to make a noise in my house

[softcat]

Hello

This situation is driving me a bit mad. I live in a semi detached house with DH, DS1 and DS2. Our neighbours moved in a couple of years ago and since then they have not stopped complaining about footfalls, kids "screaming and crying all the time" (I think they seem pretty cheerful but perhaps this is subjective). Doors slamming (again I think this is normal door shutting). We have tried to minimise noise by fitting the thickest underlay possible and fitting soft closers on all doors that we can. I feel that I spend my life telling the kids to be quiet and get really tense if they raise their voices, run or get upset.
They are threatening us with environmental health and solicitors. There is a bit of finger pointing and bosom hoiking. Some pretty heavy insinuation that I am a shit parent and I am aware that she is pretty nasty about me to anyone who will listen.
So… how much noise is acceptable! How quiet are your kids? Do they walk around in the house and do they ever shout or jump? Do they always keep their hands on the door handle and make sure it doesn't bang?

I was an EHO and what you describe is a very typical complaint. I would recommend that you carry on as you are doing but that you don't do anything to antagonise her further. that means no wind chimes or water features etc Neighbour wars are awful and even if you are completely in the right they can be very draining and upsetting. I presume your nieghbour is aware that some types of nieghbour disputes have to be declared when you sel a house and can make a house harder to sell.

Your kids will get older and quieter soon enough so hopefully you can just wait it out.

If it were me I would try and move . (Don't worry I would never have recommended that while in my official capacity!). People like her won't change, if it's not your kids it will be something else.

A visit by your local EHO might not be a bad thing. They may point out some easy and cheap ways for you to minimise any noise and would be able to tell your nieghbour that she was being unreasonable. It's unlikely to be the type of complaint that would have them racing round though. They would probably not come out at first and would ask the nieghbour to keep a log of the noise.

There are all sorts of noise minimising products but it depends on the construction of your house as to what would be the most effective. Decent underlay is an excellent start!

As others have said, just carry on normally. Close doors any way you like and don't give it another thought. If they threaten to get EH to measure noise that's fine because they don't have a right to silence..

Some people think they do you see. They think if they can hear you at all then your noise must be trespassing or something into their house.

If they don't want to hear normal noises they must look into soundproofing etc. It's simply not your problem.

Mercibucket that sounds like my situation. Every time we had "complaints" from our neighbours and thought that had been sorted out, they moved on to something else.

Now we ignore them completely, have logged every single thing they've said or done and if they ever try to start anything up again I will tell them that I'm reporting them for harrassment.

The most annoying thing is that, if I'd nipped this in the bud when I moved in, I could have had her for breach of the peace and him for threatening behaviour, but didn't as I wanted to get on with my neighbours. Fat chance with people like them sadly.

Rumpty-tumpty-tum-rumpty-tumpty-tydoe.

Her controlling behaviour has affected how you would live normally in your own home. How dare she come round and tell you how to close the doors! How dare she! Get angry, op, don't accept it anymore. Do what others have suggested. Tell her you've tried being reasonable but now it's bloody silly, and you will report her for harassment.

i cant believe so many of us seem to have the same neighbours!

honestly, ours are fine now. once you make it clear there is no negotiation they will back down.

softcat I think Yeah has given some great advice. ex EHO here who has had to deal with waterfall noise, noise from a swing and the noise of the cat flap amongst some absolute corking wastes of time. I would say ask the EHO round yourself and explain why you are doing it. you have tried mediation and it didn't work. unfortunately some people have been sensitised to noise i.e. they have lived next door to a pay party house and therefore every noise sets them on edge. get the eho to give you some advice. get your neighbour in once this has been done. tell them, you have done everything you can and she just has to suck it up now. if she carries on spend a few quid on a solicitors letter telling her next time she confronts you, you will report her for harassment. sorry to say but in my long experience (20+ years) these disputes very rarely end well. your only real option is to move and to do it before this becomes a long protracted legal dispute.

Go to environmental health yourself or see someone who can advise you - it sounds totally like normal living noise so you have nothing to worry about.

Plant tall evergreens along the fence line - let them grow to 8foot.

diary their behaviour - eg intimidation and invasion of your privacy

speak to someone about their harassment of you.

Definitely get "fuck off you nosey cow" bunting!

I feel sorry for my neighbours because my kids are very noisy. 2 pre teens with so much hormone surging through their veins they start crying for nothing and an autistic 7 year old who has numerous meltdowns a day. Dogs who bark at their dog as soon as it steps outside.
They've never complained though, luckily

She is complaining about half an hour of normal household noise a day? She is mad.

She should live in my house. All the soundproofing is shite. We have a neighbour who has two dogs that bark constantly for four/five hour stretches whilst he swans off to do who knows what. Other side are deaf so we can hear their telly.

Put some trellis on the top of the fence and grow something up it to screen your garden.

I wouldn't encourage antagonising by deliberately making noise but would most certainly not curtail normal household noises.

Let her complain. A friend of mine who has had dealings with Environmental Health people about noise has told me that if excessive noise is reported they'll visit the complainant and assess the level of noise they can hear to determine the reality (I think they record and measure decibels). If there is a genuine problem they visit or write to the person causing the noise.

is there a specialist rude bunting shop that someone could link me to? Thanks for the advice everyone, especially those who have worked as EHO's. It is a really peculiar kind of stress when you are involved in a neighbour dispute. I think it has gone too far for us and one thing that mediation has done is show us exactly what we are dealing with. I don't think there is going to be a amicable resolution and I we definitely can't give anymore. I need to be able to relax in my home and enjoy my children. They are not abnormally noisy and I am ashamed of the way that my stress over annoying the neighbours has transferred to them and that they probably feel that they irritate me and cannot play in their own home.
Time to move, there is no point in trying to win this battle because before I know it they will be grown and I have already spent two years of their precious childhood trying to get them to behave like mice.
Thank you everyone.

This is all just NORMAL noise for a semi, isn't it? I spent from age 10-19 in a 60s semi and we could always hear the people next door going upstairs, closing doors, teenage son having sex in the room next to mine etc... They in return could hear my sister and I practising 4 instruments between us and singing - we agreed on times that these were ok and stuck to them.

She has a right to not be disturbed at antisocial hours or to have to listen to excessive constant noise. You are doing neither of those things.

Our neighbours young kids run around & make noise, our teenagers run around & make noise.

I can hear next door plug things into the common wall - it's part of living in a Semi for Gods sake.

If your kids are making noise between 07:00 & 23:00 there's chuff all they can do about it. I'd be bloody tempted to do the hoovering at 08:15 every morning so she couldn't hear the kids getting ready.

Ignore them & get on with your life, as someone said up above - inform her that you're logging her harassment and don't want her approaching you directly. Until (if) EH get in touch (and they won't because you're doing nothing wrong) live your lives....

If you want to make a point & don't care about pissing them off how about making a game of it - every time their dog barks you all shout "woof"??

Peering into your kitchen eh? I'd be tempted to walk about in the nude.

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And on a serious note, why should you move? Why should you spend all the money and have the hassle?

I love the cunting bunting! I know it isn't fair that we should move but I just think it will escalate if we don't and I don't have the energy to deal with it. I feel watched and judged and I could try not to care but I do, it makes me feel bad. And you know what, my kids are lovely and actually really nice kids. I just don't think I will feel right here.

I had a neighbour ask dh to tell me to keep the kids quiet his response was "what do u want us to do tie them to a chair? Fuck off" this neighbour is up all night drinking so my dc were disturbing him sleeping off his hangover he never spoke to us again then moved! Just a disclaimer my dc r no louder than any others their age it's their home and they're entitled to play in it! I saught advice from environmental health cos I was worried after dh told ndn to F off and was told that kids playing and normal house hold noises r tough on the neighbour they've apparently had complaints about babies crying through the night eh stance is it's the child's house and babies cry they r entitled to enjoyment of their home just as much as the neighbour whinging about the noise. Ur neighbours sound horrible I agree call eh urself but let her contact a solicitor she'll b laughed out of court uv made more than reasonable effort to minimalist the noise she sounds like she's nothing better to do enjoy ur dc and pity the bitch

You know what, we started off trying to resolve everything but everytime there is something else. They need a detached house really. Part of me wishes we had told them to fuck off to start with but it just isn't who we are. They are all shades of crazy and would have no compunction about doing everything they could to make us unhappy.

Ultimately, something like this just gnaws at you the whole time. We had a very noisy neighbour at our old house. He lived in a flat over the road but I could hear his music through the front door and three internal doors. When ever DH confronted him he would get a mouthful of abuse.

When we moved we were so stressed about noise I got myself completely worked up by any sound from nextdoor.

It sounds like this is much the same for you, but the other way round.

Perhaps it is. They used to live in a detached so I think they perceive any noise that they don't make as intrusion. I really wish we had better sound insulation because the houses themselves are lovely.

I wouldn't recommend telling a ndn to F off I wouldn't have done it was dh and his lovely way with words.

They need to move not u if they can't cope with normal noise they need a detached house in the middle of nowhere!!

I have crappy neighbours and it's horrible when u feel stressed like that in ur own home. I felt the same when dh told him to F off I was worried about repercussions and kept telling the dc to b quiet. I was also pg with dd so could've done without the stress. I wish I hadn't tip toed about and spent thousands on new underlay and carpet insulation etc to improve sound proofing but I am glad we stood our ground and didn't stick up a for sale sign we r in negative equity and r saving to move y should we put ourselves in debt cos someone wants to moan about us living in our own house. We don't have parties and the dc sleep well so no noise at night unless they're poorly.

Hang in there

Mummyto2boysandagirl, my underlay cost more than my carpet!