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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make a noise in my house

243 replies

softcat · 20/02/2014 20:07

Hello

This situation is driving me a bit mad. I live in a semi detached house with DH, DS1 and DS2. Our neighbours moved in a couple of years ago and since then they have not stopped complaining about footfalls, kids "screaming and crying all the time" (I think they seem pretty cheerful but perhaps this is subjective). Doors slamming (again I think this is normal door shutting). We have tried to minimise noise by fitting the thickest underlay possible and fitting soft closers on all doors that we can. I feel that I spend my life telling the kids to be quiet and get really tense if they raise their voices, run or get upset.
They are threatening us with environmental health and solicitors. There is a bit of finger pointing and bosom hoiking. Some pretty heavy insinuation that I am a shit parent and I am aware that she is pretty nasty about me to anyone who will listen.
So… how much noise is acceptable! How quiet are your kids? Do they walk around in the house and do they ever shout or jump? Do they always keep their hands on the door handle and make sure it doesn't bang?

OP posts:
Scrounger · 20/02/2014 21:03

Not sure if you can, but could you call EH and explain the problem and ask their opinion and whether or not there is anything else that you can do (on top of everything that you have already)? The door opening and closing routine is sooo OTT. I think that you have been really reasonable spending £2k on noise dampening.

At the least it takes the sting out of their threats, if she threatens you again you can respond and say that you have already contacted them for advice. She is just using the threats to keep you in line, it is your home and you have as much right to enjoy it as your neighbours do theirs.

SpagBolgs · 20/02/2014 21:04

Usually mine are not very noisy ,but if they are it does not matter as we live in a detached house not very close to our neighbors.

Pipbin · 20/02/2014 21:04

Also, your children are only going to be this age for a short while. This is why I'm not too worried about the not too bad level of noise from next-door's teenagers. In ten years they will have moved out and I love this house and plan on being here for the next 20.

CynicalandSmug · 20/02/2014 21:05

She sounds utterly barmy, suggest that she gets counselling to help her deal with her issues. You Op sound lovely for trying so hard to accommodate her crazyness, will you come and be my neighbour?

justtoomessy · 20/02/2014 21:07

She is nuts seriously nuts. Honestly ignore her utter craziness and be a normal family with normal family noise. No-one shuts doors like that. Let her go to the solicitors as she isn't going to get anywhere.

ChasedByBees · 20/02/2014 21:08

Honestly, this sounds entirely normal. EH won't do anything. For the sounds of it, they've been nasty and aggressive to you, you're afraid to act normally in your own home - they are now harassing you. Please don't take any more notice of them.

gamerchick · 20/02/2014 21:09

Stop pandering to them they don't rule the world.

Tell them to do their worst but you're not going to be scared to breathe in your own house anymore and if they continue knocking and complaining then you be doing some complaining of your own.

Personally I would be batting a football against a adjoining wall but I'm a twat like that.

Original poster
softcat · 20/02/2014 21:09

Oh bloody hell. I just remembered that next year my oldest gets given a b flat brass instrument at school!!!
I don't think we do close doors a lot, it only has to happen once to light them up. We had someone cat sitting when we were on holiday and they came round to tell her off for banging the door even though she only came in once a day!!
We are out a lot, we work and the kids go to school, they do after school activities on three evenings and are in bed by 6.30 and 7.30 respectively. They do sport on Saturday from 8am until 2pm. We spend more time out than in really and to be honest that is because I don't feel comfortable or relaxed here. They lean over the fence and stare in and comment and gossip about what we are doing (moan about the kids climbing on the sofa and tell my husband that "she is not even in the same room as them, I saw her in the kitchen and the kids were in the lounge")
I wish I could be even fucking noisier but I don't think I would enjoy it and wouldn't want to send the kids that kind of message.
I think I need to look at moving!

OP posts:
Original poster
softcat · 20/02/2014 21:11

It is a late 60's house, the sound proofing is poor. I can hear their dog a lot and know that she bloody loves to hoover!!! They argue a fair bit as well.

OP posts:
LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 20/02/2014 21:12

Op please, please, please stop living your life afraid of making a sound. Stoping telling your children to be quiet at every possible sound. Dont tell them off if they sometimes bang a door.

Your life will be so much better, the pressure you are feeling will disappear. You will all be happier.

I had exactly the same thing, He went a bit further and we fell out. Seriously I feel so much better now I feel free.

Let her call the environmental health. Reasonable living noises are just that, reasonable. Tell her to fuck off and then ignore, ignore, ignore

JackNoneReacher · 20/02/2014 21:13

They are bullying you and I think when you stand up to them they'll back off. It will be hard at first but worth it.

Here's what I would do.

High fences.
Musical instruments.
Plenty of banging.

Encourage them to contact EH (or do so yourself)

JackNoneReacher · 20/02/2014 21:14

Her expectations of what its like living in a semi are totally unrealistic.

BonaDrag · 20/02/2014 21:16

Tell them to fuck off. My neighbour complained that he could hear me in the mornings having a shower/ closing the door. He would leave PA notes in my letter box. I asked neighbour on other side and she said she was never aware of noise from my home. I cornered him after the fifth fucking note and told him to complain to the council about me as I wasn't going to stop getting ready for work any time soon. And if he left me anymore notes I would report him for harassment. He backed off. Some people are just looking for a row am your neighbours sound like that. Don't pander to them and do not walk on eggshells in your own home because of their idiocy.

Flossiechops · 20/02/2014 21:16

Christ on a bike - tell her to go live on the moon. It's just household noise you describe, not anti-social. I really feel for you as I get very tense about how much noise we make.

bearsprout · 20/02/2014 21:19

Personally I would contact the eh yourself and ask them about your problem, tell them you are fairly sure you are making nothing but a normal level of noise but have taken what measures you can but are being constantly shouted at threatened and would like their advice.

Find out what they would expect you to do and get good concrete advice on where you stand from the people who know exactly and how you can prevent problems or nuisance. You may even find they will come and measure the noise levels being complained of.

I suspect the answer will be to go on and live your life, but it would be best to get exact information and advice from the horse's mouth and subvert the attentions of these un-neighbourly people.

JackNoneReacher · 20/02/2014 21:27

I've been on the other side too. These are the kind of things that interest Environmental health.

Noise so loud you can't hear your own television.
Noise loud enough to wake you up.
Noise loud enough so that you can feel the vibrations in your house.

Original poster
softcat · 20/02/2014 21:27

I know, I sound so beaten down about it all. This has been going on for two years and I think I have lost all concept of what is normal.
The most fucking ridiculous thing is that she walked out of mediation all upset because I mentioned that we could hear their dog!! They got really defensive and would not countenance that he made a noise at all!! It was a weird reaction - the sort of reaction you would expect if you called someones baby ugly or something!!

OP posts:
mercibucket · 20/02/2014 21:29

we have had this and i have the solution

stop feeling like you are walking on eggshells

ignore completely. i blank our neighbours now. do not engage do not try to appease do not go to mediation

tell them you are not interested and never wish to speak to or hear from them agai

tell them to contact eh if they wish but they will get nowhere

then live your life. i wish we did this years ago. my youngest was terrified of making noise by the end. no way to live. it is probably vibration noise so louder for them than for you but nothing you can do about it

mercibucket · 20/02/2014 21:32

and start a log. tell them you consider it harassment and are now noting every complaint

we are happy now

MummyCoolski · 20/02/2014 21:33

softcat you can get practise mutes for most brass

Bubblegoose · 20/02/2014 21:33

They moan about your kids on (presumably) your sofa??

They've said they don't like the sound the door makes when it closes, or the kids screaming and crying, but even when it was just one person (cat sitter) coming in once a day they complained about that!

So basically, NOTHING you can do will ever be right. Even if you get your kids to take a vow of silence and get all doors removed, there will still be something.

They sound like complete pains in the arse. Let them call a solicitor - what will the solicitor do?

I feel bad for you, they sound utterly dreadful.

Thetallesttower · 20/02/2014 21:39

At some point, with stroppy neighbours you have to just decide what is reasonable and get on with it. It is reasonable to shut doors any old way you please in your own home, it is reasonable to have a musical instrument and practice on it, it is reasonable to have kids that cry or shout from time to time.

Our neighbours called at our door and asked if we could not do DIY on the weekend as this was their relaxation time! Um, no, it was the only time we could do it as we were at work all week. You have a perfect right to use power tools, hoover, have a dog that barks occasionally and so on.

Environmental Health will not be interested in any of these things it's only if very unreasonable (like dog who barks 100's of times a day, late night noise, very loud music).

Just get on with your lives, you can't let these people tell you to live a different life in your own home. They have a dog, they have a hoover, they also make noises, that's the way it is.

As others have said, just go about your business normally, you are allowed to close doors any which way you like in your own house including slamming the front door if you choose (I don't mean hard, I just mean shutting it firmly). Stop caring what they think, stop paying for stuff and tell them you are now writing down every time they contact you and are going to report them for harassment.

You have tried reasonable, these people are not reasonable, don't try any more!

Pipbin · 20/02/2014 21:40

The way they are making you feel is exactly how actual noisy neighbours can make you feel.

They shouldn't be peering over the back fence into your house. I assume they are owner occupiers rather than renters with a landlord to contact. Can you invest in a set of net curtain with 'piss off you nosy old bat' embroidered on. Or shall we send you some 'cuntbunting'?

Let her contact the council or EH, if my past experience of them with an actual noisy neighbour is anything to go by then they will do the grand total of fuck all.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 20/02/2014 21:40

I'd be tempted to buy children a drum kit.

justtoomessy · 20/02/2014 21:41

I think you need to take the approach of 'you'll contact the police if they harass you again' approach. What on earth are they doing spying on you?? They are nuts stop being so afraid as they can't do anything to you.

Keep a log of every time you hear them go about their business so that if EH do come round you can show it to them.