging any interaction they have with you and if it seems unreasonable (it sounds like it is) then make a complaint. You and your children deserve to live a happy, peaceful life too! She is preventing you from doing that.

There is no way you would be seen at fault if you have spent 2k on improvements!

Pipbin · 30/05/2014 08:50

OP this is dreadful. Your poor DS. I hope the sale doesn't fall through.
This is the downside with making formal complaints about neighbours; it has to be declared on the forms. That is why we didn't pursue our noisey neighbour through environmental health.

ExCinnamon · 30/05/2014 11:23

Hi op, I hope your buyers are Heavy Metal freaks or people who will party every weekend (or ideally both).

Your neighbours are crazy and I hope you get to move.

sisterofmercy · 30/05/2014 11:42

Dear god. That last post is horrifying. The law needs to get involved now. I hope the police help. I think that if the sale falls through (I hope not!) that you need to go and get some legal advice about harassment and threats at the very least.

tanukiton · 30/05/2014 12:24

In my first flat my upstairs neighbours were like this. I asked the family underneath if we were too loud they said no. Upstairs complained that we were too noisy on the weekends (I usually was at my mums). The best part was when the flat above them was rented out to musicians .HA HA HA HA.

You could always rent your property out to students :) Who like bass.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/05/2014 12:46

Oh my good god OP. Did you report her?

Your poor DS Sad and you. This woman is barking!

Original poster
softcat · 30/05/2014 15:26

Hello, thanks for replying. I was in a proper headspin yesterday.

Our buyers seem really nice and we have told the buyer what happened and they are going to see the neighbours on Sunday to see if they think they can get on with them.

Yes I have reported her, this seems to have happened off the back of me growing a backbone and giving him what for for harassing and threatening my family…

I cannot believe the mentality of them - I could hear her in her living room the other day screaming for about an hour the other evening about how shit we were and that she wanted us out - it was so disturbing that I had to tell my husband to keep the kids out of the house for a bit…then the next day he sticks his head over the fence to tell my husband that we have to stop the kids from "shouting and screaming" in the garden.

I went all Jeremy Kyle on his arse shouting at him in the street like a maniac in my dressing gown. Told him never to speak to me or my family again and after that I felt really good, like I had asserted myself a bit and not been a push over.

A few hours later the kids are riding bikes on the close and my husband is on the drive, he hears a car coming in fast, my oldest child shouting for help and sees her driving right up behind our youngest (ds age 5) with a rage face and not slowing. He was pedalling as fast as he could and came flying into the drive in tears asking if they were going to kill him. I don't think it could be unintentional as she would have had plenty of time to see him.

Today my little boy is anxious, getting overwhelmed by trivial things and weeing very often (this has been an issue before when he gets stressed). Poor little lad.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 30/05/2014 15:49

Oh my good god OP she really is deranged. What did the police say?

HeadfirstForHalos · 30/05/2014 16:05

What did the police say?

Your neighbours are self important deranged twats.

halfwildlingwoman · 30/05/2014 17:37

Oh My God. I want to kill her, so god knows how you must feel. Please say the police charged her.

ModernToss · 30/05/2014 18:05

Do the buyers have children?

I am very impressed at your honesty with them, but it's brave of you to let them meet these bloody lunatics. Fingers crossed the meeting goes well.

Really, I am so angry on your behalf too.

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 30/05/2014 18:55

Please tell us what the police said. I am so angry on your behalf. How dare she do that to a small child?

YouAreCompletelyRight · 30/05/2014 19:04

We had neighbours like yours. We lived through shit with them for 3 years until they realised they were fighting a losing battle. If we'd moved they'd have only got new neighbours who made the same, normal, noise as we do. They sold up a year or so ago to a couple and their child who are normal like us. Yes there is noise, but nothing that would interest EH. We were threatened by them and bullied and had music and banging at 3am (they must have set their alarms) in retaliation for us walking about our home after they'd gone to bed. Our DD2 was months old when they first complained and they moaned about her crying and us getting up in the night to see to her.

Do what we did, carry on as normal and hope to see a for sale sign in the not too distant future. When our neighbours finally moved it was like getting a new house for us.

You have my sympathies OP.

YouAreCompletelyRight · 30/05/2014 19:05

Sorry, not RTFT, slapped wrist for me.

Original poster
softcat · 30/05/2014 20:20

Well, if I was going to report it to the police then I had to tell the buyers so I had to make that choice. The police have just left their house now and she is shouting "bastards" loudly….

OP posts:
ModernToss · 30/05/2014 20:30

So she's shouting again?

It's as if they simply don't recognise the noise they make themselves - and it's not just the ordinary noise of a family living a normal life, but screaming and shouting. Completely weird.

Original poster
softcat · 30/05/2014 20:49

To be fair they are pretty normal in their noise, they have a dog which barks and they have a pretty boisterous toddler once a week. I don't have a problem with that.
It has only been a few occasions when she loses it and really makes the walls shake. Maybe she just feels really angry all the time, I don't know. I am still in shock with what she did, absolutely vile, sociopathic behaviour. And it has really upset him, taken away his confidence, he has not been right today at all.

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 30/05/2014 20:57

OMG! How awful! And how stupid of her, she may have just wrecked the house sale. Sad

Original poster
softcat · 30/05/2014 21:36

Yep, police have just been back in touch. Apparently she was very upset that she might have upset the children….that'll be why she was shouting bastards really loudly then!!!
She was so upset that she will not be apologising or reassuring them that she will not hurt them???
So there is nothing the police can do. And I have probably lost our buyers!

Fucking brilliant.

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 31/05/2014 03:06

Ok, you lose your buyers, obviously make sure your dc are safe, and live life as normal. No more fecking compromises.

sykadelic · 31/05/2014 05:05

www.avforums.com/threads/sound-proofing-party-wall.933427/

www.ourproperty.co.uk/guides/how_to_soundproof_your_house.html

There are a few links that talk about good sound insulation. I would try some of that, perhaps talk to an attorney about sharing the cost.

You could also try a white noise generator to lower what you hear from her noise (the sound of water apparently helps a lot).

I know it's hard, but the best thing you can do is just let it go. If she comes over, just tell them its your house, they're kids, they need to invest in sound-proofing. Tell them that you will report them for harassment and make sure you keep a log of everything.

DesertRose1958 · 31/05/2014 06:00

It all sounds horrific but perhaps by losing your sale you can now stand up to these people and make them sorry they ever got started on you.

I had a situation in the Uk with a horrible horrible neighbor who made the mistake of adding my severely disabled son to her target. She only did it once and the police were at her door an hour later - they moved 6 months later. The day she started on my son was the final straw because that was the day I showed her via the police and my reaction to what happened - she was nothing but a bully and she fled.

Original poster
softcat · 31/05/2014 08:05

Thanks DesertRose, I don't have any option but to stand up to the now. I am not letting anything go anymore x x x

OP posts:
Pipbin · 31/05/2014 08:43

I think you should let her know that her actions have caused the sale to fall through and therefore stopped her from getting new neighbours which is what she clearly wants.