to make a noise in my house

[softcat]

Hello

This situation is driving me a bit mad. I live in a semi detached house with DH, DS1 and DS2. Our neighbours moved in a couple of years ago and since then they have not stopped complaining about footfalls, kids "screaming and crying all the time" (I think they seem pretty cheerful but perhaps this is subjective). Doors slamming (again I think this is normal door shutting). We have tried to minimise noise by fitting the thickest underlay possible and fitting soft closers on all doors that we can. I feel that I spend my life telling the kids to be quiet and get really tense if they raise their voices, run or get upset.
They are threatening us with environmental health and solicitors. There is a bit of finger pointing and bosom hoiking. Some pretty heavy insinuation that I am a shit parent and I am aware that she is pretty nasty about me to anyone who will listen.
So… how much noise is acceptable! How quiet are your kids? Do they walk around in the house and do they ever shout or jump? Do they always keep their hands on the door handle and make sure it doesn't bang?

Get the hosepipe handy for when one of them sticks their heads over the fence. OP you are so much more accommodating than I would be, I would simply tell her that my Children can do as they like in their home, just laugh at her, don't open the door, don't engage.

How on earth can you stop kids being kids!!???? Pathetic, stupid people!!!

Just to put the other perspective (and btw, I don't think the OP's family is particularly noisy or unreasonable):

I have elderly friends who have lived in a quiet road for 40 years. The house adjoining theirs was sold a few months ago and since then their lives have been utterly miserable.
The house has been bought by someone with three children. And as children do, they play.
They run up and down uncarpeted stairs, they shriek and call out. They bang doors.
Their trampoline in the garden is a well-used toy - right by the adjoining fence. Cue more shrieking and shouting.
They have chickens and a cockerel in the garden too.

Yes, most of this is normal family life. And my friends aren't like the OP's neighbours, so there is no harassment. But they are not in the best of health. They are desperate to move, but strangely enough, no-one wants to buy (lots of viewings) and they can't afford to drop the price. Nor can they afford to soundproof their side.
They are so, so miserable it is horrible to see.

So- no easy answers.

you've tried appeasing them. it doesn't work.

before you sell, try the 'fuck off' route. you have nothing to lose.

turn it back on them:

'do you really think it's reasonable for my children not to use their own house?'

'when your dog stops barking, i'll close doors quietly.'

'come round again this week and i'll call the police. this is harassment.'

time to grow some fucking big balls softcat, because these people aren't being reasonable.

My old downstairs neighbour complained about hearing my tenants walking in my flat. She wanted them to wear soft slippers at home.

She threatened them a lot so I did a preemptive strike and contacted the council myself. Council said that they will not do anything about normal household noise and said they really would expect a person in a flat to hear others walking about.

I took her conerns seriously at first and always answered her ranting emails and calls and went over, etc. I honestly think that being too nice to a certain type of people that would get so worked up over hearing a door can egg them on.

I would email the council yourself, and tell them you have and that any further complaints would be made to x dept at the council.

www.nfh.org.uk

I found this website INVALUABLE when we were having problems with very very nasty neighbours. (Constant pounding music, antisocial behaviour, vandalism of cars including torching mine!)

We had EH involved and they weren't remotely interested in "normal" noise even when they were rowing at top volume at 0230hrs but only loud music between 2300-0700hrs.

Having nasty neighbours is so draining. I think you've been utterly reasonable. LOG EVERYTHING THEY DO.

PLEASE try and relax, and certainly read the articles on the above website about how to deal with toxic neighbours - sunglasses are your friend!!!

Whilst writing stuff down is a good idea at the start of these disputes, all it will now achieve is stressing the OP out at the moment. She needs to STOP the NDNs from peeping in/ complaining/ threatening solicitors by clearly stating in writing that continued communication is not wanted and will be regarded as harassment, unless it is a legal letter, delivered by Royal Mail (you have to allow this final channel of communication, or else appoint a solicitor to receive such communications). Then forget about them She should report it to the police if the NDNs do in fact contact her or peer in, or knock on her door, together with a copy of the letter, and the police WILL (if prompted) go and warn the NDNs not to do that any more or they could be arrested.

I'd have told her to fuck off.

ANYTIME you don't live in a detached house in the. Idle of nowhere you can expect to hear people living.

I feel so sorry for you softcat, as it's obvious from your posts how much this is getting to you.

I echo what others have said - do not engage. Every time your NDN's try and talk to you about this, just decide between you and your OH what your pet phrases will be, something along the lines of "I do not wish to discuss this with you any further. You walked out of mediation when I challenged you about your dog barking and now we will just live our lives and you can live yours. You are on shift work and that is your problem, not ours. Goodbye"

If they persist another time, just patiently say "As I explained, we will not be discussing this further with you"

In actually listening to them and hearing about her shift patterns etc you have allowed them to set rules and regulations and you must not even listen now. Be courteous and polite neighbours (as you obviously are), have playdates when you want, open and close doors how you want, let your DC's enjoy their home and try and zone them out. But just make sure you never ever talk to them about this again.

Please don't tell them to fuck off, that is just stopping to a level whereby they will build on that and say you are openly threatening or something daft.

I have been in a house (not mine) two times when EH have come round and stopped the noise. Both times there were actual live and amped up punk and bluegrass bands playing in the living room. The neighbours were totally within their rights to complain as the tenants of the properties knew full well they were taking the mick.

What you're describing sounds like normal household noise and of no interest to EH. I think you've gone out of your way to mollify the neighbours and they sound like very miserable people taking out their unhappiness on you through bullying.

and just as a side - I work shifts, and in no way do I expect other people to tiptoe around to suit my working pattern! Buy her some earplugs!!!

I'm afraid there are always going to be people like this, who buy a place with adjoining walls and then want everyone else to stop breathing because it bothers them.

People who complain about the sound of children, playing when it is one of the most beautiful sounds in the world, are the saddest of all sad.

Your neighbour sounds like she has some sort of personality disorder. It's outrageous to think she can dictate whether you can have a playmate or whether your kids can come in your bedroom.

It's impossible to reason with people like this , and I think you have been far too acomadating which has reinforced her belief she can bully you .

I think you need to get tough and assert yourself . So what if she rings environmental health ? You've nothing to worry about on that front as everyone here has said , and by being scared of environmental health coming round is giving her a lot of power .

Invest in a trellis or some net curtains so she can't see in .
If she comes round again tell her to ring environmental health .
If she's abusive ring the police.
Ring environmental health about her dog barking .
You are under no obligation to open your door to her.
Ring police if she continues to embarrass you .

You cannot nice people out of this type of behaviour . Her constant threats of involving the authority's is a give away . She is afraid of the authority's herself and is assuming you also are .

I would utilize this by calling eh yourself about the dog and calling police if she comes round again .

Oops playdate

Find a very large, nois

Sorry baby cried and I hit post.

Find a large, very boisterous family. Preferably with boys. From 14 downwards. And a large, bouncy dog. And a football and a trumpet.

Stick a for rent sign up. Arrange for family to view the property when you know they will be at home.

Encourage the children and dog to explore. And play football up against the wall. And practice the trumpet. Spend as long as possible doing this.

Then show them out calling that you will have your agent get the contracts together for them ASAP.

Call around to the neighbour. Ask them to keep an eye on the house for you. Explain you are giving them a chance as they are being evicted for noise nuisance at their current property and they need somewhere asap as the eldest lad is due out from the young offenders centre soon. Ask them if they have batteries in the smoke alarms.

Then tell them you need to leave because of the issues they have with you.

I don't think you have to change. However I've seen some really clever door closing things so I'm posting to remind myself later

I had neighbours report me to EH once over noise. I lived in a detached bungalow, had a 3 year old who was at nursery all day whilst I was at work, and was in bed for 7pm every night. They said my dog barked "all the time" so I willingly let the council install sound monitoring equipment; she barked, on average, twice a day, between 9 and 3, for no more than 30 seconds at a time, and always coinciding with the postie or people leaflet dropping.

They then complained about me standing outside smoking! Our houses were about 20ft apart, divided by a 7ft fence, and I had one ciggy in the morning before ds got up and a couple in the evening.

They complained about me starting the car up before 9am. I had to leave the house at 8.45 to get to work, and couldn't quite work out how I was supposed to get the car off the drive without starting the engine.

They rang my landlord and complained about dog mess in my garden. He came round as he only lived round the corner, saw one errant turd and told them to get a grip!! Likewise when they complained to him about noise from the repair work to the roof that he had arranged to have done!

They told the neighbours the other side that they suspected I was "on the game" as I'd had three different men round in a week. I overheard this conversation as my window was opened and I'm afraid I went batshit crazy at them! One of the men was my sons father, one was a mate from work and the other was my bloody dad!

I threatened to call the police and report them for harassment and deformation of character if they didn't pack it in. I moved shortly after, as I'd had enough and wasn't enjoying living in the house anymore :(

Oh yes, and they also complained about the smell of dog wee from the side of the house. I cleaned it thoroughly with hot water and Jeyes Fluid. They complained about the smell of that.

Honestly just stop trying to accommodate them. You will have to declare when you sell anyway. Perhaps if you are noisier they will hurry and move themselves!

I am really glad I don't live next door to some of you.

The OP's family might be really reasonable, and her neighbours not reasonable at all.
Or, they might have a small point that they have exaggerated beyond reason.

But some of you think it's okay to become temporarily the Neighbours from Hell just to make a point.

Noise, especially when it's not yours can drive you mad. My son used to live in a flat below a couple with toddlers and no carpet. The children just seemed to run backwards and forwards all day, screaming. My DiL was going slowly demented. They sold at a loss in the end, to get away.

And as for: People who complain about the sound of children, playing when it is one of the most beautiful sounds in the world, are the saddest of all sad
Well, words (almost) fail me. There is playing and there is playing. And the noise from it can sometimes drive you completely round the bend. That's just a little bit too precious to stomach really.

Oh OP you poor thing, but you can't carry on living your life like this. You have got in a pattern of appeasement with them, but they are never going to be happy. You need to live your life and ignore them and stop trying to be quiet. It sounds like you are pretty considerate.

Your poor DC, I think you need to see if you can toughen up for them. If not you can move, but first try. You seem so scared they will contact a solicitor, why don't you instead? Get a solicitor to send them a letter requesting they stop with the harassment (because it is already).

NannyOgg I agree with you , that there's a major difference between children making a bit of noise when playing, and when they instead indulge in a total explosion of noise.

I was at a friend's house once, and her neighbours children weren't just noisy, they were LOUD. It was too loud for me and I'm partly deaf. It was way beyond reasonable neighbourly noise. Lucky for my friend the neighbours soon moved. I pity whoever they've moved next to.

I haven't read this whole thread but I have been (and probably are) in exactly the same situation. Our neighbours are in their 60s (we live in a semi) and we have two children 5 and 3. Ever since we moved in 3 years ago they tried to make our life hell cos of the noise we make. Within a week they complained about opening wardrobe doors, the shower and kids playing. They make stuff up too but get really annoyed by the kids even playing on the patio on a sunny day.

We live in a really nice area but this couple have been horrid - wall banging, shouting and swearing out of the window and threatening to punch us!!! We got the police involved which has helped things to an extent but what the police have said is we are making day to day noise which is part of family life and there is nothing anyone can do about it so your neighbours are making empty threats. They need to move not you. Try not let noise bother you. Easier said than done but it's their problem. If my children are being annoying and banging a hammer on a toy at 8 on a Sunday I stop them. If they are giggling having fun or playing with their cars but I know the noise will be travelling I don't do anything. Our neighbours say the children run around screaming at 3 in the morning which is bollocks but if they do cry in the night it's not my fault nor is it the child's fault. Semi detached houses are not the best insulated (1930s for us). You can be considerate but don't feel intimidated. It's your home.

I should also add we have never banged back or shouted back. Maintain your dignity. Also start a diary if they say stuff to you. That's how I got police to take notice of us. We don't play loud music and when the kids go to bed the house is quiet. Just don't be pushed around by them - we are not and are unwavering in maintaining our noise is normal for a young family. They have seen they can't push us around.