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Original poster

Bank account details on wedding invite!

313 replies

Passthesaltdear · 20/02/2014 17:21

Yep so...got an evening guest invite few days ago, had the usual "we-ve been living together for ages now and have everything we want but if you are so inclined we would love some money for honeymoon etc..." Then at the bottom is the couple's account name, number and sort code so money can be paid directly in! I was shocked, is it me or is this really cheeky?!

OP posts:
eeetheygrowupsofast · 20/02/2014 23:39

Oh for God's sake. Bride and groom know everyone will want to give them a gift. They don't want stuff for the house and stuff they won't want or use, they want a honeymoon. I repeat THEY KNOW PEOPLE WILL GIVE THEM GIFTS ANYWAY SO THEY MIGHT AS WELL ASK FOR WHAT THEY ACTUALLY WANT RATHER THAN SELLING 27 TOASTERS ON EBAY.

Only on Mumsnet do people care about this!!

Fannydabbydozey · 20/02/2014 23:40

Had this for a wedding last year. I was evening guest only... Same "we have everything but our honeymoon will be expensive so here's our bank account details" PLUS it was themed AND a cash bar.

Their honeymoon was a "six week travel round a significant part of the world" fandango. No wonder they needed contributions.

expatinscotland · 20/02/2014 23:41

Because their guests will only buy them toasters, naturally Hmm.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 20/02/2014 23:49

Exactly eeetheygrowupsofast. It seems that the majority of MN thinks that it is preferable for a skint guest to give a tenner's worth of pointless tat a bargain low priced but not on the list gift, than the same amount either by vouchers or bank transfer.

We'll I'm sorry, but this makes no sense. I have a cupboard full of crap, that were Christmas gifts that I'd rather the giver had not bothered. But them my gift is to feel like a bad person because I'm not delighted to be given a cheap toiletries set that is bad for the environment and makes my skin itch.

expatinscotland · 20/02/2014 23:54

If you don't need gifts, then you don't need cash, either. 'NO gifts'. Or charitable donations.

allisgood1 · 20/02/2014 23:55

Shocking. I don't give money anyway. I give vouchers usually or a classic piece (I.e. Silver). It's always struck me as rude to expect gifts, much less to request them!

WorraLiberty · 20/02/2014 23:57

Actually I think this is one of the few things that people care about in RL as well as on Mumsnet.

I've spoken to many a person who has rolled their eyes at the 'presence not presents' crap that's followed by a request for money.

expatinscotland · 21/02/2014 00:01

'I've spoken to many a person who has rolled their eyes at the 'presence not presents' crap that's followed by a request for money.'

Yeah, that shit. Or buy our honeymoon or house.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2014 00:05

"We don't have children yet but please pay their way through University"

I joke but no doubt it's the way of the future Grin

expatinscotland · 21/02/2014 00:09

'I'm having a birthday, and I'm having this party because I'd like you to buy me a new bed. Fuck off with your gifts, I just want the money.'

cupcake78 · 21/02/2014 00:10

No horrible!

expatinscotland · 21/02/2014 00:10

There was one poster on here, the bride and groom were having two fucking honeymoons, one 'hot' and one 'cold', provided they fundraised enough.

Why not a justgiving or gofundme page?

MrRected · 21/02/2014 00:17

Am quite Shock to see how many people think this is ok.

There is a HUGE difference between going to John Lewis' to select a gift off a registry and depositing cold hard cash into somebody's account for them to fritter it away in Tesco.

There is supposed to be pleasure in this. Pleasure in the selecting, giving and receiving of gifts to celebrate a special occasion such as a wedding. It's not about money, it's about the care and effort of choosing a gift for somebody who thinks highly enough of you to share in a special event in their lives. This world is going to the damn dogs.

MrRected · 21/02/2014 00:19

I feel quite indignant about this. Damn it - I have to come back!

If money is an issue - screw the registry. Look online and purchase some beautiful stationery, so that the bride and groom will at least have to send letters of appreciation for the cold hard cash.

Grrrrr!!!!

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2014 00:32

Lol @ the hot and cold honeymoon Grin

expatinscotland · 21/02/2014 00:45

The types who believe in this are not usually the thank you note types. Wink

RonaldMcDonald · 21/02/2014 00:50

Clearly some form of joke, non?

Evening 'do' and a scummy request for cash all at once?

Grim

rumbelina · 21/02/2014 01:28

Get this - we were asked to give the money by a certain date 2 months before the wedding!

I don't think everyone was asked but some family were. Didn't even get an acknowledgement or thank you ever, had to email to check it had arrived.

I don't mind giving money but this made me Shock

Absy · 21/02/2014 07:26

As others have pointed out - in some cultures cash is a totally acceptable wedding gift (though maybe this couple is British I don't know). Personally, I find the whole concept of "evening only" invites and cash bars really weird, but you know, I'm from a different culture and all that.

Lagoonablue · 21/02/2014 07:33

This is why I hate the whole wedding culture in the uk.

Atbeckandcall · 21/02/2014 08:30

In some cultures money isn't asked for though, guests being along and pin it to the bride's dress or put it in envelopes. However, from what I gather, the couple getting married have already paid for a honeymoon, have paid for the wedding and are just setting up a home for themselves.
I really don't mind couple asking for money when it's clear that it is for something specific, however with the one I'm attending, he goes on and on and on and on and on about how much he earns, honeymoon booked and they're having a very extravagant wedding.

I don't really care that much but I see why it pisses people off.

Evie2014 · 21/02/2014 09:21

We got some quite hilariously awful gifts when we got married (plastic electric LED mini-fountain water feature, anyone?) but we would NEVER have dictated to anyone what they gave. I found it really sweet that people would spend time choosing something for us that they thought we would like. And we got some really lovely things that make us think of the giver every time we use them. Even the plastic electric water feature sits in DH's study and gives us a giggle now and again. We might even use it as white noise when the babies arrive!

We got married in a tiny ceremony and then had a big party in the evening at our house with caterers and a free bar where everyone ate and drank their fill and didn't have to take a day off work or pay for anything.

I really hate all this mercenary crap. It isn't your right to demand money from people going to your wedding. They're spending enough as it is getting there, spending money on hotels and outfits and taxis and sometimes even goddam planes. Taking days off work, paying for childcare and their own drinks. Nobody really CARES that you're getting married, so stop the celebrity-for-a-day bullshit.

Sorry. Rant over. And breathe....

MrsDeVere · 21/02/2014 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HazleNutt · 21/02/2014 10:08

In the last wedding I went to, the couple also had an account number on invites, for their honeymoon. I didn't find it odd or grabby, but reasonable and more convenient for me. And it does give me pleasure to think that they got their lovely honeymoon.

I really, really don't see the big massive difference between cash and gift registry. How come saying "I want a toaster and a lamp, but them for me" is considered acceptable, but "I want a toaster and a lamp, could you give me money for that" is not?

HairyWorm · 21/02/2014 10:15

We did this because I would prefer paying a cash gift directly into an account. I have no idea where my chequebook is and I've been caught out rushing to cash point at last minute for cash to put into a card.

I can't remember how we worded it but it was to the effect that we didn't need presents and just wanted people to attend (we know how expensive it is to be a guest). But if someone wanted to give a gift then we would rather have money and if they wanted to do this by bank transfer then these were the details..

No big deal. If you don't want to give a cash gift then don't.