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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make a noise in my house

243 replies

softcat · 20/02/2014 20:07

Hello

This situation is driving me a bit mad. I live in a semi detached house with DH, DS1 and DS2. Our neighbours moved in a couple of years ago and since then they have not stopped complaining about footfalls, kids "screaming and crying all the time" (I think they seem pretty cheerful but perhaps this is subjective). Doors slamming (again I think this is normal door shutting). We have tried to minimise noise by fitting the thickest underlay possible and fitting soft closers on all doors that we can. I feel that I spend my life telling the kids to be quiet and get really tense if they raise their voices, run or get upset.
They are threatening us with environmental health and solicitors. There is a bit of finger pointing and bosom hoiking. Some pretty heavy insinuation that I am a shit parent and I am aware that she is pretty nasty about me to anyone who will listen.
So… how much noise is acceptable! How quiet are your kids? Do they walk around in the house and do they ever shout or jump? Do they always keep their hands on the door handle and make sure it doesn't bang?

OP posts:
Lancelottie · 21/02/2014 00:25

Poor old OP. I was going to offer you DS, with his collection of guitars, drums, tuba and trombone (our neighbours are saints. Or very deaf) but I see you already have a brass instrument on the way: excellent!

mummyto2boysandagirl3 · 21/02/2014 00:28

Ours did too. And we really could've done with saving that money to move somewhere else but I was worried if he took it further we'd be forced to do it anyway :( it's a really horrible situation to b in.

It's not nice for u at all but they will get told to wind their neck in if eh pick up on the fact that they basically r expecting no noise. If they want no noise they shouldn't have bought a semi! Neighbours can really ruin a house I hate mine cos we've had so many bad ones but iv actually got my house decorated the way i want it I'd only b selling for more space if it weren't for the neighbours

BillyBanter · 21/02/2014 01:26

Next time she complains tell her to bring it on and/or suggest that if they cannot cope with normal family noise they move to a detached house. Keep saying it. Also say 'I hear you had another of your arguments the other night'.

What did the mediator say when she left after you mentioning the dog?

AmeliaToppingLovesShopping · 21/02/2014 01:55

My DM has been to my house before and said that she was glad she wasn't our neighbours because of the noise that the DC make. I do try and get them to be quieter but they shout, have the television up loud, shut the front door without the handle but it won't close so it just bangs and DD3 is terrible for jumping down the wooden stairs that are right next the parting wall. Blush

I have been here nearly 2 years and the neighbours have never spoken to me about it, or at all in fact.

KiwiBanana · 21/02/2014 02:47

Sorry OP but I can't help judging at how bad of a mum you are, I mean being in the kitchen while the children are in the living room?? How low can you go?! Grin

Seriously, that all sounds perfectly normal, she however sounds like a crazy old bat.

mercibucket · 21/02/2014 06:33

bullies back down
you just need to make it clear you will not be bullied
label their behaviour
it is harassment
it will cost you thousands to move. dont go unless you actually want to

Morgause · 21/02/2014 06:56

Don't engage with them. Tell them to contact EH and get a sound monitor put in and let the experts judge the level of noise.

The doors slamming can be annoying, though, we always close doors by keeping our hands on the handle. We never just push them shut.

minibmw2010 · 21/02/2014 07:14

You need to get tough. You've said it's not your way to be rude but that's ok you don't have to be. Next time she complains you need to be uber reasonable and just say things like 'I'm sorry but you're bring unrealistic / unreasonable'. And walk away. Don't let her dictate to you what's appropriate in your own home. Tough luck they didn't buy detached isn't it !!! And as for walking out when you mentioned the dog noise, typical bullies with too much time on their hands!

Frusso · 21/02/2014 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gimcrack · 21/02/2014 08:57

Larger fence, or attach trellis. You've done all you can about soundproofing. You could put door wedges on the floor to keep the doors open, and keep talking to the kids about the front door. Then keep telling yourself you have done all you can, so if the neighbours are still complaining then they are being unreasonable.

It is daft, though, that houses aren't built with this in mind. I live in a Victorian terrace where the kitchen and back of the house aren't attached to next door. So your kids play as they like.

LineRunner · 21/02/2014 09:04

EH will not be interested in normal household noise after 7am and before 11am.

They might be interested in persistent and very loud raised voices, but not children getting ready for school over a half hour period.

Islandangel · 21/02/2014 09:05

when she complains, aplogise ' im sorry you can hear it' but dont change how you live your life.

tbf she can ask her DH to shut the door anyway she likes, but she has no right to boss you about!

Kids make a noise, its a fact, if she doesnt like living next door to kids she should have chosen her house more carefully.

as for the instrument as long as its not stupid early or stupid late (after9) you should be okay from EH.

pay no more mind to her and enjoy living in your own home.

LineRunner · 21/02/2014 09:05

11pm! Sorry.

Stinklebell · 21/02/2014 09:06

They are most definitely unreasonable

We had the same thing with some old neighbours. I was honestly scared to fart in my own house in case they came round and complained. My kids were miserable as I'd be on at them to stay quiet. Horrible.

Speak to Environmental Health, I found them really reassuring, explained that if the neighbour complained they'd send round noise monitoring equipment and from what I was describing, no action would be taken against me - next time NDN complained about the kids laughing in the garden, I told them to fuck off and speak to EH, I'd had enough of their constant moaning so already had

They too made endless amounts of noise, never quite seemed to get it that if they could hear us, we could hear them

mercibucket · 21/02/2014 10:55

if you google vibration noise you will understand more about
how noise travels
it is not your fault
better sound insulation wont help

Islandangel · 21/02/2014 12:01

our neighbours on the righthand side of us are having building work done, but it sounds as though they are working on my left wall!

sound travels in strange ways

you cannot live your life trying to appease someone who is inherently unreasonable

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 21/02/2014 12:59

I am ashamed of the way that my stress over annoying the neighbours has transferred to them and that they probably feel that they irritate me and cannot play in their own home

Totally how I have been made to feel. The added complication is that our neighbour is noisy, so to conplain about us is Confused

Dh has called eh today for advice and happy to say I feel much better. I will not be doing as you described any more.

5Foot5 · 21/02/2014 13:07

Oh bloody hell. I just remembered that next year my oldest gets given a b flat brass instrument at school!!!

Ha-ha! I was just about to say that in your position I would be tempted to encourage both children to take up a musical instrument! Hmm - what is the noisiest thing you could choose? I play a trombone but I actually think a trumpet would cause more annoyance. Saxophones are also very loud.

Seriously your neighbours sound like idiots. Ignore them and let them try to complain - they will almost certainly have no grounds.

Anniegoestotown · 21/02/2014 13:20

I remember a documentary on something like this. A neighbour was claiming that the guy next door was playing his music so loud the ornaments on his mantel piece were bouncing.

The programme had the music turned up to the highest volume and went next door to hear how bad it was. There was no noise at all, not a peep. The neighbour just had a reputation for being a bit of a shit and complained about everyone.

JackNoneReacher · 21/02/2014 13:40

Please don't move. Stand up to them, they're bullies and will back down.

What if you moved and ended up with actual nightmare, noisy neighbours (not to mention the cost and stress of moving)?!

I bet they'll move on to someone/something else when they stop getting a rise from you.

PeaceLillyDoge · 21/02/2014 13:45

I'd ring EH yourself and explain the situation to them. They must get queries like this all the time and can help you understand more about what they look out for in noise complaints. It sounds like your NDN would be classed as "vexatious complainants" an no action would be taken against you.

frogslegs35 · 21/02/2014 21:23

It is such a shame that ou feel you should move but I understand why.

You can say fuck off so many ways without actually saying it, you know :)
I'd go for something along the lines of
'I know you think that what goes on in OUR house has something to do with you but please let me inform you that it's actually none of your damn business'

'Also as I am a reasonable neighbour, here's a heads up...... I won't be making the children creep around like church mice anymore - they will shout, laugh, shriek and have bloody fun and if you don't like that then please feel free to report me as many times as you deem fit'

Job done :)

kitnkaboodle · 21/02/2014 22:15

I know what it's like to live with awful neighbours. I once considered getting CCTV so I could see when our awful neighbours were out front and could avoid them Shock

I would love to advise you to move, because that is often the end to it, and the start of finding some peace at last (despite maybe feeling like you've backed down to unreasonable behaviour) ... but ... when you fill out your 'seller's information form' you will have to declare there if you've had any issues with your neighbours and that might put off buyers

That's what always seems to unfair to me Sad

Original poster
softcat · 22/02/2014 09:05

Well I am kind of getting my head around losing this house, still feeling some pangs of "but it is so unfair". I am beginning to realise how on edge we have been, the other day the kids were giggling and playing tig around the kitchen table and I stopped them because I worried about the running noise.
It is just so unfair, I don't mind the odd reminder to try and keep it down but it is the constant bitching and complaining and spying alongside the total refusal to acknowledge that we can hear any noise from them.
It is a semi detached house for gods sake…argh!!!!
The bloody dog is outside barking again - apparently that is our fault as it barks at our cat!!!

OP posts:
Cobain · 22/02/2014 09:42

Tbh after trying to resolve some of the issue with NDN to be handed a new list, including windows and doors closed at all times, play dates with only one child at a time in the garden, not to shower or flush toilet after 9pm and asking DP to change his shifts so he didn't start the car at 6am and one that finally made us react that is too personal to put on a forum we put it back on to them. Once we told them to never knock on our door anymore and we would be reporting for harassment we felt better and more relaxed. We were the only ones left in the street that still spoke to them, now everyone avoids.

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