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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make a noise in my house

243 replies

softcat · 20/02/2014 20:07

Hello

This situation is driving me a bit mad. I live in a semi detached house with DH, DS1 and DS2. Our neighbours moved in a couple of years ago and since then they have not stopped complaining about footfalls, kids "screaming and crying all the time" (I think they seem pretty cheerful but perhaps this is subjective). Doors slamming (again I think this is normal door shutting). We have tried to minimise noise by fitting the thickest underlay possible and fitting soft closers on all doors that we can. I feel that I spend my life telling the kids to be quiet and get really tense if they raise their voices, run or get upset.
They are threatening us with environmental health and solicitors. There is a bit of finger pointing and bosom hoiking. Some pretty heavy insinuation that I am a shit parent and I am aware that she is pretty nasty about me to anyone who will listen.
So… how much noise is acceptable! How quiet are your kids? Do they walk around in the house and do they ever shout or jump? Do they always keep their hands on the door handle and make sure it doesn't bang?

OP posts:
cees · 22/02/2014 20:23

Your being far to nice softcat, they need to invest in some wall insulation/sound proofing, tell them that and also tell them you are no longer discussing the matter, you have done all you can, if they still persist the tell them to fuck off.

Whats stopping you from leaning over the fence with your camera and note book logging all the times the dog barks or they make a noise.

Turn the tables on them for a change and log everything, every knock on the door, every time they peer through your window, everything, then go down to your local council show them the log and receipts for all the extra padding you have had laid and ask them to investigate because you are being harassed out of your home by these moany neighbours.

youarewinning · 22/02/2014 20:26

Let them call EH. My friend had an awful situation with her NDN - ending in him threatening SS,EH, police etc. because her DD woke at 10pm at night crying because she was scared about OP she was having next day.

Anyway - turns out he was an abusive twat and just felt he should control everyone and everything. When told to go ahead and involve authorities she backed right off.

Original poster
softcat · 22/02/2014 22:46

Thanks everyone.

I think the houses are poorly sound insulated. We can hear them talking when our house is quiet (not the content, just the sound of voices). We can hear her alarm go off when she gets up at 5am for her early shift.

I am sure it is hard for them when they can hear the sound of footfalls and playing and sometimes shouting (it does happen, I wish it didn't but it is not ALL the time). Our noise does no doubt intrude on their home. The noise happens during the day time but they both go to school and we are out far more than we are in. We spend a LOT of time out of the house. I literally do not know what else I can do to make them happy. To be fair it is not always the child noise they complain about. It seems to be the impact noise that bothers them, footsteps and doors shutting.
I don't want to get all bitter and make noise for the sake of it because I do want the children to be respectful of others. It feels really stressful being in the house with the kids when they are off school, I feel like I have lost all idea of what is normal noise and am continually telling them to walk and use small voices. I schedule each day off around an out of the house physical activity so that I can tire them out. We never have just hanging out at home days anymore.
Life is too short for this kind of stuff.
And they really hate us. Today she was out on the road and was glaring and shaking her head whilst looking in our house. I don't want to ruin her life or make her unhappy.
I just want to go now. I think challenging them will just make it worse. When my husband went to tell them that we had contacted mediators to try and resolve this the bloke got really angry and shouted and swore in front of the kids.

I am going to leave this thread now because it upsets me to talk about it all. I just want to move on and start enjoying my family life again.

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 22/02/2014 22:57

I don't think the overall message has been to challenge them, it's been to ignore them ... That's very different in my book. You are being (in my opinion) almost ridiculously accommodating to what they want to the detriment of your households comfort. So you sell up, you move, your next neighbours do the same to you. What's your move then? They are bullies. Bullies need to be ignored.

goodasitgets · 23/02/2014 00:28

She can't expect you to work around her shifts. I get a bit irritated when people slam doors or children are screaming outside when I'm sleeping before a night shift but it's just everyday noise
It does seem the soundproofing isn't great - I've never heard my upstairs neighbours tv/doors/walking or anything at all
She wants the world to revolve around her, and it can't. You have a right to enjoyment of your home too

Cobain · 23/02/2014 08:25

My NDN where the only people I have ever known who openly dislike me and more hurtful my DC's, that was very hard to live with. But it did get easier when I took control. Also realisation that when people see problems in others it usually lies with them. I still can't believe I found myself in this situation but they knew they where out of order as any official route they could take would be pointless.

minouminou · 23/02/2014 08:57

I'll send DD round.

She has a laugh that sounds like a drain being sandblasted and sings like Janis Joplin on 60-a-day. Unfiltered.

Seriously, though, I'm also for contacting EH yourselves and stealing a march on the pair of loons.

mercibucket · 23/02/2014 09:19

i am sorry to read your latest post, softcat

did you read about vibration noise? the noise you describe is exactly that. it is to do with the way the horizontal boards run through both houses.

who do you think will buy your house? the quietest of quiet people? is it a family house? then probably a family. you cant make these people happy. you can ignore them. just decide in your head that you dont care any more. this is up to you, not them. i even wonder if some therapy might help you to do this? cheaper than moving thats for sure

i didnt realise it was you that asked for mediation. this suggests to me that they knew full well they had no official comeback and could only try to bully you.

it is bullying. label their behaviour.

i have been in your shoes. for years. everything you describe. i was too nice. i wanted to keep everyone happy. i dont like confrontation. i understand everything you say. i know i prob sound bossy, sorry, but if you could see us now! it is easy. we had one confrontation where i said i was no longer interested (twice on one day) and now we ignore each other.

you have to stand up to bullies.

mercibucket · 23/02/2014 09:21

actually it was my mum who said they were bullying us

i thought about it and realised it was bullying

well sod that!

BlueStones · 23/02/2014 09:40

Let 'em go to EH. I had a neighbour like this. Once he called the council to complain about the loud party I was having. Council immediately sent landlord and police round to my flat ... to find it empty and in darkness. I was at a conference in Poland.

That was the last time he lied complained.

Halsall · 23/02/2014 09:54

I literally do not know what else I can do to make them happy

That's it in a nutshell, softcat. You can't do anything to make them happy, and your attempts so far have landed you in this miserable position.

I know it's massively stressful and can ruin any enjoyment you have in your home and life, but you have to stop trying to placate them because you're on a hiding to nothing. They are total loons. How dare they give your their shift schedule and expect you to follow it to the letter?

I used to work shifts and the people next door (terraced houses) were gutting their property and had moved out. I just had to put up with it even though my sleeping during the day was basically impossible. I wouldn't have dreamed of issuing instructions/threats, nor involved solicitors.

It's NORMAL LIFE.

I sympathise hugely and am sorry if you really have left the thread, but everyone here is right in saying you need to contact EH yourself and be reassured. It would give you so much more confidence that you are right and the loony NDNs are wrong.

Have some Flowers from me.

ProfPlumSpeaking · 23/02/2014 10:12

Thanks Sorry you are finding this so stressful.

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/02/2014 10:16

You can't do anything to make them happy so just get on with your day the way you would before you knew they had a problem. It's your life you are living, not theirs.

innisglas · 23/02/2014 18:11

Maybe it is the builders and architects who are designing modern housing that need therapy.

We have the same problem in Mexico. I live in an old building of flats so noise doesn't travel with the same ease, but friends that bought new flats ended up having to sell them after years without sleep, knowing all the intimate details of the lives of all their surrounding neighbours.

Original poster
softcat · 30/05/2014 01:15

Late night post, I can't sleep. The house went on the market and sold and all was quiet until I took the board down to mow the front. Following this we were treated to more whinging about noise and to top it off she purposefully drove her car at my five year old son while he was riding his bike. Police were called, he is at his friends as he is scared they will kill him. House sale now probs a gonner.

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 30/05/2014 01:33

If the house sale falls through because of her, then I would make her life hell. No more being over the top quiet. She would be putting the for sale sign up herself very soon. Really hope your ds is ok.

BrianTheMole · 30/05/2014 01:34

What are the police going to do about her?

PrincessBabyCat · 30/05/2014 03:11

I'd ignore and make designated quiet time, like from 10pm - 8am is quiet time. The rest of the time she can deal.

She can get annoyed all she wants, normal household noise isn't something you can get in trouble for. If she keeps getting a solicitor to bug you, report her for harassment.

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 30/05/2014 03:39

Jesus. They are completely deranged.

Are you ok?? Your poor DS. :(

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 30/05/2014 03:59

Holy crap. Was she charged?

If you have a binding contract, I can't see why the house sale would fall through?

But yes, if you have to stay, then you are going to need to get a harassment order out, etc., because that's just fucking barmy. Your poor DS.

oohdaddypig · 30/05/2014 04:27

OP your neighbours are HELLISH

If you live in a semi, you accept a certain level of family noise.

Our previous neighbours were indeed noisy and it was incredibly stressful. But that is because they were in a rock band that practised all hours, day and night. And brought home drunken friends at 3am. It is actually very difficult to get EH on your side as they have to witness the noise, several times.

Anyway, our new neighbours are lovely - three boys - and we can hear normal living noise and that's fine. So that is doors banging, the TV on when loud etc. she plays cello, I play flute - it all stops by 10pm. No complaints either side.

Your neighbours are lunatics. I wouldn't change any of your current behaviours.

Why will the house sale fall through?

littlewhitebag · 30/05/2014 07:16

I remember this threat from previously. Your neighbours are deranged. I hope your son is okay and your house sale proceeds. Why wouldn't it?

ModernToss · 30/05/2014 07:59

I am so upset and angry on your behalf, OP. The neighbours' demands are utterly, utterly unreasonable, you have gone out of your way to comply with them, and what is your reward? YOU have to move.

It's outrageous that they could drive you out this way.

Revengeofthechocolatebunny · 30/05/2014 08:05

Hope your move goes OK, softcat am Shock absolutely gobsmacked at your neighbour doing that to your son. What are the police doing about it?

Once you've moved absolutely do not return a few weeks later and push dog poo through the letter box

Ledkr · 30/05/2014 08:06

Please say that your house has been bought by hells angels or someone to let out to students.

Hopefully at the very least it will be bought by people who can stand up to theses idiots (not a criticism of you op, I'd be the same) but it would be nice to see.

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