To not understand some attitudes towards health visitors

[IcouldstillbeJoseph]

I appreciate there are good ones and not so good ones - like in every profession.

What I find hard to fathom is the "getting one over on the HV" mentality. For example a conversation at a child's birthday party today:

"Oh yeh, the HV kept going on about putting her to sleep on her back so I used to just flip her over in her Moses basket whenever she was coming round"
"Ha ha yeah mine was really pro-breastfeeding so I didn't mention I'd given up after 2 days and used to hide the bottles"

I just don't get it. The HV are duty bound, by virtue of their profession to give the evidence-based advice. But if you're going to go against he advice then that's your choice isn't it - why does it have to be 'hidden' from them? Have I just never encountered a really judgemental one?! And they are only advising based on what they believe safest for the children - surely that's a good thing?

I'm not saying I did eveything mine advised but it just puzzles me why it's always the HV. You never really hear people talk about nurses or teachers like that.

amandine I'm sorry, I can see why this would be upsetting. There have been a number of posters recognising their own bad experience is down to an individual though.

I'm sure that parents in your area will be lucky to have you. Good luck with the rest of your training.

amandine as you say the support given by HV is sketch across the country. And I also agree that HV can spot some developmental delays etc... I think that they probably make a bigger difference in more deprived areas tbh.

But what peoe are telling you on this thread is that they have so been on the receiving end of bad advice or no advice. Hitch isn't saying the you it your colleagues are doing a bad job, just that quite a lot if people have had some bad experience. Add on the top of that that parenting IS an emotional issue and that you might react badly to someone telling you to let your 6 months old cry it out at night 'because he doesn't need milk you know' when you think that it would be very detrimental for a child to do some controlled crying, then if course people then tend to distrust their HV.

My own experience is that HV can be great if you know what is going wrong or think there might be something wrong. Ie you think you have PND or that your child has some developmental issues. Otherwise it's hard because most parents will not be able to answer accurately questions like 'is your child pointing to objects?' If you think your dc is fine and have never been that careful, you just won't notice that!
A good example is a friend of mine whose son was referred to CAMHS aged 4yo as a matter of emergency for autism assessment. The mum knew her son was 'different' but never though some behaviours would be a red flag. She though they were a bit off but normal. So no develop check ever shown anything wrong. When actually there was a lot of signs of autism for a long time.

HV can only their job well if people trust them. But they seem to be finding it particularly hard to elicit trust in people. As I don't think it's all down to people then it might be that the set up us wrong or what is asked from them or the way their job is described. But it certainly doesn't work well.

well Op - I guess you've had your answer! Basically, there are a few people who's experience of HVs has been "ok" and then loads of really bad advice, interfering, behaviour that wouldn't be deemed acceptable by any other HCP, and generally being not a help but yet another problem that a mother of young DCs has to deal with.

My gems to add to this include when DC1 stopped sleeping through the night at 7 months, I was asked about his diet by a HV at the weighing clinic, who told me I was giving him too much milk, and I should perhaps stop giving him a bottle before bed, but replacing it with biscuits.

Another one a couple of months earlier when I'd asked for advice about cradle cap had told me to try picking it off. I really should have learned not to ask for advice from them after that.

(and DC1 is only 4, so this isn't "olden days" tales of HV craziness.)

DC2 is only 8 months old, this time round I've been to weighing clinic a few times, but even when I have had concerns, I've not bothered asking them, I've booked an appointment at the nurse at my GP's or looked on line.

Yes, as mentioned by another poster, I do think perhaps that their remit is better suited to deprived areas with less informed/educated mothers. Without trying to sound patronising, I can see that the obvious stuff may well be invaluable to some women in those circumstances.

The irony may well be that those would be the areas most stretched in terms of resources and therefore not enough good HVs to go round.

And just to clarify; I have taught in such deprived areas and certainly not all mothers in those areas are either poorly informed or poorly educated. However, you do find a lower concentration of such mothers in more affluent areas.

I was really dissapointed in my HV's. I found that they could not tell me anything that I coukdnt find out for myself.

They let me down with appointments, I believe they missed pnd with me with dd1. I just lost faith in them

Health visitors here are crap

I'm seen by the heid bummer now after complaining about the last one turning up totally unannounced - thus adding to the spot check mentality

I have a DS who is 14 months and a 5 week old DD. DH and I are both 30 something professionals and are fully self supporting. No issues with PND etc and basically entirely capable of taking care of our children. Nothwithstanding this, the HV asked me if DD was planned? Told me that it wasn't very wise to have such a small age gap why? We're not asking for any state assistance to look after our children and asked if DH would consider a vasectomy!

Fortunately, I have a good sense of humour and amn't easily offended......

DH is a dentist and is at some of the drivel that patients come in spouting from the health visitors re children's oral health. Some of the stuff is down right dangerous and has definitely contributed to some children's decay problems - drip feeding dried fruit as "snacks" through out the day, anyone? He's also had incidences of referring patients sback to the health visitors due to needing more support and some with clear neglect issues. That's generally been a bit of a horlicks too.

The one at DS's 9 month health review was barking mad as well.

I would much prefer an invitation to clinics which I wouldn't bother going to and home visits only taking place if specifically requested.

My current health visitor is much taken with my cushions which does make me think that part of the reason they come to the house is for a good auld poke round.

I'm honestly not quite sure why HVs exist to be honest. Surely anyone with any real concerns would go to their GP? Frankly, given the state of the HVs I've seen, you'd be negligent not to

Oh - and I'm exclusively expressing for DD due to latch problems. Did the same for DS til 22 weeks. I find that HVs and most midwives have no clue about feeding by way of exclusive expressing.

And to the answer the question in the original post, I don't ever lie to the HV or worry about getting one over on her as I couldn't care less what she thinks

One HV publically told me that my DD (then 6 months) was not behaving normally!!! Surely a professional cant use language like that?!
Dd had reflux and cried most of the time

Oh God - just reading this thread in more detail. The "advice" about expressing is totally depressing.

"Nuts"....really?!?!

oblamov there was no offence intended in my OP, nor was I boasting about great HV experiences - just curious to understand, that's all.

It has certainly been very saddening reading on the whole

oblomov even

amandine - re contraception. You say you ask about it to see if oeople need any help. If that's the case, then why not just say, "Is there anything you'd like to ask me about contraception?" Rather than, per my HV, "What contraception will you be using? (Direct and nosy question) It's not a good idea to have children so close together (non evidentially based value led judgement). Would your husband consider a vasectomy? (Just nuts!)"

Do you see the difference? Is training provided to help with framing these conversations? If not, it should be. Although, frankly, the fact that it seems that HVs need training on this type of basic emotional intelligence stuff does make me wonder about the selection processes.

Just want to clarify that the HV who told me I was nuts wasn't my health visitor but a family friend who is like a second mother to me. She has, and does, support women who choose to express for whatever reason. She would restore the faith of many of you in the health visitor profession.

I agree with Gobbolin - in the rest of your life, grown woman are trusted to sort themselves out for contraception. Why suddenly once I've had a DC is it assumed that at the only point in my adult life am I unable to make decisions about contraception? That it's anyone else's business what I'm using?

The doctor asks you at your 6 week check if you have thought about contraception, beyond that, why the fuck does anyone need to ask again? I was sexually active for 13 years before having DC1, in that time, I'd probably been asked 3-4 times by a doctor what contraception I was using and if I wanted any advise about my options (each time only after moving house and moving GP practice), yet I was asked more than 10 times in the 12 months after having DC1.

I don't know why you had to ask, OP?
I assume it is obvious.
We all base our view on our individual experiences.

BUT, some of us, most of us are intelligent enough to recognise this.
We are also able to draw on general information, experiences of all our friends.
All we read on MN and other website4s.

Which brings us to a view that we believe is balanced.

We all know that there are bad and good ones in every profession.

But I still believe that ALOT of hv's are really poor. And with budgetary cuts, are getting worse.

Op is saddened to read this thread?

I have been on Mn for 10 years and there have been 1000's like this. So it shouldn't have come as that much of a shock.

I don't know why you had to ask, OP?
I assume it is obvious.
We all base our view on our individual experiences.

BUT, some of us, most of us are intelligent enough to recognise this.
We are also able to draw on general information, experiences of all our friends.
All we read on MN and other website4s.

Which brings us to a view that we believe is balanced.

We all know that there are bad and good ones in every profession.

But I still believe that ALOT of hv's are really poor. And with budgetary cuts, are getting worse.

Op is saddened to read this thread?

I have been on Mn for 10 years and there have been 1000's like this. So it shouldn't have come as that much of a shock.

I got told off for a small age gaps - apparently it would damage the DC and if we'd thought about it we would have planned longer gaps .

They are not that small of a gap between the DC few months under 2 years and two years. It was planned by us that way - as close together as we thought we could manage. Hard work when small that has paid off as they've grown up together.

I'm also not sure what HV expected us to do as we saw them after the births - send them back and try again?

I'm sure there are good HV out there - first one I met was one of those who dauntlessly made a huge difference to many families.

However the OP asked why I'd lie - to make the unhelpful ones leave me the fuck alone without having to cope with the vaguely threatened child protection problems they implied they could cause if I didn't do what they said.

I am in a deprived general area - though it has many very good areas - so perhaps that why the HV had that attitude.

Hvs are box checkers of the worst kind. They have use for serious issues but ours were nosy stupid and at times so in knowledgeable it was frightening.

I'd no sooner let one near my kids than I would a maniac. In fact if go with the maniac first. If you want help see a GP. Far better IMO.

Fucking spell check un not in.

The first HV I ever seen nearly sent me i

The first HV I ever seen nearly sent me into a spiral of PND and almost caused the brak down of my relationship. She visited our home when DS was 10 days old and spent 45 minutes discussing with DH the fact that he was the resident parent to his DSs and what the circumstances where with their mother. The only time she addressed me she called me by his ex's name and it took my mother to get we out of the house. These people have to much power - they come to your home and can't cause chaos but if you react in anyway they say depression and find excuses to come out more often.

Sorry about the poor spelling - even thinking about it 7 years later makes me shake and want to cry.

Tortoise, that's dreadful. And sadly exactly the kind of idiocy I mean.